Am I wrong? Sex related...

[Seb101]

This Saturday just gone we had our first night without our daughter who's 2.5yrs old. (She slept at parents)
For days we had been planning our night... Lovely meal out, late night, glorious lie in etc. we'd also planned some steamy sex! Dh requested outfit etc. I had outfit, stocking, heels, candles, music etc all ready. We'd talked about playing loud music, having noisy sex all over house. Basically everything we don't usually get a chance to do. This was a one off special opportunity! I was so looking forward to it. Especially the sex. To have sex with abandon, not worrying about child hearing/waking up!
Anyway, we went out for lovely meal. Got home early ish; 9.30pm. I opened bottle of wine. Went upstairs, dh in bed watching football and informs me he's tried and going to sleep. He was asleep by 10pm!
Now this is where I don't know if I reacted badly. I said I was disappointed for all
The reasons mentioned here. He didn't really respond, he went to sleep. I was very upset and if I'm honest bloody pissed off!
The next day I was offish with him. We still spoke civil to each other and went out for day. But I was moody I admit. I text him today to apologise for being moody, explained how I felt and said let's forget it and move on.
He is annoyed that I put pressure on him. He said we both have to accept when the other doesn't want sex, and not be stroppy about it. I agree with him. BUT I feel
He should have made an effort. This wasn't some random night where one of us didn't fancy it. This was special... An opportunity we won't get again for a long time!
Am I being a bitch here? Am I
In the wrong?

When we got rid of our toddler for sleepovers, all we did was sleep...

And OP is being unreasonable guilting like this.

Personally, if I'd put in a special request for outfits/type of sex/whatever, I'd have tried to put in the effort, even if I was tired. This does not mean I think people should have sex when they don't want to. This does mean that sometimes I'm not entirely in the mood but I put in a bit of effort, and then suddenly it doesn't seem like an effort when I warm up a bit.

So, you know, you're not being completely unreasonable but it's done now, so clear the air move on. Better luck next time!

Mind you, although I think you were unreasonable, I'd pay close attention to see if he does anything like this again, of asking for the works and then slumping in front of the tv and dismissing you. Then it would start to be a red flag.

Personally I don't think the OP was wrong to feel rejected, but obviously it depends what you mean by offish. It's not right to be angry at your partner, just because they don't want sex. It is justified however, to be annoyed if someone sneaks off to watch football. I would be very hurt

Look at the bigger picture here. Don't be angry and it really could just be one of those things. If I were you though, I'd want to ask him why he thinks it happened. Make it clear its not just about the not having sex, it's more about the feeling of being rejected.

And

And I don't think "being on a promise" obligates you

What's facepalm?!...

*Jan45 & Alibab no it's not a joke.

9:30pm with a kid can feel like 2am to some people. For me personally, I have a sleeping disorder so that late at night and I'm pretty much done... let alone going out on the town (more energy involved).*

Their child was staying with parents overnight, the night was planned for days, the OP says herself a late night was planned with a long lie in - sorry but even with one child 9.30pm on a Sat night is not normally considered a late time, I don't know anyone who goes to bed at this time, esp if the child's away.

The issue in hand is not really about the OPs OH being tired, it's about a plan they made together that he suddenly decided at the last minute that football was more important.

I'd be q naffed off. Of course he has the right to refuse but it's weird that he asked you make such an effort and then couldn't be faffed.

Well we had a good chat, cleared the air. We both explained how we felt. I think we both appreciate how it made the other feel. We both apologised for the way things panned out, and all is good.
It was just one night, and everyone is right saying it's not a big deal.
Talking really is the key to solving problems; I know I feel loads better having got it off my chest.
Lesson learnt I think; I shall not be planning a big night like that again in a while. Let things be spontaneous I think
Thanks all for your wise words. X

Seb, you can't ask for much more than that.

Good on both of you, no it wasn't a big deal but your initial post was asking if you were in the wrong, no, you were not, your OH was pretty inconsiderate, hardly a hanging offence, he's apologised now so time to forget and move on.

Aw, a happy ending.

NB. Don't plan any super-sexy time over the next few weeks. (world cup, innit)

Expecting you to truss yourself up and then not even giving you the benefit of an explanation is off. I'd be moody about that but not moody that I didn't get laid

I think most women turn their husbands down regularly, if they sulked every time we would never speak to each other. However, he is weird.. you're all dressed up and he says NO....Idiot

I can't believe they have let RussellToastMe loose in prof kitchen! Yikes!

So sorry wrong thread. Damn me phone.