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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He told me not to back chat him

27 replies

Ruineditall · 09/06/2014 18:14

Ive packed his bags and hes left. I cant contact him and i have to go thru his mum about dc. I hate his fucking guts!!! Hes nothing but a controlling bully that has crushed my confidence and destroyedmy self esteem he verbally emotionally and finacially abuses me and knocks me about. Hes bust my nose blacked my eye pushed me into to the back door pulled me up from the sofa by my hair throws things at me. He newi had been n a abusive relationship before and hes used against me. He says nasty things and then says im only kidding your a mardybitch that cant take a joke!!! Ive cried myself to sleep so many nights hating myself for putting the kids thru this. Hes all the family i had!

OP posts:

Original poster

Ruineditall · 09/06/2014 18:15

O and he told me as he was leaving the best thing i could do is overdose on my happy pills and die

OP posts:

Doinmummy · 09/06/2014 18:18

Oh no- the best thing you can do is move forward without this sorry excuse for a human being and live a happy life.

You are well rid. Have you any RL support.

MostlyMama · 09/06/2014 18:20

Sounds like you are well rid. Are you alright?

Original poster

Ruineditall · 09/06/2014 18:24

No RL support. Ye im fine kind of relieved really but hurt how things have turned out. We were arguing earlier and he told me not to back chat like he was shouting at a stroppy teenager.

OP posts:

HansieLove · 09/06/2014 18:29

The man has no redeeming features that I can see. Too bad that there are people like him on this earth.

sprite25 · 09/06/2014 18:32

Stay strong and keep him out of your life he sounds like a complete b*ard, you and your DC are better off without him and will no doubt be happier and free to enjoy life now he's gone

BitchyHen · 09/06/2014 18:37

You are well shot of him. My xh was emotionally abusive, we split up three years ago and my kids and I have never been happier. He was a master at making nasty comments and then saying it was a joke if I got upset. You may find you don't need your 'happy pills' anymore now he's not around. Look after yourself and don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.

Matildathecat · 09/06/2014 18:37

Please report him to the police to be kept on file if you don't feel able to press charges. Also log the fact that he is violent and you have just split up.

Then print off your original post and stick it somewhere prominent so you won't ever be tempted to return to this vile excuse of a relationship. He will come smarming back, you know that? Full of excuses. Break all contact and look after your dc and yourself.

Well done. Stay strong.

JaycesMummy · 09/06/2014 19:22

Well done for packing his bags. No man should ever treat a woman like that you are so much better without him. Did you ever report what he did to you to the police? No man should ever be able to get away with hitting a woman.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow · 09/06/2014 19:41

Are your DC his? I'm so sorry this has happened, stay strong and draw on any support you can get. Agree that you should report him, if you still have bruising then report soon so the police have evidence against him.

Hairylegs47 · 09/06/2014 19:47

Well done!
Your new future began the minute he went.
Stay strong, do as someone up thread said, print off your post to remind yourself just how awful it was, you didn't exaggerate anything.

Rightallalong · 09/06/2014 22:51

Stay strong.

Book some counselling and work on that self-esteem.

It really helps I promise.

You have happy times ahead and you just took the first step to reaching some joy.

Am right behind you willing you on.

Ledkr · 10/06/2014 07:29

Congratulations on deciding to leave him.
Life begins here my friend.
Do look for local support services too, don't do it alone.

43percentburnt · 10/06/2014 07:36

Well done for kicking him out. You did very well. Your children are far better off without him, they are your family, you are showing them it is unacceptable to abuse your partner.

Please report to the police. And do expect him to come crawling back when he realises you are not going to chase after him. Do you have children together? If so can you organise contact through a contact centre? I think you should seek a bit of support from health visitor (if young kids) or women's aid.

And when he starts contacting you, post on here for support. You are in control. Stay strong.

43percentburnt · 10/06/2014 07:39

Oh and change your user name, you Definately haven't ruined it all. You are fab and stood up for yourself against a bullying arse. Is that too long for a user name?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/06/2014 08:30

Well done making a stand. What was the last straw that made you pack his bags? And are the police involved? Family or not there's a history of assault there, he's still a danger (to you and probably other women) and you'd be fully entitled to press charges.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/06/2014 08:33

Well done! You have done the difficult thing. See this as a new start- good riddance.

ArcheryAnnie · 10/06/2014 08:47

You have done a brilliant, strong thing for you AND for your kids by getting him out of the house. Bloody well done.

Original poster

Ruineditall · 10/06/2014 11:34

Yes it was the straw that broke the camels back. A real light bulb moment i just thought do i want this for the next 50yrs. Im fed up of treading on egg shells, worrying about being late from work cos i got held up on a phone call last week i had a panick attack cos i was stuck in traffic and i knew i was going to be late. I was snapping at the kids because i was worried about them making too much noise or not keeping their toys tidy

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BlackeyedSusan · 10/06/2014 12:33

sounds like you have enough esteem to get rid of the controlling bastard. good for you! great news to be rid of him.

springydaffs · 10/06/2014 12:47

His telling you not to 'back chat' him shows exactly what he thinks of you and your relationship: that he is your superior and you need to learn respect for said 'superior'.

That's aside from the other stuff, which says the same thing, I expect.

Get along to the Freedom Programme as soon as possible. I have linked you to the page where you can find a group in your area. Really, it will open your eyes and you'll get a lot of support from it - vital info (it's a 12-week course that each week looks at different aspects of an abuser's tactics) and camaraderie with women who have and are experiencing the same thing.

You've done so well to get out - it's so hard to do but you did it, well done! If you have a history of abusive relationships then the Freedom Programme is a brilliant start to working out why.

Keep going, lovely. If you feel a panic attack coming on, breathe deep into your stomach, not shallow into your shoulders - it'll fend it off. In fact, keep an eye on your breathing to make sure you are regularly breathing properly (deeply) and if you do get a panic attack, d-e-e-p breaths to reboot your brain and tell the adrenalin to calm down xxxx

Original poster

Ruineditall · 10/06/2014 13:00

Thats what i thought hes always telling to grow up and respect him and without him im nothing. And that he picked me up out of the gutter. A real dickhead, i couldnt do anything right he picked over everything i did or said and he was really good at convincing me that i had said or done something when i no i hadn't but i would still apologise

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lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 10/06/2014 13:06

Well done for making your decision. You and your children do not have to put up with that crap. I wish you well. xx

Jan45 · 10/06/2014 13:14

Your ex is dysfunctional and probably a bit mental. Yeah my sister's ex told her the same shite, it's him in the gutter now with a serious drink problem, she has blossomed every day since she got rid of the evil cunt.

Stay strong, just because you've put up with it doesn't mean you have to anymore, think of your kids, they don't want to be around a monster now do they.

FTS123 · 10/06/2014 13:45

Congratulations on getting rid of this tosser, and welcome to your new, happier life

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