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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He told me to "shut the f**k up"

76 replies

jackiejaxjackson · 24/05/2014 22:08

MNers please let me know your opinions on this.

Driving home from DSis birthday day out, DD age 2 in back. Had lovely day, lunch out, park, coffee n cake n pub. OH driving.

Approaches traffic light controlled roundabout, lights are green. He slows down as if to give way but no need to. Car behind slams on brakes n beeps at us as Im saying "bloody hell lights are green! Be careful OH you had a beer this afternoon". He barks at me "shut the f**k up".

Ive no idea what to make of that except im gobsmacked. Im refusing to speak to him until he apologises. He has gone to bed in silence. Why on earth would he speak to me like that?

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 25/05/2014 00:50

only on mumsnet huh

BetterTogether75 · 25/05/2014 01:02

I don't think anyone is proposing a swearing ban. DH and I rather enjoy using rude words such as 'fuck', 'cunt', 'Tory', etc. We just don't use them on each other. Sorry if that makes me 'precious' Hmm

Tinks42 · 25/05/2014 01:23

I think the point here is that the OP's husband was driving and he let rip a bit. The OP jumped out of her pram and got really uppy about it... He since went to bed due to not wanting to deal with a drama lama...

getthefeckouttahere · 25/05/2014 01:49

tell him yr pissed off, ask for an apology, ask him not to speak to you like that again, move on.

differentnameforthis · 25/05/2014 02:36

It is the fault of the car behind that he had to slam on his breaks...driving too close to you.

If your dh has been drinking, he shouldn't have been driving.

I think it is natural instinct to give way at a roundabout, light controlled ones are quite rare, imo. So I don't think he did anything particularly wrong. Unless he slammed on the breaks...

the car behind nearly slammed into him as he wasn't doing what was expected with the green light on. Then that car was too close. If you have to slam on your breaks, you are not leaving enough room before yourself & the car in front, regardless of what is a head of you!

differentnameforthis · 25/05/2014 02:44

Have just seen that his beer was a good few hours before he drove, so sorry for that comment.

But still, not really relevant is it? If it was several beers, an hour before you all got in the car then your comment was understandable. I don't' see why you needed t pull him up on it, to be fair

MistressDeeCee · 25/05/2014 05:25

Bet he wouldn't have spoken to a mate or work colleague like that.. and to go to bed without apologising, on purpose? Ignorant. Not to mention, in front of your child. Where's the respect?! I hope he does apologise, how would he like being told to shut the fuck up?

somedizzywhore1804 · 25/05/2014 05:39

Me and DH are very respectful to one another but in this situation I think I might have told you to stfu too. It's driving- nothing gives anyone the rage like road rage. Build a bridge and get over it.

hoboken · 25/05/2014 05:52

Part of "good" driving is giving space to the car in front. The driver behind you may have feared running into your car because he had driven too close . The shunt is the most common category of accident.

Your H may have thought the lights were about to change against him and so slowed down. (Such behaviour by a driver once almost certainly saved DD from serious injury when she pulled away from me and ran into the road).

Back seat driving is very annoying indeed.

He should not have spoken to you like that but refusing to speak to him is not the way to resolve anything.

I would say to him, 'I know I annoyed you but that is an offensive, abusive way to speak me. Are you not sorry for that? Please don't do it again.'

You may be a frequent backseat driver, he may have too short a fuse. Ask him not to do it again then try and get over it.

daisychain01 · 25/05/2014 06:00

Move on, move on.

Not the biggest deal in the world, my DP gets anxy at me in car parks when I go " oo look there's a parking space" tries to be helpful, fails miserably, pisses off DP big-time

So now I STFU, one happy DP Smile

unforgivable um, I dont think so!

FabULouse · 25/05/2014 06:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

differentnameforthis · 25/05/2014 10:15

Bet he wouldn't have spoken to a mate or work colleague like that.

Bet she wouldn't have told her mate or colleague how to drive either, or pointed out (completely irrelevantly) that they had a drink several hours ago.

6 of one, half a dozen of the other.

StealthPolarBear · 25/05/2014 10:21

first post on this thread blames the OP Shock

intheenddotcom · 25/05/2014 12:19

I would have told you to STFU - the driver behind is driving badly and blaming your DH (if the driver behind was driving well he would not had to slam on his brakes) then you start going on at him like he is blind and drunk!

clam · 25/05/2014 12:34

LTB. Then he won't have to put up with you stating the bleeding obvious when he's driving. Although, for what it's worth, he probably should apologise for swearing in that way, but I think you should apologise too, for interfering unnecessarily.
Oh, and if the driver behind had to slam on his brakes, then he was too close, so his own fault. And it's only sensible to slow down when approaching traffic lights, even if they're green - who knows if someone might step out to cross, or if a car from another direction pulls out?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/05/2014 13:14

So it's you that slows down for green lights clam.... Hmm Do you wear a flat cap and have difficulty seeing over the steering wheel?

clam · 25/05/2014 13:36

No, of course not, but neither do I put my foot down and accelerate through at speed like a wanker.

WildBill · 25/05/2014 15:14

What he said was far from nice but back seat driving is beyond irritating...........I suspect he was annoyed at you about something else and finally snapped?

sykadelic · 25/05/2014 17:03

I don't believe backseat driving is deserving of him being so disrespectful to you to say that, BUT, I have to admit backseat driving drives me bonkers and your lack of trust in his abilities is disrespectful.

He was driving cautiously, someone beeped at him for it and you said "bloody hell lights are green! Be careful OH you had a beer this afternoon" which translates to "You're such an embarrassment to me and I'm going to back up the person behind us rather than you because I have no respect for you or your abilities. While I'm at it, I might just accuse you of having too much to drink and putting our lives at risk".

Of course he could view it differently but you were totally OTT in your response to someone beeping.

I think you need to ask him what that was about though instead of waiting for him to apologise because he's probably annoyed at you and waiting for YOU to apologise to HIM.

Gripneededfast · 25/05/2014 17:09

It was rude, but then you also swore at him too.
How can you be sure you are below limit if you have 2 units alcohol before driving... Seems a bit close for comfort

Goodguy11 · 25/05/2014 17:16

Sounds like a nasty piece of work

BumWad · 25/05/2014 18:25

DH asked me where the fucking iron was today.

I replied where he fucking left it.

I was gonna start a thread about it and everything but thought nah

Original poster
jackiejaxjackson · 25/05/2014 21:31

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and comments.

I dont think im being precious about being spoken to with such lack of respect, but i realise now i neednt have said what i did. Was so out of character for him.

We talked about it this morning. He apologised. Said he was fed up of driving this week hadnt told me he'd done 4x125mile trips with work) but he did offer to drive (i do drive btw). Someone at work had joked about his driving and my mouthful reminded him of that. I got the mouthful /reaction his colleague should have got.

I made it very clear that he spoke to me like i was something on the bottom of his shoe and thats not acceptable or respectful, whether aimed at his colleagues or me.

And you are right...inow waiting gor DD to say it...!

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 25/05/2014 21:52

It's not "unforgivable", really is it? In that this on its own is not a LTB, no going back phrase, is it?

It was rude, probably uncalled for and should have been followed up with a swift apology, even if caveated with "I got a shock back there, sorry I took it out on you"

FamiliesShareGerms · 25/05/2014 21:53

Ah, x post, sorry! (Distracted by needy cats...!)