confused

[ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA]

I have not had a great evening
my dh has said some really unkind things such as i am a needy wife. Yes i have very complex health but i am as independant as can get i am able to take daughter to school, do shopping go out etc etc. he has also said he is starting to regretting marrying me just because i am trying to discuss future diy projects.and he thinks i want different things he's never said that before.
Uugh. I dont know why i am on here typing when ppl go through worse. Are these comments part of the 'script'. Maybe someone has turned his head i dont know. We also had some news my 'one' of the conditions i have is worse and may need surgery so i dont know if its just a reaction to that. So many things were said tonight i feel really sad and confused to what he really wants.

don't know but I'm sending supportive vibes.

Thanks i have tried so hard. I have no more strength to do this anymore :(

I'm sorry nobody has come alongside you in your distress and confusion, so if I open my mouth and put my foot in it, please forgive me.
Life within your disability must be hard enough with the full co-operation of your husband. When that falls away it is very hard to know where to turn.

In the first place let me say that I don't think that it is ever right to be nasty to anybody, least of all your life partner. But it has happened and you need to deal with it. Was there anything that triggered his outburst? Is it indeed a reaction to the news that you may (at least for a time) need more of his care?

Once again, I'm not saying that you just have to 'suck it up' or anything of the kind, but I wonder if it is possible to ask for some extra help that does not come from him?
You too must be struggling with all you are doing within your disability and rather than just rail against what he has said (which again was very wrong) can you turn it into a positive and release him from part of your care?

I have said he need not bother coming with me to london for future appointment or surgery. I will just get a taxi from the station and deal with it myself.
He feels i want 'everything' and said i was needy. So i think that is what i can do to change the situation and also get a job despite my circumstances then he wont feel i am needy.

I think you are right to make yourself independent from his 'care'.

I think you also need to tell him quite calmly that his attitude is totally unacceptable and that you will not be subject to his nastiness again. At the moment you sound mainly angry and that is understandable, but being angry also takes a lot of energy. Is there a friend that can come with you?

Thanks. Yes i am angry i had a procedure only recently prob out myself now and he is moaning that, i dont respect the house and keep it tidy when i do what i can and he wont get a cleaner. so yes i am stil quite angry being told i am needy. Yes have a couple of people i could ask to come with me. I understand its hard for him too

And very 'needy' himself.

Now he is denying he said it twisting things ffs.

Seems there is more to this, a lot more, than meets the eye. I have no experience of this sort of marital discord.
Is this another situation where you are financially dependent on him? There has been a lot of it about on these threads. The 'Emotionally abusive' thread has gone very quiet, but you might like to post on there.
Saying nasty things and then turning them around and denying things seems indeed a bit of a 'script'. If at all possible I would carry on with something 'normal' and not go back to the argument for a bit.

Thats good advice could you add a link for the thread you meantioned please?

here

As I said, the thread has gone very quiet. There's also another one, I'll see if I can find it again.

this one. It is a little while ago and so it's not clear what happened to the original poster. Maybe you can pick up some useful information from it, maybe you feel your situation is not as bad as the poster on that thread, I don't know.

Thank you for your help and advice.x