My lack of friends is a problem...apparently

[twilight17]

Been in a relationship for a year, all very sudden. Met online, moved in together four months ago and for the most part we are blissfully happy.

Our one problem stems from our different social circles. My partner has a massive social life, several different sets of friends, constantly busy and I've always accepted that. I'm the person she comes home to and even if it's an hour whilst she works before we sleep, I still love that.
I'm one of those people who just doesn't want friends, I haven't since school and I'm very happy on my own. When presented with a social situation I handle it just fine and I'm constantly told I'm funny and fun to be around, but I'm not going to admit I enjoy it because I don't. I get along with work colleagues, but have no attachment outside of them being a colleague. My partners family and friends are the most important thing to her and I respect that, but I don't expect to have to attend every single event or pop in every time we pass.

Yesterday we were in the car driving home, I had a sore throat and felt like flu was coming on (which it was). I was asked to pop in for a minute into partner's parents whilst she collected an umbrella. I said no as my throat was sore and I was tired. Instead of it just being a case of ok then, I'll be right back it's resulted in us not speaking all night as I'm apparently rude for not wanting to go in.

This is a constant argument between us, my reluctance to spend time with people and partner can't accept or understand that I like my own world, I love my family and love being with her, I just don't see why I should have to constantly make myself unhappy.

I'm not sure what advice I'm after to be honest, maybe I just want to write it down to see if I'm being unreasonable or not. I'm a bit bothered about me not wanting friends being used as a stick to beat me with when we argue. We won't break up, I just want her to bloody accept the fact I prefer my own company to that of friends.

Living proof that it is possible :) DH & I have been together for 21 years. We still argue more about social plans than anything else, but only in a manageable way. I think we have balanced each other out for the better. I now see the wisdom in not triple-booking social engagements & dashing about until I collapse, and he now appreciates that spending time with others can energise & enrich our relationship.

We also do some things separately: he recharges his batteries home alone while I go out partying. And then we're always pleased to see each other afterwards

You sound like you want to make it work OP, so as long as your partner feels the same, I'm sure you can do it.

Op I suggest you both taking the myers briggs test as it will help you both understand the other better. It's a lot more detailed than introverts versus extroverts , I'd also have a look at the love languages test too. I am very much like yourself and I would find this very trying. I would be concerned that your partner doesn't seem to understand or accept this about you. It's not hard to understand and while compromising is positive , it seems your partner wants to change you.

The thing is, she probably feels like she's compromising all the time, too.

Every time something like this happens, she feels the compromise at her end.

And so there you both are, compromising away, time and time again, and both feeling more and more resentful, annoyed and put out by it.

I totally agree with Cog, that this is a basic incompatibility, which may or may not be insurmountable.

I couldn't sustain a relationship with someone who opted out all the time. It's totally your right to opt out, but it's also her right to find it a really grating trait.