Am I right to feel so so angry about this?

[nomorequotes]

He thinks I am being over the top and should 'stop insulting him'

we have always had a dreadful sex life, really bad to be honest and I've just tried to move on and work with him to make it better.

Last night he went down on me and was really rough, it was really uncomfortable and then he tried to jam as many of his fingers as he could into me so I pushed him off and he had really quick sex with me despite knowing I wasn't enjoying it (I was quite shocked and sore to be honest) and then afterwards he said 'you didn't enjoy that' and I said that I didn't like what he did and missed it being sensual and treated sensitively and that was always my preferred way of getting ready for sex. He went mental, ran into the bathroom and then said he was going downstairs, I was sat up on the bed and obviously quite distressed and he just didn't care. I managed to engage him in conversation and he said that is always what he has done (but I am sure it isn't) and that usual I am fine with it and I asked him if he usually tried to jam as many fingers as he could into me and he said 'yeah' but I KNOW that isn't true and I don't want to be that for him :(

I am not some pseudo-porn girl and I don't want to feel like I can't trust him in bed.

This is the end of a long long line of situations where he has been 'clumsy' and hurt me and I can't say anything because he just reacts like a teenager and we have an awful sex life.

I think this is the end of my marriage, I just can't trust him anymore

You are not making a mistake. Stay strong.

What would you tell your daughter if a man did this to her?

Stay strong.

thanks. I know... Its just that he is so heartbroken and the kids are going to be so confused. He just needs to go for a few days and stay at his new place and then we can start getting things back to normal. He is used to seeing them every day and that isn't going to happen anymore.

gah its just crap for everyone. Plus I took my wedding ring off and I think one of the boys has lost it

I found the ring. I don't think I will ever have a ring as beautiful and I can't wear it again.

Oh my head is just so confused. I've come up to bed because I don't feel I can/should sit downstairs with him. I need to get out and see my friends I think

If a poster describes sex with her long term partner as rubbish unfeeling and uncaring to me that says there's something seriously wrong. He doesn't accept criticism and rubbishes your viewpoint. Then when you declare enough is enough, behold the transformation.

Telling you that you wouldn't be able to cope and suggesting you'd suffer financially was one tactic. The next was always going to be moping around woebegone and sorry for himself or as you put it depressed and bummed out. So think very carefully.

I think he needs to go asap so I can have some headspace. I think that is the real answer here

You can wear the ring again.

Have it resized and wear it on a different finger? My mum had a tiny birthstone added and so it became a birthstone ring, not a wedding ring.

its quite a difficult ring to resize but hopefully I will lose some weight and be able to put it on a different finger.

he hasn't taken his ring off yet, poor bloke.

Don't poor bloke him! What an arse he is! He has to all intents and purposes assaulted you and has no concept of how this impacts on you. He sounds very selfish.

I spent eight years in a relationship with terrible sex and yes there were other very big problems, but his lack of consideration and communication in bed right from the start should have warned me. Instead I stayed and wasted all that time. Don't get into that trap.

My mother also trotted out the same bullshit as yours about not finding someone better and actually took his side. You know it's rubbish. You're only 30 - do you want this to be your life for the next 30 years? With someone who doesn't appreciate you and what your needs are? It might be all harmonious on the surface outside of the bedroom but underneath this type of behaviour simmers and turns things rotten.

You sound very together and organised and you will get through this. Good luck.

Op: he is not a poor bloke.

Stay strong.

Tell your Mum that he hurts you when you have sex, she may be thinking that he's got an ed problem.

xx

I have told her about it (ish) and she came round to saying that she wished he was the one who made me happy and I agree with her. I wish that too but it is not the case unfortunately.

I have just cleared all of his things out of the drawers and I am just going round the house trying to get him moved out. He hasn't made any effort to do so.