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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I would really like to meet someone lovely.

31 replies

Singlesuzie · 09/06/2014 22:43

been here for a gazillion years but namechanged because RL people know my usual name.

Split with exp almost 4 years ago. Had a couple of flings that went nowhere (happily- they were fun people but not right for me as a partner) but apart from those no love prospects. Tried onlone dating a few times, met a couple of nice men amongst the many weirdos. Lovely guys but no chemistry/spark/attraction.

I want to meet someone nice. I get out locally with friends once every few months for a drink, but money is really tight so i cant get out more than that or join any clubs/hobbies/groups etc. (i am job hunting so hopeful that will change soon)

I am quite a friendly person, in that i will chat with anyone and everyone who strikes up a conversation and i make an effort with clothes and make up etc but i actually never meet anyone that i would want to pursue a relationship with (and nobody seems interested in me either)

Not really sure what i'm after with this thread. Maybe just having a whinge. I'm just not sure where i'm going wrong. People always ask whether i'm seeing anyone and it's getting to the point where i'm wondering why the hell i'm not. I really would like to.

OP posts:
Rightallalong · 09/06/2014 22:55

Keep the faith. I am newly single so not best to advise but didn't want to read and run.

Wine - let's raise a virtual glass to being single and optimistic and downright bloody glorious

Original poster
Singlesuzie · 09/06/2014 22:57
Wine

Thank you. I have a single friend and we both console each other and repeat the "it'll happen" mantra but quite honestly i am wondering when the hell that will be.

OP posts:
Hughfearnley · 09/06/2014 23:16

Hi Suzie,
You sound lovely so I'm sure someone is just round the corner for you.
Have you thought about doing some volunteering? Cheap and gives exposure to people outside your social circle? Local walking group? (I'm biased as that's how I met DH)

Keep going with the online dating too. With OLD it's a numbers game. People who are successful at it meet a lot of people (and I mean a lot!) and weed them out at an early stage. Sites like Guardian soul mates and my single friend seem more successful than match or pof etc

Good luck and have fun!

NotNewButNameChanged · 09/06/2014 23:21

Just to say it's not just you. Four years single here but online dating was an absolute washout for me (unless you live in a very heavily populated area, I think it's fairly poor). None of my friends know any single people, never meet any at work or any of my clubs or volunteering, so I'm doing all the things 'they' say you should do.

I know that's not terribly positive but wanted you to know there's loads of us in exactly the same boat and there is safety in numbers!

Wrapdress · 09/06/2014 23:34

Same here! Single forever. I am trying visualization. Already did a total makeover and that improved gaining interest. Haven't started OLD, but will eventually (I am in major city). I have faith - our time will come. I know it - I just know it!!

WildBill · 10/06/2014 06:58

It'll happen, but try and get out of the mindset that you will only meet someone when you go out in the evening. You cross paths with men every time you go to the supermarket, walk the dog (if you have one) wait at a bus stop, catch a train - get into the habit of striking up friendly small talk in these situations...............

scotchtikidoll · 10/06/2014 07:05

WildBill that is a good point... you could miss the man of your dreams perhaps because he doesn't enjoy going out/ can't afford to, and that would be a crying shame when he is stood literally next to you in the fruit and veg bit!

Sassy777 · 10/06/2014 07:09

Agree with wildbill. My friend has met blokes in all sorts of situations - the passport office was one place! They were both waiting for ages so got chatting! Another boyfriend was her son's football coach.

Don't give up!

WildBill · 10/06/2014 07:19

Back when I was single I got dates from the Superdrug checkout Q,
Tesco and a man on a train who started talking to me because I was laughing out loud reading private eye.

I'm no supermodel but I am described as friendly and approachable. It's making that initial contact natural which you don't always get on 'night out' situations when you are eager to meet someone.

Original poster
Singlesuzie · 10/06/2014 09:47

Thank you all, i dropped off to sleep last night. Wanst being rude! Smile

I do try and chat with strangers in those type of situations but thinking about it, it's mostly women, mostly i think because it's mainly women in asda/post office/at the park/school run etc but also because i am aware that i'm not so confident chatting with men as with women. Maybe i think i'll have nothing in common to chat about with men or that they'll think i'm coming on to them and they're not single (overthinking?) b

But yes i will make more of an effort to appear approachable and chat with people.

WRT to online dating i am not in a very populared area at all so maybe that's not going to work for me.

Thanks for all comments, i try to stay positive but a friend told me she was pregnant (again) yesterday and it started the whole 'i want that tooooo!' Internal dialogue thing.

OP posts:
bibliomania · 10/06/2014 13:12

I know. Five years single here. I often feel optimistic - every time I take a train journey I wonder if I'll end up sitting next to someone interesting....It hasn't happened at all. I dabbled a bit in OLD but found myself with an intense feeling of not wanting to do it. Maybe it will just never happen.

Original poster
Singlesuzie · 10/06/2014 13:30

Maybe it will just never happen

I worry about this. I have a couple of aunts who after abusive marriages never met anyone else (not sure if trough choice or it just didnt happen) and i really couldnt imagine being happy liv

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlesuzie · 10/06/2014 13:32

ing alone, especially once the dcs are grown. Not just living alone, but not even having that one person who is your go to person for companionship/support etc.

OP posts:
MumOfTheMoos · 10/06/2014 13:36

I would second the volunteering - that's how I met my husband after years of short flings but no one I really wanted to spend time with.

I found as I got older, the idea that I would meet someone out for an evening got smaller and smaller, as when I did oh out it was to eat with friends not drink in a bar.

What about an allotment?

MumOfTheMoos · 10/06/2014 13:37

Oh - train journeys - my grandparents met on a train when my grandmother was reading the newspaper over my grandad's shoulder! That was before the war though!

MumOfTheMoos · 10/06/2014 13:39

Singlesuzie - it could happen at any time but I think you have to stop 'looking' and start living - it's much more attractive (although requires some creativity on a tight budget). - good luck with the job hunting!

rainbowfeet · 10/06/2014 13:43

Just saying you're not alone... It's very hard to meet a decent guy & that elusive spark.... Bar a couple of short relationships & disastrous flings I've been single for nearly 7 yrs!! Hmm

Think I've run out of hope now!!

oneperfectlimousine · 10/06/2014 15:24

I've just run out of hope. Single for the last ten years, and had some bad relationships before that. I think I just get nervous

BeCool · 10/06/2014 16:05

I've met some really nice men since I've become involved in a community gardening project - OK so they are either gay or married, so no relationship appeal there, but it nice to feel how great it is to meet and interact with new people in a lovely environment and strike up new friendships.

Original poster
Singlesuzie · 10/06/2014 16:54

Thank you all- i'm going to see what volunteering opportunities there are here locally.

Not sure if it's good to know there are so many others in the same boat or disheartening! Grin

OP posts:
MadeMan · 10/06/2014 18:36

"...my grandparents met on a train when my grandmother was reading the newspaper over my grandad's shoulder!"

Trains have sort of lost their romantic appeal these days, now that you usually have someone's armpit in your face for most of the journey.

MumOfTheMoos · 10/06/2014 18:42

You're right - they are not the same as they once were!

WildBill · 10/06/2014 18:47

Attitude ladies, attitude. Mindsets are too closed!

Benzalkonium · 10/06/2014 19:29

I agree with the idea of volunteering. This may well also help your job prospects. If you wait til you spot someone attractive in your daily life to strike up a conversation, of course you will feel self conscious of the fact that you are chatting them up. Try talking to people whether or not you find them attractive from the start... Sometimes a guy can grow on you who you didn't think of as 'your type' or especially attractive to start with.

My experience is that if you pursue an active and interesting social life, you have a better chance of finding a lovely man than if you dedicate yourself to dating. good luck with finding social activities which cost little... This is much easier in a bigger town or city.

Tinks42 · 10/06/2014 19:45

Where there's life theres hope Grin. My dad met the love of his life at 56. My Gran met someone at 65. It will happen. Im 51 and online date, why not as well as get out and about. I don't see the problem in staying online? Use a free site and pop on and off when you feel like it, it's still another avenue that doesn't need to be closed no matter where you live.

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