Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long after giving birth did you wait to DTD?

38 replies

Aradia · 09/06/2014 00:19

Our baby is now 10 weeks and we still haven't done it yet. We didn't have sex for probably half of my pregnancy either and although I'm missing the intimacy I don't have much of a sex drive at all at the moment if I'm honest (I'm BF which I've read can affect it too).

Is this normal? How long did you wait? And how the heck do you get the ball rolling again so to speak? The longer I go without the less I want to but I do miss him and love him so would like to start heading in that direction again somehow..

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/06/2014 07:14

There's really no normal set deadline. Having a baby is a physically and emotionally draining experience and it can take time for things to get back to normal. If you want to get the ball rolling again then start small... intimacy is about far more than 'DTD' and, as long as you and your partner are on the same page, it's more important to be close, loving and sensitive than to feel that you ought to be doing anything specific. Set the scene, find some time to be together, put the baby to bed.... even if all you do is share a glass of wine and a chat (about anything other than the baby, I'd suggest) over a relaxed meal, that's a start. Is there any pressure being applied by your partner or is this concern more yours?

Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2014 07:30

My DS is 11 weeks and we haven't DTD yet.
We haven't DTD since I was 20 weeks pregnant Grin

And I have absolutely no desire to at this present time either!

mrsmugoo · 09/06/2014 07:36

Almost 13 weeks here and not yet either.

I really want to but I go to bed when the baby does and he won't be put down to nap so we just can't, logistically at the moment.

My DH understands and is supportive. When the baby starts sleeping better and I can get a bit of an evening back I'm sure we'll get back in the saddle.

FidgetPie · 09/06/2014 07:39

We waited 9 months after DD1 was born, DD2 is 6 months and we still haven't. But for us, as well as not having very high sex drives, both children took years to conceive - which takes a lot of the fun out of DTD. So we kind of need time to recover and reclaim it for us. I have friends who waited just a few weeks - so it really varies.

vestandknickers · 09/06/2014 07:44

We waited about four years.

17leftfeet · 09/06/2014 07:49

I know people with babies 10 months apart so obviously some people don't wait long at all!

We waited about 10 weeks with both of ours although I could quite happily have gone a lot longer but now exp was keen to rekindle things in the bedroom

I wish I had waited until I was ready

MsFanackerPants · 09/06/2014 08:01

About 5 weeks. My milk leaked everywhere and it wasn't very good at all, but it was more for the intimacy than anything else and to feel like I was me not just baby maker and baby feeder. I had a high sex drive before I was pregnant and until my spd and polyhydramnios made sex all but impossible we carried on right through my pregnancy until about 36 weeks.

We manage it about once a fortnight now, DD is 6 months, depending on how knackered I am and if DD stays asleep. I'm still bf so my boobs are out of bounds as them being touched just shuts down any sexual feelings

Little things were and are important like holding hands while we watched tv, DP brushing my hair, a back/foot rub or snuggling up to each other in bed and having silly conversations. Apart from the tiny tyrant in the cot, it's a bit like when we first got together.

scrivette · 09/06/2014 08:16

Everybody is different, we didn't for just over a year.

cantseemtohaveitall · 09/06/2014 10:44

About a year - 18 months, I forget!

And I BF'd for a year too - def never felt in the mood having a baby constantly on boob and exhausted all the time - and my DH is a wonderful man.

firesidechat · 09/06/2014 10:58

6 weeks due to episiotomy first time and a small tear the second. I wanted to wait till the all clear at the 6 month check.

It might possibly be helpful to get opinions from other people, but I think this is such a personal thing and you can only do what works for you and your partner. In a way, what we all did is a bit irrelevant.

beccajoh · 09/06/2014 11:01

Six months after DD was born (I was too traumatised). And now almost five months on after DS was born, but different situ because I found out I had cancer when he was 3 months old and had some fairly major surgery a few weeks back. Had that not happened I think we'd have DTD a few weeks ago.

ilovemonstersInc · 09/06/2014 11:06

After last pregnancy it was after 6week check. I was up for it dh was rather worriee about it as I had a really badtime aftee having ds ended up in icu and on postnatal ward for 2weeks. Turns out the condoms were shit. Ds is 11months old and im nearly 7months pregnant Hmm

weatherall · 09/06/2014 11:08

I had a friend who claimed to have DTD whilst still in hospital! [shocked]

Don't know if I believe her tbh.

WowserBowser · 09/06/2014 11:11

About 3 weeks. But i really really wanted to. If i hadn't, he would have waited.

I think it's entirely up to you.

Seb101 · 09/06/2014 12:39

2 weeks for me. I couldn't wait to get back to it. I'd had a Caesarian and as soon as the pain had faded I was keen to get our sex life back on track. We'd had no sex during last 8 weeks of pregnancy, so we were both keen to re start asap.

IWillYeah · 09/06/2014 13:07

DC1 - emergency section - waited until 10 weeks, but took it very slow after that and werent at it like rabbits. My libido was slow to come back and I felt like a fat frump.

DC2 - elective section - felt like it at about 3 weeks, but waited until 6 week check. Much more into it all again this time around.

WonderingAllowed · 09/06/2014 13:31

DC1 after 6 week check
DC2&3 after 6 week check (c-section)
DC4 5 days after a normal labour and big baby! It was my idea, DH was a bit [shocked] and kept asking me if I was alright Grin and I certainly was. We also did it up until 2 days prior to the birth day and we had been married 17 years at that point!

evertonmint · 09/06/2014 13:42

About a month in after both (vaginal deliveries, a few stitches but no major problems), but we had both enjoyed sex right through pregnancy too so it wasn't like we had to rediscover intimacy so much.

Expecting DC3 any day now and still having sex now so suspect it will be similar again provided the birth is reasonably straightforward again.

It took a good while to get back to fairly regular sex though. I think normal for us post children is around once a week and it probably took a year both times to get back to that.

soontobeslendergirl · 09/06/2014 13:43

I can't remember exactly but I have two children 13 months apart so clearly not long enough!

First was an emergency section after 36 hours established labour and nearly an extra day in early labour (baby back to back)

2nd was planned section.

I'm pretty sure the staples were out both times but not sure we waited til 6 week appointment.

curiousuze · 09/06/2014 13:45

I've done it and it was fine, but still waiting to be actually in the mood (18 months and counting). I'm still bf-ing though so that might be part of the issue.

MrsBungle · 09/06/2014 13:45

We were getting on for a year I think! Absolute last thing on both our minds!

juneau · 09/06/2014 13:47

I think it was about eight weeks the first time and a bit longer the second. Its so personal though. Depends entirely on so many things - your delivery, your recovery, how you feel about your body, how your DP feels, how exhausted you are, how high your sex drives are, etc.

WhizzPopBang · 09/06/2014 13:55

Probably about three months, but it was painful as I think I'd shrunk a bit, it had been so long Blush (I'd had a c section, so I think my fanjo had seized up with under-use!) - took til at least six months or so to feel normal again...

MushroomSoup · 09/06/2014 20:30

About a week! After each of the 4DCs.

MushroomSoup · 09/06/2014 20:30

I'm only just realising how unusual that is.