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Original poster

Dumped by text 5 days after meeting his kids...

31 replies

Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 11:29

Ok, I'm new here, please be kind, I've stalked for a long while but don't hold it against me.

I'm floored today, BF dumped me by text last night. By f&@king text. He's 45 for gods sake!

He was perfect, obviously too good to be true, introduced me to his kids last Saturday, promised me everything, holiday booked in August, wanted more children etc etc. then last night he's "not ready for a relationship".

For once I am certain this time it's not me. Totally baffled, confused, angry, fed up, gutted.

He's cited being emotionally and physically exhausted, I can relate and understand that, I'm here to support him after all if he'd have let me.

I can understand a 'blip' or cold feet but to be so final when he's just brought the children over after I'd told him how much that meant to me. After all it's just not fair on them.

Sorry for the rant but needed to get it out x

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 23/05/2014 11:33

How long have you been together?
I think introducing you to the kids was the thing that's done it.
It's all too real then, a real relationship. That means committment.
He's more than happy with the single life and doesn't want to be tied to anyone.
Ignore any other texts. Block him from your phone, email and facebook and get on with your life.
He's not the one for you and he's a coward in the way he's done this.
He's not worth the brain space from now on.

Iflyaway · 23/05/2014 11:35

So sorry for you, that, s a really shitty thing to do.

Maybe his kids saw you as an "interloper"?

Maybe you can comfort yourself with the thought that he is emotionally immature and therefore not a good long term relationship material.

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 11:37

Thanks for the reply.
Only three months, been a whirlwind.
I agree with you totally, cowardly. All his instigation for meeting children, holidays etc which is the strange thing. Going from my gorgeous girlfriend to a piece of crap in one day!
Last one was a narcissist - I think this one is a fantasist!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 11:41

Hi Iflyaway, I do think the kids have done it, an opinionated 16 yo girl (however, I liked her sparkiness and told him that) and a sweet 8 yo boy. How confused must he be!
He's going through a divorce and yes, I am probably a rebound, but still no excuse for the introduction to his kids.

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin73 · 23/05/2014 11:46

Its sad, noone likes being dunped, but maybe introducing you to his kids was like a cold bucketof water on him. My bet is he has realised its too soon and he needs to focus on kids.

I dont think he is necessarily emootionally immanture to be be honest, he probably really liked you but realised he cant handle the emotions of new woman plus kids + divorce

as sad as you feel, I think its about him not you as a person

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 11:54

Thanks from. I agree and I think it's all got too much for him. Just so cold the way he's done it. Thank you for the affirmation it's not me, I'm convinced of that, despite analysing every little thing I've said or done Wink

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 23/05/2014 11:55

Sorry for your shock OP.

I agree that the kids were involved somehow & the reason is not personal. Perhaps he can't deal with everything at once or perhaps the kids found it difficult to meet you while the divorce is still ongoing. Perhaps he's a good man & is prioritising his children in a difficult time for them. Could be many things.

Chalk him down to experience, don't take it personally & move on Brew

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2014 11:59

I'm not making excuses for him but there is a type of person who turns relationships into a project. They're so anxious to demonstrate to themselves that they can be a success at relationships that they have it all mapped out, saying and doing the right things, keeping up a cracking pace - not because they genuinely feel something but almost to convince themselves that this is the Real McCoy and that they can be a success at relationships after all. For someone just three months down the track to already be proposing holidays and meeting their children etc it has more than a whiff of panic about it.

I'm sorry he's been so cruel but I think you've had a lucky escape.

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 12:01

Thanks onetiredmummy glad he is prioritising his kids, I always insisted they came first.
I will move on, licking my wounds at the mo! Got to have the awful "return of stuff" at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 12:02

Strangely though he didn't once mention supporting his kids, just he need time for himself!

OP posts:
Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 12:05

Thanks cogito yes I did have a sense of that! but being stupid thought " oh maybe he's just perfect"
Not just proposing holidays, we've booked and paid for it! Anyone fancy a trip in August haha!!!

OP posts:
Igggi · 23/05/2014 13:04

Any chance his wife is involved somehow? Sorry you are going through this. Make sure you don't suffer financial loss due to the holiday, he should offer to take it on since he is the one making the decision (IMO)

AnyFucker · 23/05/2014 13:08

Dodg bullet there, op

AnyFucker · 23/05/2014 13:09

Dodged a bullet

hellsbellsmelons · 23/05/2014 13:10

Who booked the holiday and who paid for it?
Could you change the name to a friend and have a nice girlie holiday?
Would be something to look forward to.

Lilaclily · 23/05/2014 13:17

:(
I wonder if the 16 year old said she wasn't keen on the relationship

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 13:36

igggi No idea if wife involved, a small part of me suspects he was using me to make her jealous....

anyfucker I love that username- seems to be the consensus ;)

hellsbells luckily the flights are the only thing booked and paid for - shared cost. We were staying in my parents apt so I will still be going - been before on my own and it's great. Still have his flight, tempted to do a name and date change and get a cheeky week before August! Really should offer that option to him but not feeling generous today, maybe once died down.

lilaclily have thought that too. She is a game player and very shrewd, she was telling her mum, before even meeting me, that I was going shopping with her for her prom dress!!! And calling me step mother....

OP posts:
iK8 · 23/05/2014 13:44

Lucky escape.

Floggingmolly · 23/05/2014 13:45

Don't offer him a free holiday!

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 14:03

flogging No chance he'd be going to parents, I should give him his flight to do with what he wants, my bitter side just thinks sod him and use it myself!

iK8 yep I'm coming round to that way of thinking after the messages on here! So helpful!

OP posts:
Jan45 · 23/05/2014 14:08

45 years on the planet and he ends it with a text, seriously, what a weak, weak man.

Lucky escape indeed, that's just nasty.

AnyFucker · 23/05/2014 14:57

I'll come with you on holiday ! < starts packing bag>

superstarheartbreaker · 23/05/2014 15:49

Sounds very like my ex. Text dumped after a whirlwind romance. These men are emotionally shallow op. Like the others say... Bullet dodged!

Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 19:35

Thank you for your messages, I'm currently watching The Notebook with a bottle of wine. Probably a huge mistake!

OP posts:
Original poster
Smiler1972 · 23/05/2014 19:35

anyfucker I might take you up on it!

OP posts: