ExP and the Nutty Trollop are back together...what a surprise!

[louby44]

My exP split with his so called girlfriend at the beginning of May. They had a major row at some friends of ours and she got her ex to come and fetch her in the middle of the night, 2 hours drive away!!! She moved out back to her ex!!

ExP came crawling back to me, stupidly I listened and for a few days there was talk of a reconciliation between us. Link below - don't know how to do it??? But it never would have worked and I realise that now!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2091843-I-beleived-him-when-he-said-he-wanted-to-try-again-what-a-fool

I truly thought he would take this opportunity to take stock, be on his own, get counselling, address his anger issues that have wrecked all of his relationships, but no, it's better be with someone than be alone.

What a sad, pathetic stupid man!

That's all well and good. But you are still too interested and involved in his life, and in his motivations (for what they are worth)

Time to move on ? You seem rather stuck, love.

AF I am pretty stuck....I wasn't! I was soooo much better, but then 3 weeks ago he re-appears. Feel like I've taken 3 steps forward and 2 steps back!

I'm surrounded by memories living in this bloody house that refuses to sell. Moving on is hard when you have stuff you bought together, live in a house you bought together, even mowing the soddin lawn does my head in! Still linked financially and worrying every month whether he's going to pay his half of our massive mortgage!

So no, I haven't moved on! When I have I shall shout it from the rooftops!!

louby - hard as it might be, let him go. You are worth more than he can offer you when his OW decides to split with him.

Try not to analyse it, try to to guess how he should act. Concentrate on you.

I've just read your reply and I know how hard it is. I'm in the same position house and memories-wise. I also worry month to month whether my stbxh will pay his part of the mortgage.

Surround yourself with photos of your family, make a few minor changes to the house while it's on the market and then make plans for how you will make your new house a home.

This won't be your life forever

It's really hard to detach from a relationship that was important to you. Doesn't happen on its own and you have to consciously help the process along. Work out plans to separate finances, limit contact to the bare minimum.

I understand about the house, similar situation here. Can you redecorate? First thing I did was redecorate my bedroom and buy new bedding

X post but same viewpoint!

All finances are separate, apart from mortgage & loan which are joint.

We have no contact whatsoever, he lives 50 miles away! Thank god.

No interest (or money) in redecorating. Don't even want to buy plants to put in the garden, have zero interest in this house. I hate it. I only moved here so that my exP's kids would have their own rooms and he could get back on the property ladder. I have all the equity.

We are 11 miles/35 minutes from family/friends/school & work. Not far, but before we moved school/work were 10 minutes away!

I just feel that something is stopping me from selling/moving on! I'm stuck, in limbo. Had viewings and one stupid offer but no sale!

Had my fortune told in Feb, fortune teller (tarot cards) said I was selling my house!! and told me it would sell by June!! Well that's all bollocks isn't it!

Thanks everyone for listening to me! I need to get a grip!

June isn't over yet !

I don't set store by tarot card readers though, tbh. I believe we can make our own path in life, if we want to enough. There is something stopping you from wanting it enough.

I don't believe in it either although I was shocked that they picked up on the fact that my house was for sale.

I feel as though I'm surrounded by this fog/cloud hanging over me and that once it lifts the house will sell and I will feel better. I just don't know how to make the cloud disappear!

Lower the price ? Make it happen.

I've lowered it by £25k. It's chipping into my equity which will effect what I can subsequently buy. I had a woman who viewed twice and she seemed very interested, she was, I asked her outright! But the estate agents can't seem to get hold of her to find out what she wants to do. So, I presume she's no longer interested!

Two more weeks and it will have to be lowered, again. My £100k will be £70k - not good. But it's £65K more that HE will have!!

Have you held an open house day louby?

Is your estate agent any good?

I've gotta agree. Measuring what you will have against what he will have is (understandable, but...) ultimately futile and serves only to keep him at the forefront of your mind.

Yes had an open house with not one person viewing. Estate agents are good, in communication every week, suggested that I could rent so no chain, advertised in local paper etc.

chaseface I know, I know - but he hated that I have my money and he has nothing! I need to stop thinking about him! Tell me how? I've put an elastic band on my wrist and snap it every time my thoughts wander.

It's not overpriced, it's a large 5 bed house so stamp duty is 3% and likely to put people off. It's on for lower than we paid for it now!

There is only a housing boom in the South, we live in Staffordshire and there is no boom here! The press are talking through their arses as usual!

Tell me I'm barking up the wrong tree if I am...

But, if you have zero interest in your house are you sure you're presenting it correctly?? Does it look as good as it can? It might be worth taking some interest in it to really spruce it up in order to sell at the price you want it to.

I must admit you do seem too invested in your ex still. I'm also living in the shared home still, half finished DIY jobs, even done of his shitty stuff hanging about still. I also worry if he'll pay half the mortgage ( which he likes to threaten not to from time to time)...but I don't give him much head space and I certainly couldn't tell you who he's going our with, if anyone.

X post...

The way I stopped thinking about him was to remember a really vile/ nasty thing he did or said each time I started thinking of him. It soon put me off, I'd have a shudder and remind myself I was pleased to be out of it...mutter "cock" under my breath and then find something better to do. I kept busy. I concentrated on my kids. I worked on my career. A year and a bit and I still have my wobbles but not over him, just over being a single mum.

I live in a house that's 5 years old. It was decorated throughout 18 months ago. Gorgeous kitchen. Large rooms. The third floor is nearly self contained, massive garden as we have a double garage so garden on a big plot. Nice area. South facing garden with large decked area, nice plants, open views to the back!

It is a beautiful, well presented family home, modern, light and airy. Tastefully furnished. I've loved living here.

My friend cleans for me (mates rates) if I have a viewing at short notice as I work fulltime, so it's clean and tidy!

I hate it now! Want my own place so badly!

mamma yes that's what I need to start doing, remembering the shit times, not the 'what if...'

I need to remember his angry outbursts, his moods, his OCD and the way he treated my DC. I should hate him!

Being a single parent is no issue, I was that before I met him!

So glad you've moved on!

Remember that she now has to put up with his behaviour. You're well clear of it. I always bear that in mind when I think of my ex's various women - that they're now going through what I went through, and all the pain, doubt, questioning etc. Don't envy one of them. Its hard being on your own with kids, but even harder with a twat in tow!

Your house sounds lovely!!!! Shall we swop?! :)

I hope you get a firm offer soon. I do understand- I do dream if having a house which is mine from the beginning. Am actually trying to persuade my ex to sell.

Fingers crossed for you x

You need to get out of his love life and stay out. It's none of your business.

Golly, you sound a little bit of a pain in the arse.

You allowed your children to be treated abysmally by this ex - and admitted that.

Then he pissed off and so you are royally jealous and it seems a little bit vindictive perhaps .

And now you are trying to sell your huge house with its massive rooms and huge garden, on MN.

Sorry but I just can't find an ounce of sympathy for you.