if your sisters dp was sending you inappropriate texts..

[MuchAdoAboutEverything]

...would you tell her?
I left my phone at my sisters yesterday so used dps phone to text her to ask her to keep hold of it for me and noticed loads of texts between her and dp.
Dp has been sending my sister inappropriate texts, nothing to suggest anything is going on but inappropriate all the same
'why don't you text me anymore? '
'ill call next time, I'll come round the back '
'why don't you come out and meet us, you can lick (sorry pick ) me up off the floor'
(talking about a hen night she is going on that a few people have pulled out of) ' I'll come with you, could do with a night away in a posh hotel. Don't worry I won't pull out'
Just typing those make me feel sick, things are strained at the moment, I feel like he has no interest in me or the children and will do anything other than spend time with us, put no effort into my birthday and whatever choice/decision I make is wrong or not what he wants.
I have tried to find out what is wrong but he just says everything is fine and makes out I am imagining the problems.
My sister knows things aren't great and is trying to be supportive but hasn't mentioned these texts, her replies have not been encouraging him, either changing the subject, ignoring or her reply to the hen do text was 'as if, no men allowed) so I am not worried there is something going on but I don't know why she hasn't told me.

[Hissy]

I'm with twinkle actually. Where the fuck are the messages from the sister saying 'Wtaf, don't text me this shit again or i'll forward them to my sister'

Yes he's a creep, and yes this stuff needs to be dealt with, and fast, but if that were me i'd be going to see my sister and showing her the phone the minute that creep ignored my warning.

A friend's H tried the chat ups, I told his wife the next time I saw her, and said that the next call i'd make would be to MY dp at the time, and then her H would see what ww3 looked like.

[WildBillfemale]

Your sister should have replied with a stern ''f**k off'' at the first inappropriate text, they both need a (metaphorical) slap.

[TheWickerWoman]

Sorry, I think there's more to it. It sounds like something has gone on but she's stopped it. Him
Mentioning coming round the back sounds too familiar, it doesn't sound like it's the first time.
I also think she'd have told you if it was innocent from her end.

[curiousuze]

If my sister's DH sent me something like this I'd tell her IMMEDIATELY. After I'd finished vomiting. What creepy, disgusting texts.

[kalidanger]

It's not just the texts to sister. OP is describing all the classic signs if a cheater - distance, finding fault etc.

I'd lay odds he's having an affair and feeling all expansively sexy and his enormous ego is sending those texts
Because he's a golden irrestistable love god :bleurgh:

Cherchez la femme, as a certain poster says. I bet it's bit your dsis

[kalidanger]

Not* your sis

[Whocansay]

I don't read it like that. A good friend's husband made a couple of passes at me years ago. I was embarrassed. She had forgiven 'misdemeanours' before. I didn't think it would make any difference to their relationship if I told, it would only hurt her. I also thought it may destroy my friendship with her and I didn't want to risk it.

It sounds horribly selfish now. I never did tell her. Maybe your sister feels something similar. Maybe she thinks you'll blame her, or you won't believe her? I think the best option here is to ask her.

Your partner is a sleazy bastard. And a very nasty one to jeopardise your relationship with your sister.

[MuchAdoAboutEverything]

Thanks for all the replies, I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I have trouble trusting my instincts and thoughts on things so it helps.
The coming round the back thing sounds like it's too familiar but you cannot get to her house from the back, I am assuming it was ment to be funny??? We all have a bit of banter when we are together but I wouldn't expectit to happen via text between them. God what a shitty situation, how did I get here?

[kalidanger]

Rounds the back might be a euphemism for the, uh, 'back door'. Tradesman' entrance, if you will. Sorry.

I maintain that texting sis is a symptom of something else, not the cause if his bahaviour. But who knows.

Are you going to speak to your sister?

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

Sounds awful. I agree with posters who are saying your sister is not the problem and it does sound like he has been harassing her.

[GarlicJuneBlooms]

Look, I don't know whether to make anything of it but was the number definitely your sister's? I was thinking of all the cheating partners who've changed the OW's name to "Fred" in their contacts list.

I really sympathise, Much. You probably don't need telling that your anxiety & loss of trust in yourself is bound to be connected with a partner putting distance between you with secrets ... it's important to know you CAN trust yourself, and blow it wide open if you can.

[Whocansay]

Sorry OP, but I also read the 'I'll come round the back' text as an anal sex reference.

[WhereTheWildlingsAre]

That's how I read the back door ref too.

[kalidanger]

I can almost hear OP smacking herself on the forehead re: bumsex :(

[neiljames77]

You might have to be a bit sneaky to get to the truth.
Have a word with your sister, like this;

You; " Is there something you want to tell me?"
Sis;" About what?"
You;" You and my husband and what's been going on."

Her reaction will tell you all you need to know. Don't forget, you haven't actually accused her of seeing him.
If she blows up and says it's him sending texts but she didn't want to cause trouble, fine. Bollock her for not telling you or telling him to fuck off. Then deal with him.

If she goes red/starts crying/denies everything, then I'm afraid you've got two twats to deal with.

[foadmn]

not happy with this.
there are many texts.
the sister hasn't shopped him.

op, it suggests there is more between them than you want to think about.

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

The sister is most definitely NOT at fault in any way here.

The op herself is concerned about what will happen to her, I woudl hate to be the one to tell my sister her relationship is over,and that she may end up in serious trouble financially too.

It's typical that people can blame a woman who is being sexually harassed and not the sleaze bag husband.

Op he is a shit head. I know it won;t be easy but for your self, you need to leave

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

Bollock her for not telling you or telling him to fuck off. Then deal with him.

No, you don't gt to "bollock" someone who is being sexually harassed by an asshole who knows he can get away with harassing because she doesn't want to hurt her sister.

It iis not her job to play her bil's keeper. The only one who gets a bollocking is sleaze bag partner

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

If there was something more going on some of the texts would have referenced that! He would be asking her why she isn't interested anymore/ why she hasn't called him since X,Y,Z. None of those texts suggest a relationship. They suggest and asshole boyfriend who has no respect for his partner or women in general

[Vivacia]

I also had the thought that the number might not be the sister's.

The OP won't be slapping her forehead, she's already explained she knew the reference.

[neiljames77]

Why is she replying to them then? Surely she'd just ignore them. Whether she tells or doesn't tell her sister is a judgement call. If she ignored them or blocked his number, there wouldn't have been many texts would there?

[Hissy]

What bothers me is that the reply she did send was:

'You can't say that to me'

NOT

DON'T say that to me.

Big difference.

[Sallystyle]

I am so sorry op, how awful :(

I am also doubting your sister. I don't know, but I would have thought that somewhere down the line he may have thought these kind of texts would be well received by your sister? I mean, I know my bil would not send these texts as he would know that I would blow the whistle or at least have it out with him.

Obviously she could (and I hope) be innocent, but I find it strange that you didn't read any texts from her telling him to fuck off at least. I understand her being worried to tell you but she could have at least dealt with him when he texted her those things.

I hope I am wrong, but my instincts is to say that there was probably something going on there at one point if not now.

No one here knows, no one can say your sister is definitely not at fault here as one poster said. We don't know.

I hope you can manage to get to the bottom of it and I hope your sister is completely innocent.

It is going to be hard to broach the subject with her but it needs to be done. Much love to you

[Sallystyle]

If there was something more going on some of the texts would have referenced that! He would be asking her why she isn't interested anymore/ why she hasn't called him since X,Y,Z. None of those texts suggest a relationship. They suggest and asshole boyfriend who has no respect for his partner or women in general

We don't know what happened in the past. If there were deleted texts, emails, phone calls and so on.

None of us know or can say with any accuracy that the sister hasn't had a part in this.

I think the OP needs to question them both with open eyes. I don't know the best way to do that without blaming the sister incase she is innocent but really, we can all speculate all night long but the OP needs to do some digging and talking before she decides her next steps, not just assume her sister is innocent or guilty based on a few texts.