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Original poster

Work and relationship

64 replies

Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 20:37

I don't want to give too many specifics but I would like to see what other people think about this scenario.

One male boss and female subordinate. They have partners and are in long term relationships separately. He is 40 and she is 30 going on 16.

They are always at each other's desks, joking and laughing. He has jokes with her about him being her favourite. She says she would only attend work do if he is coming too. He calls her naughty. She talks about him all the time, and knows his diary like the back of her hand. He also touches/shakes the back of her chair which seems a little weird as he does it to nobody else.

Is there something going on between these two?

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 30/05/2014 22:03

Mm, awkward.

I don't believe anything you say will make a difference - or rather, if something's going on, it'll drive it underground.

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:04

I didn't mean to be misleading but I do work with him! I have known him through work before meeting his wife and becoming friends with her.

I am not sure if he is a snagger or will ever be.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2014 22:06

Ylure not misleading in least,its apparent you favour him,and easier to think she temptress

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:06

JohnFarleysRuskin I have thought about this as well.

Then another side if me thinks that I saw nothing obvious as per say - no kissing, holding hands but there has been some fingers/arms brushing. right I look like a stalker now

OP posts:
Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:07

scottishmummy this is not really the point is it?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2014 22:07

Bottom line is will you tell your suspicion to his wife

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:09

I think I have to be factual about things and let her question the late night working.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2014 22:10

Its completely the point that you seem to apportion more blame to the female
If they're both shaggers,theyre both responsible.you seem keen to portray her wanton

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:13

Yes I did. Part of me wants to believe that he is a good man for the sake of his wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:13

Thanks scottishmummy

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 30/05/2014 22:15

I see the dilemma,and i dont know the answer
But lets be clear no man is tricked,coerced away from wife by a wanton woman

JohnFarleysRuskin · 30/05/2014 22:27

Sm is right, you do clearly favour the fella which is understandable but not entirely realistic.

I'm afraid I probably would sit this out, unless I were very close to the wife, and then I would gently plant some seeds. Maybe.

Fairenuff · 30/05/2014 22:46

I would speak to him and tell him what you, and presumably others, are seeing. Tell him that it looks like they are flirting in a way that they don't do with anyone else and it looks as if they are heading towards an affair. Tell him that you are not judging him, just informing him.

Then see if he curbs his behaviour at all.

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 30/05/2014 22:53

Fairenuff I think this sounds like a good idea and will protect his wife too in the process. My only worry is that maybe he is already cheating (by that I mean shagging) and this will really upset his wife. Sad

OP posts:
Maisie0 · 31/05/2014 01:23

If this is bothering you then do something about it. I do not quite understand this. You wrote that you mentioned things on here, about things which we cannot know either, since we are not in the office. So there are no proof. And at the same time, it seems to me that you do have some loyalty to this person, as well as his wife. So why not mention how things look from the bystanders' viewpoint and be done with ? I presume that you can do that clearly ?

If anything, it gives him an opportunity to learn how to BE a manager. At the moment, it seems like that he lacks this skillset.

Wrapdress · 31/05/2014 01:35

It's none of your business.

But having said that -
My guess is what you see is the only thing going on. If they were really shagging they would have become more discreet and would have been able to indulge their crushes privately. Since they are out in the open with their flirting, I would think this is all that is going on.

Chottie · 31/05/2014 05:10

I think you should step away.

You do not know what is going on between boss / subordinate and also between boss / wife. For all you know boss / wife may have an open relationship or she may just be turning a blind eye because she likes the lifestyle.

Or, you maybe just reading a lot into something which does not exist except in your mind If there is a fallout, you will not be thanked.

Pugaboo · 31/05/2014 07:11

A lot of workplace flirting goes on without leading anywhere. I've seen it dozens of times. In fact I've never seen flirting between people who actually were having an affair.

I think talking to the boss - but not in the workplace - is a good idea.

WildBill · 31/05/2014 07:40

There may or may not be something going on but they've started doing the mating dance at least.
As for the rest it's absolutely non of your business so ignore.

Sunbeam18 · 31/05/2014 08:23

It was the 'she's not even pretty' comment of yours that struck me, OP. That sounds like jealousy to me. And why are you obsessively wondering if they have or have not shagged?? They are flirting in the office, and are both responsible for their own actions and the consequences of them.

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 31/05/2014 08:33

Thank you for all your messages.

I have decided that I will meet him alone and tell him something along the lines of... People are talking, and you don't want that to get to mrs boss who will be devastated.

Chottie They are not in an open relationship. You know these things when you know people for that long.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 31/05/2014 11:02

Not necessarily OP. Boss's wife knows him well but you think she doesn't know about this.

Original poster
Sylviasfamily · 31/05/2014 11:18

Fairenuff Boss's wife does not have a clue. In the last 10 years Boss has been friendly but always professional. He has been focused on work, does not really joke or touch people or have endless one to one meetings. Things have just been different with the newish girl.

I'm not sure how things are at home with wife. Both have quite high powered and very separate positions.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 31/05/2014 11:27

This is hard, isn't it? Something similar is happening at my work. I used to wonder about it like you do, but now I have taken a step back and I don't think about it any more. They are two adults and they don't need me telling them how to behave. I will be very sad if it turns out that they are having an affair because I know the married person's family and I respect them both, but no-one can control or live another person's life for them. They'll have to work it out themselves.

Fairenuff · 31/05/2014 16:33

Well that's my point, OP. She doesn't have a clue about what goes on in his work life so it's quite easy to see that, despite what you think, you might not really know what goes on in their sex life.