Humiliated, lied to, but I love him! (Jezza related, sorry)

[JonSnowKnowsNothing]

Yes I know Jeremy Kyle is a horrible man who exploits people for quick audience yuks, but I just wondered about this as it's a quite a common theme - and I'm sure not just on the Jez show.

Essentially, an attractive, pleasant 18 year old woman was on this morning, having received messages on FB from women claiming to be sleeping with her DP of a year. One was pregnant. The woman on the show was distraught; her mother angry.

The chap came out and he was predictably vile. Inarticulate, unattractive, mono syllabic. She was way out of his league. He swore on his son's life he'd pass the lie detector test and predictably failed. "It was only once!" He claimed. Now I know the lie detector is far from an exact science, but every pore of this man suggested deceit.

The mum was doing her best to protect her daughter but the woman kept pushing her away and saying "stop it mum, I love him." She decided she wanted to stay with him.

So, point of this rant was - what the hell is going wrong if attractive, nice women see men like this as good catches. And that cheating is fine because I Love Him. Is society teaching us that Keeping a Man is more important than keeping your self respect? Just wondering if anyone else saw it, or had any thoughts...

(Oh yes, and of course when the woman said through tears she wanted to stay with him, Jezza became FOUL to her.)

Hmm I sound like I've taken this far too seriously!

I can't see how society is promoting this to be honest. She is young. She knows no better or no different at this stage. When I think back to the 18 to 25 year old me I shudder. Almost all of my relationships were with prize knobbers. You would hope that as people mature they are able to make better life choices.

What the hell is wrong is that somewhere along the way an 18 yo girl has bought into the idea that any boyfriend is better than no boyfriend. It's not a new thing.

Perhaps you're right, cant. Actually, she was VERY "with it" for an 18 year old, she had a kid and seemed very sorted, so maybe I was unfairly shocked at her shit judgement. It just got to me as she seemed so nice and he was, essentially, a turd.

I know it's not a new thing, just wondering where in the first eighteen years of someone's life, this message become (presumably) subconsciously engrained.

Having a kid at 18 doesn't necessarily mean someone is 'sorted'... just 'fertile'... Was the cheating Neanderthal the father?

Yes, definitely a huge element of having a man being important. I like men and all, but an alien concept to me tbh.

Also, and I doubt there'd be many agree with me on this point (even though I'm completely right of course!), I wouldn't assume a woman who was attracted to, and sustained a relationship with, a nobber actually was all that 'nice' tbh.

Weak at the very least and that's not a a character trait to be found in most good, genuinely good, decent, trustworthy people anyway.

Low Self Esteem.

I've read many times on here that "I could end it with him/kick him out/leave, but then I'd be on my own." Have to assume from that that fear of being on your own, or some kind of stigma attached to it, is what keeps a lot of people in shitty relationships.

I think it's a reasonably common tendency in people to defend their life choices if their family keep questioning them, too.

Weak at the very least and that's not a a character trait to be found in most good, genuinely good, decent, trustworthy people anyway.

Wow

There's no subconsciously about it. Girls have always been not-so-subtly pushed towards marriage and babies. In the old days it was dollies & prams graduating to teen-love stories in Jackie mags or the Brontes if they were blue-stockings. Now they have the full onslaught of Facebook peer-pressure, 'Twilight' and morons like Jordan who make an entire career out of which Neanderthal they are marrying/splitting up with this week!

I've got the same with a younger relative of mine. Her relationship with her bloke is off the scale dysfunctional. He's an absolute pig of a man, fat, ugly, drinks too much (and other habits!) lazy, he's vile to her, they have proper punch ups - neighbours have been known to call the cops, he looks at porn all the time and doesn't even bother to hide it, he would no doubt shag other women as well if there was anyone out there daft enough .. but it seems no-one is apart from my relative. Like I say - he's not exactly what you'd call Brad Pitt , more like Rab C Nesbitt, and is punching above his weight already looks wise with my relative.

Periodically she turns up weeping and wailing after some new crisis, bust up, police involvement .... but no amount of talking sense to her does any good. Every sentence ends with 'but I Love Him' 'He pissed on my head when I was asleep ... but I Love Him' 'He shat in my knicker drawer .... but I Love Him' (obviously I made those up but you get the gist.)

They've got no kids, and she has her own lovely little house she could move back into any time .. but chooses to live with him ffs! She's also very attractive (although being with him has aged her a lot - I was shocked when I saw her recently) good job, nice car, great personality. Fuck knows what she's doing with him, but anything anyone says,it's always ..... 'You don't understand .... I Love Him'.

You even read it on here ... people write the most terrible things about what their partner has done to them and then say 'don't tell me to leave him cos I Love Him/he's my soulmate etc etc.

All very well to make dreadful romantic decisions when you're a teen. Who doesn't? But if you've got a child then that's a lot more worrying, you can cause long-term emotional damage with bad boyfriend picks.

No the vile Neanderthal wasn't the dad. Also, but "sorted" I just meant seemed fairly intelligent. Although perhaps I'm comparing with other Jk usuals. (Yes, I know I'm crap for watching it often)
kelly I know what you mean about "nice" people not having relationships with nobbers.... I agree to an extent, but I've been that person. So cripplingly low in self esteem you ignore the fact they grow drugs are dicks.

Bosie I must admit I struggle when I see people post fear of being alone as an excuse not to leave an abusive cunt. I want to say how fucking good it is being independent but don't want to seem crass.

I think usually these people have such low self esteem they don't truly believe they deserve better.

I think more of us should say how great it is to be independent. Against the tidal wave of 'better get yourself a nice bloke to look after you babe or you'll be left on the shelf... ' it won't make much of a difference but it's still worth saying.

Agree Cog. Something I have tried to instil into my two girls

I absolutely agree with that, Cog, but I've stopped now as a couple of people have made me feel I'm a "desperate singleton" trying to convince myself.
Everyone, male or female, should experience living alone, being responsible for their own household at some point in their early adulthood. (Idealistic, I know. I have friends who work their arses off in care homes but still can't afford their own bed sit.)

Kelly. ODFOD.

Gosh, you make some really good points there, Frogisatwat, food for thought certainly.

Frog is spot on compared to this dross
I wouldn't assume a woman who was attracted to, and sustained a relationship with, a nobber actually was all that 'nice' tbh

I think your post is full of shit kelly. And you certainly don't come across as 'nice'. Good job you don't work for womens aid.
Excuse typos cba correcting. Just in case you are a pedant too.

Was that the one that was doing the wailing and the fake big hitches of breath during it? The way her mother was behaving was telling that the 18 yr old likes a huge big lot of drama, goes running to her mother after every row and hopefully will grow up eventually and dump the loser she's with.

I saw it - he was always going to be lying wasnt he!
I worry about my 16 year old dd and the way she is with her bf.
She was going to finish with him today because "theyre just not that happy" but I bumped into them twice in town and they looked full of the joys of spring.
I have raised her to be a strong, independent woman knowing she doesnt need a man to complete her and she is already going down that road.... argh.

gamerchick I dont know if youre talking about the same guest but if so, i didnt interpret her in that way.

LGL1 I don't have kids so don't know how that feels, but I can imagine its not a good feeling. Hopefully shes got it under control!