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Original poster

Quick help before I go on this date tonight please?

86 replies

akaWisey · 15/06/2014 16:53

Guy on zoosk. Looking for relationship. Messaged a few weeks ago and he disappeared after giving me his number. I assumed he was player so left it. He got back in contact a week later - he'd been in hospital with an acute attack of a chronic syndrome he's got.

Resumed messaging. By this time I'd arrange another date. I told him this and he said he'd rather not date someone who is multi dating. So we agreed to leave it. 10 days ago - he got back in contact and asked if I was seeing anyone because he wanted to meet if I still wanted to. I said I wasn't so we agreed to meet today.

Lots of contact on phone. He tells me he's spoken to loads of very troubled women online, he did some training as a counsellor and can't help trying to help. Has asked a lot of questions about me - as if he's trying to find the 'issue' in my background. Obviously I'm not going there. So he cancelled our date originally for this afternoon….and asked to meet tonight instead, something about his grown up kids had arranged a surprise dinner for him today. I was pissed off as just about to leave to meet him half way between where we each live. Really got the impression he was bailing and felt a bit defensive. So said look, if you want to call it off just say so I'm cool. But no, he really wants to meet but felt he couldn't blow off his DC's. All very understandable.

So I went online to alter my profile. I'm not online now. Got a text him saying how could you you're online!x. I said yes and your assumption is? He said joking. I said well that's a strange joke.

I think it's strange. Or is it me. Im supposed to meet him at 8 which means leaving at about 7.30. What would you do? He just text to say it's fine if I'm talking to other guys we haven't met yet and why am I being a silly billy.

Sorry, bit long. It was going really quite well, but i'm thinking he's either looking for excuses to bail or he's maybe a bit something I can't put my finger on.

OP posts:
BeeBlanket · 15/06/2014 17:49

Oh god the guy is telling you he's an awful awful twat and you haven't even met him yet!

He's seeing if you'll tolerate or get sucked in by all these mind games, "tests" and "jokes" that were actually designed to make you feel uncomfortable.

If you will, then great, he's reeled you in and it will get worse.

Think about how a genuinely nice, caring man would be handling this date. It wouldn't look like this.

Run like the wind!

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 17:49

I know mrs - how quickly things turn bad!!

But I think that's how it's been manipulated tbh. I'm composing my dear john text now.

OP posts:
StandsOnGoldenSands · 15/06/2014 17:52

Hope you have some nice wine in OP, have a lovely evening Smile

bumbumsmummy · 15/06/2014 17:52

He sounds like a man who is still married trying to see if he can get away

Please don't give him your home address or number his questioning may not be so innocent and do tell someone where you are meeting him sounds very very creep stalkerish to me

Desperate to be needed

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 17:52

He won't get that. I'm going to have to be much clearer. He didn't get my previous text calling him on the 'later date' offer. And I was clear "My guess is you're hoping for a no but are avoiding just being direct and calling it off altogether. so be it. Good luck .

He didn't get that. that's why I got a "what's going on I do want to meet you" call.

OP posts:
MiloSimpson · 15/06/2014 17:53

You're over thinking it and in the process trying to work something through in your mind which is all based on his lies and manipulation.

He's playing you, he sounds dreadful and there are many many red flags. Send him a message if you wish otherwise just block him and move on. First dates should not be hard work - if you want to meet someone you go out of your way to make them feel comfortable, you don't confuse them and leave them second guessing things.

Have a night in with Cake and Wine

expatinscotland · 15/06/2014 17:54

Silly billy? Don't text, stand him up. What a wanker, and yes, sounds married and trying to get away. Fuck him off entirely. Just block.

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 17:55

Oh fuck. Married. How stupid am I. I thought my radar was good. Seems not.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 17:56

Wine it is then. And plenty of it. FFS.

OP posts:
botanicbaby · 15/06/2014 17:58

argh what an incredible head fuck this man sounds - warning bells were there even before he started messing you around today!

  • don't believe he had a hospital stay with acute attack of whatever chronic syndrome he has Hmm
  • don't like the fact he stated he'd rather not meet someone who was multi-dating (before he'd even met you) then contacted you ten days later to find out if you were still seeing anyone else. reminds me of those guys who once you have acknowledged them by replying will keep going back to you for some, ANY, kind of contact or interaction.
  • "some" training as a counsellor, "helping" "troubled women" Hmm
  • cancelling today and making it sound final then TEXTING back to arrange it for later
  • telling you his DC would find it weird he'd bailed on them to meet someone he hardly knew. well, yeah, but it was completely unnecessary of him to point that out to you. Not even sure I believe the bit about the meal tbh.
  • checking up on whether you were online when he was meant to be having this important, special meal with his DC rather than focussing on someone "he hardly knew"
  • then telling you it was fine really to date other guys, well that's bloody generous of him to allow you that, eh? Hmm
  • calling you a silly billy

Suggested text: Don't contact me again you wack-a-do. I do not share your 'sense of humour'. You are a very silly billy if you think I would want to spend an evening with someone who has as many issues as you. Goodbye. Grin

louby44 · 15/06/2014 18:02

What have you decided about meeting him?

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:02

And that, botanic, completely puts the pieces together. In bits they were ok. all together not so ok.

So I'm going to say I'm not coming tonight or at any other time. That should do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:02

I'm not. I'm about to text him.

OP posts:
getthefeckouttahere · 15/06/2014 18:03

my first thought is he had another date planned and that didn't pan out so you were back on.

Whatever, this bloke is a tool. The whole counselling thing is very very weird if you ask me. YUK YUK YUK. Sod that!

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:06

ok i've text him. It's done. He will either ring and ask WTF is going on or I'll get another jokey text.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:08

Yep just got a text wtf is this about.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/06/2014 18:10

'This is about me, not wanto g to waste my time. Goodbye.' Then block

SwedishEdith · 15/06/2014 18:12

Does he actually use "wtf"? That's quite aggressive. Anyway doesn't matter now as he's history

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:12

Done.

OP posts:
ohldoneedtogetagrip · 15/06/2014 18:12

Don't reply--that will annoy him more than anything Grin

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:13

No to be fair that's my words. He said what the hell is going on. But - that doesn't discount what has been pointed out to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:14

Blocked.

OP posts:
MiloSimpson · 15/06/2014 18:17

Brilliant - now enjoy your evening and good luck finding a proper gent.

Original poster
akaWisey · 15/06/2014 18:18

Thank you. Going to get some Wine from the co-op.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 15/06/2014 18:23

"You tried to get arsey with me and called me a silly billy when I stood up to you on it. That's what's going on."