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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He told me to "shut the f**k up"

76 replies

jackiejaxjackson · 24/05/2014 22:08

MNers please let me know your opinions on this.

Driving home from DSis birthday day out, DD age 2 in back. Had lovely day, lunch out, park, coffee n cake n pub. OH driving.

Approaches traffic light controlled roundabout, lights are green. He slows down as if to give way but no need to. Car behind slams on brakes n beeps at us as Im saying "bloody hell lights are green! Be careful OH you had a beer this afternoon". He barks at me "shut the f**k up".

Ive no idea what to make of that except im gobsmacked. Im refusing to speak to him until he apologises. He has gone to bed in silence. Why on earth would he speak to me like that?

OP posts:
ManWithNoName · 24/05/2014 22:41

I think you should move on. It isn't a regular occurrence by the sound of things.

Montegomongoose · 24/05/2014 22:42

It drives me mad when DH flinches and grabs the dashboard and does sharp intakes of breath when I drive.

I wouldn't be very happy if he accused me of shit driving and implied I was dangerous because I'd had a pint.

Which is how your comment would have sounded to me.

Compounded by you sulking at him? I'd be off to bed as well.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/05/2014 22:43

Yes he should apologise but even the most level-headed person can lose their temper and drop an f-bomb from time to time.

pointythings · 24/05/2014 22:45

Rudy, yes, I really feel it is. Through all the ups and downs (and there have been some serious downs) my DH and I have had over the last 16 years, neither of us has ever, spoken to the other like that. Not once. It merits an apology.

OP needs to not back seat drive though.

RudyMentary · 24/05/2014 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 24/05/2014 22:56

Fair enough, Rudy - forgiveable with major grovelling then.

Tinks42 · 24/05/2014 23:00

Blimey, if I had to major grovel every time I said fuck off I'd never get of the damn floor Grin

claracustard · 24/05/2014 23:02

Forgiveable yes, but needs to apologise.

I know it's not same situation. But my ex would frequently tell me to STFU, drunk or sober, and I no longer reacted to it after a while which is very bad I think. I would react badly to somebody doing it more than once nowadays I think

BumWad · 24/05/2014 23:02

Wow.

Any grips available for the OP to hold on to? I think you're being a precious.

Move on

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 24/05/2014 23:03

If the driver behind him had to slam on his brakes then he was too close - your DH was not at fault. He got beeped at - shocking, annoying and not his fault. You shouldn't have commented really, and you shouldn't have brought up the beer if it was genuinely irrelevant - and if he was driving then it should have been irrelevant. He was rude but the situation was really annoying for him and he snapped.

ThingsThatShine · 24/05/2014 23:05

I think your backseat driving was annoying and unwarranted so although he shouldn't have sworn at you I definitely don't think its unforgivable or that terrible. It's understandable IMO. Sorry!

beaglesaresweet · 24/05/2014 23:12

really Bum? you think it's fine to speak like this to your partner? it's agressive and shocking when you are not used to this and don't swear yourself. I wouldn't want to be with a man who is agressive with me.

'Shut up' is possibly just ok - if I was being really annoying , but just because you are fine with swearing, not everyone is. It's good to be 'precious' - I call it sensitive and civilised, with people you love. It's also not fine to show the agression in front of a child. There are other ways to say that you are annoyed.

Kewcumber · 24/05/2014 23:16

Why on earth did you say "Be careful OH you had a beer this afternoon" when you say he had a pint of beer 7 hours before?! Confused Thats just a bizarre comment!

He swore at you because he was irritated as others have said.

Do you drive OP? Because nothing more irritating than someone who doesn;t drive commenting on the driving of those who are.

UNless there is way more to this than meets the eye, I can;t beleive the two of you are giving each other the silent treatment over this!

Kewcumber · 24/05/2014 23:18

I don;t swear and I never say "fuck" in front of DS (in fact rarely in any circumstances) - but its really not something worth carrying an argument over into the following day unless it starts becoming a habit.

Tinks42 · 24/05/2014 23:21

I think he's gone to bed to dodge a bullet here. Wise man.

ThisIsMyRealName · 24/05/2014 23:22

I agree with Cogito on this one. Someone criticising my driving makes me irrationally angry...even worse if i Know they are right! Blush
And to be honest it does sound like you were a bit patronising. I think you should apologise to each other

BumWad · 24/05/2014 23:22

No I don't think it's fine. But I also think OP is making a right hooha out of it.

However I wouldn't be moaning about it for hours on end. I would let my partner know that it was put of order, that I don't expect to be spoken to like that then move on and drop it. Sometimes we say things we don't mean. I'm sure OPs partner did not mean any harm by it.

If it was me and DH - I probably would have responded with a fuck off yourself... Which would then have got us both in hysterics.

Of course it is an open forum but sometimes I find some of the subject posts absolutely incredible. Just like this one.

arsenaltilidie · 24/05/2014 23:26

"Bloody hell
Lights are green
Be carefull Arsenal You had a beer this afternoon (7hours ago)"

Yeah, I'd have told you to stfu too.

Most backseat drivers don't know it's annoying.

BlueJean · 24/05/2014 23:26

I cannot stand non drivers telling me -the driver- what to do and when.

I dont swear much so wouldnt react as your DH did but you would definitely know I was not pleased by your remarks.

Could there possibly have been another reason why he slowed down and didnt continue just because the lights were green?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/05/2014 23:27

I wonder how long it'll be before the 2yo repeats it? :) I'm reminded of a friend's little DD who dobbed Daddy right in it by calling a passing motorist a 'fucking arsehole' when Mummy was driving...

careeristbitchnigel · 24/05/2014 23:27

Mountain
Molehill

ChickenMe · 25/05/2014 00:20

Seriously? Maybe I live in a different universe to everyone else but I don't think this merits a thread. You pissed him off by pointing out an error with his driving. My OH does that and it makes me rabid. Id have told you to shut up too. That kind of situation makes you lose your temper esp if s/o beeps. My OH goes into panic mode if I stall and it always causes an argument. It's a normal reaction. Out of order but normal.

BetterTogether75 · 25/05/2014 00:22

The first is far away
The second is small

STFU is not something I would say to DH, nor he to me.

HTH.

Tinks42 · 25/05/2014 00:46

Im laughing here at the "precious" ones... please don't swear at me or with me or at anyone else for that matter.... unbelievable!

calmet · 25/05/2014 00:49

He was totally wrong to speak to you like that.

Yes back seat driving is incredibly annoying. I have been snappy with my DP about this. But I would never say this to DP.

I hope your DP apologised to you.