It's all gone horribly wrong between my sisters and I feel caught in the middle.

[EleanorHandbasket]

I'm just looking for some outside persectives really, I can't see the wood for the trees.

I used to be a Childminder, and looked after my sister's DC, she was bossy and micro managed my day, was late picking up more often than not (she used to phone an hour after pick up time to say she was just leaving work!), sent the children to me poorly and 'negotiated' to only pay me for the hours I had them, ie not when the eldest was at preschool for three hours a day.

Despite all this, I loved having the children and tolerated her behaviour towards me far longer than I should have, really. A year ago it all got a bit much and I gave up CMing entirely and now work ft out of the house.

My younger sister registered as a CM and took over with sister1's children. She has had all the same issues. On top of this, my youngest niece (2) has started biting, and has bitten sis2's younger child several times, badly. After nearly a year, sis2 decided, after much thought, that it really wasn't working, and gave Sis1 four weeks notice. A week later DN gouged, scratched and bit sis2's baby terribly (lots of blood, it was pretty horrific tbh) and Sis2 said enough was enough, with immediate effect.

She didn't leave her in the lurch, she spoke to our parents first and arranged for my mum and dad to step in until September, when DN was due to start almost ft nursery anyway.

Still with me? Sorry if it's long and boring complicated.

Sis1 is absolutely FURIOUS and so is her DH. I didn't see her for a couple of weeks after all this and when I eventually saw her at the weekend she was really ranting, horribly so, about how sis2 is not cut out to be a CM and that as family she shoudl be more flexible about lateness and illness and biting. She isn't speaking to her and is spitting with rage about the whole thing.

Back when I was first talking about stopping CMing (I gave her three months notice by the way), we talked about Sis2 looking after my DS2 (also 2) and sis1 finding alternative (ie not family) care. Sis1 went mad at us and said that as I was leaving her without childcare she got 'dibs' on sis2. This was fine and I have used a combination of different CMs since then, with DS2 going to my sister one day a week on the day my nieces don't go.

So now that all this has happened, sis2 has asked if she can have DS2 full time, which I am very happy with as I'd rather he went to the same CM all week. On a purely financial level, sis2 will make the same money from my one child than she has from our two nieces, due to the unpaid preschool hours across the week. And it's a much shorter day as DH and I work differing hours so he is home in time for school pick up.

So sis1 is convinced that sis2 is giving up for an easier life, and just refuses to see that she is in fact a bloody nightmare parent from a CM point of view. When I said than no CM would take a biter for long, particularly not after the fifth or sixth incident of drawn blood, she got really defensive and shouty.

I have tried patiently explaining that no CM would put up with the lateness (up to two hours, and more often than not) let alone everything else, and her response to that was that she can't just walk out of work on time if she's needed and we shoudl be more understanding as she's family. She is an office manager by the way not a surgeon...

So that's where we're at, I have no idea what else to say to her when she rants but I am not prepared to listen to her slagging off sis2 (who is bloody lovely tbh) when we have all, as a family, gone way above and beyond with childcare for her.

Oh, god, I'm sorry this is so long, bravo if you make it through. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

I'm so stressed about this because if it comes down to a big family row it will be awful, so so far everyone is tiptoeing around sis1 and being all gentle with her but honestly I think I';m going to blow if she keeps ranting about it.

[NMFP]

But she was still late. She responded to the 'crisis' of her partner being unable to pick up by expecting others to accept the inconvenience.

She should have asked her employer to let her leave in time or arranged for the CM arrangement to be extended for an hour or two.

It must be hard for her with his accident but it doesn't justify lying.

[Quitelikely]

She sounds like a farce. Show her this thread. That might do it.

[BranchingOut]

I too remember your old threads and am relieved that you are no longer CMing for her.

But do you really need to be involved this time? It sounds as if it is between DSis1 and DSis2.

[diddl]

She sounds hard work!

And yet she has been further enabled by having her childcare reorganised for her!

So her way of treating you all works, doesn't it!!