It's easier for me to write it all out on here instead of venting in RL because I don't really have anybody to talk to. This will most likely be long.
I was supposed to be going to a concert tonight with some friends and their dcs, I've been looking forward to it for a while even though I'm not a massive fan of the band, I still quite like their stuff and the atmosphere I'm sure will be fantastic.
I told dp several weeks ago that I was going and he would need to look after the dcs, just for a few hours. As usual he laughed and took the piss out of me for wanting to go out, slagged off my friends and said I was sad and pathetic for going but I could go if I wanted. I tried to ignore his comments because it's the same no matter where I want to go, even if I asked to go to the cinema I'd get the piss taken out of me, slagged off, told the film was crap and asked why I wanted to go in a mocking accusatory tone which upsets me and he knows it. I have missed every single social event I've been invited to in the past year (no exaggeration) because he refuses to look after the dcs or makes things so difficult for me to go out, by the time I've battled with his questions and argued my point I'm too tired to go and I'm not in the mood.
I'm not sure if that makes sense but imagine someone constantly laughing and mocking you for wanting to go out with your friends, sulking, refusing to talk to you, making the atmosphere at home horrible you can see why I just give up and don't go.
I've just had enough. He has booked himself in for a pool competition tonight, knowing fine well I was meant to be going out. He won't be back till about 10pm now and that's when the concert finishes. He has done this so I can't go. He said his parents will watch the dcs if I take them to their house (35 miles away) but he knows I can't because he has taken the car away with him today so I can't use it. His parents are very elderly and will never be able to cope or look after a 5yo and a 1yo, he also knows this but he now has a solid 'well I sorted childcare but you didn't take them' argument to use against me so I just won't win.
I'm not upset about the concert, fair enough I'm a bit old to be going anyway but I am upset at missing yet another event I've been invited to and missing out on a few hours to myself. I was looking forward to relaxing but it just won't happen. He will be out all night playing pool (he goes out 4/5 nights a week drinking/playing pool) and I'll be bored to tears in the house. My friends are going to stop inviting me out eventually because I always let them down. He works full time and I'm not working at the moment so he doesn't see why he should have to 'babysit' at all or help with anything because that's what I'm here for.
I just can't make him see why I need time to myself. It's not every week it's once every couple of months and I have saved up for it. I'm going to get the bus into town and buy some new clothes with the cash I'd saved but I am still upset with his attitude.
Sorry that was long and rambling