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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend's DP has just made a pass at me!

53 replies

SelectAUserName · 25/05/2014 00:38

Been round at close friend's house all evening for girly catch up. Had about 1.5 bottles of wine between us but over several hours so relaxed but not drunk. Time came to leave, rang for a cab but was going to be over an hour so friend's DP (who had been watching TV in other room so not drinking with us) offered to give me a lift home. Pulled up at my house, he leant over and I thought he was going to give me a peck on the cheek. Instead tried to kiss me properly and tried to feel my breast. I was so shocked I just pulled back and said "what are you DOING?" and he just sort of laughed and shrugged. I got out of the car and let myself into the house.

What the hell do I do? Do I tell my friend? If I tell my DH he'll go beserk with him, but DH is very unwell (in hospital again this weekend) and doesn't need the stress. I don't want to feel like I'm keeping friend's DP's dirty little secret but I don't want to hurt my friend either. They're not married but live together, been together 12 years and have two young kids together. (I know it's technically a minor sexual assault but I'm not going to report it for my friend's sake.) She is under massive pressure with a work restructure and a neighbour dispute and this would be the straw that broke the camel's back. Assuming she believed me and didn't think I'd led him on, which I honestly didn't - we were just chatting about inconsequential nonsense on the way home.

Stupid arse. Why couldn't he keep his hands to himself?

OP posts:
ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 25/05/2014 19:57

Is this guy jealous of the time you spend with your friend and he is being a git and sleeze to put you in an awkward position. I would tell your dh because it could come back from this guy as a totally different story if you know what i mean and make you look like you made the move to justify his behaviour.

Lweji · 25/05/2014 20:51

Yes, it is possible that he's trying to isolate her from you, not because of jealousy but because he's abusive.

It's not convenient for him that she has friends who may challenge her perception of him.

On one hand if you don't say anything you're letting her believe he's ok, if you tell her she may stick with him and cut with you. If she cuts her friends off, she will feel she has no one to turn to when things go horribly wrong.
Tough choice.

Montegomongoose · 25/05/2014 20:56

I wouldn't say anything just yet to your friend but I would call her DP and say 'what you did last night was assault. I am considering a formal complaint. Do you have anything to say?' And take it from there.

Make a note today of what exactly happened, where and when.

I hope you find some closure in this, what a horrible thing to happen.

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