Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you have a lot of friends? What is normal?

47 replies

Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 20:54

Hi,

I've moved around alot over the years, and although I've stayed in touch with old friends from school and were I used to live, I don't really have a lot of local friends, I probably have 5 or 6 close friends only a few of them are local as I have only lived here 3 years, though i know alot more people than that, that I chat to and go out with friends of friends . I don't really click with the school mums, I chat away with them no problem but they haven't really become friends as such. I work for myself so I don't really meet friends through work, they are just clients really. Before I uprooted I had so many friends but found it hard to make new ones. My bf has lived in the same place the whole of his life, when he goes out there are about 15 or 20 of them, this for some reason is making me feel well I'm not sure what the word is, insecure? Jealous even not sure strange emotion really.

Just wondering what the norm is, and how you met your friends? Thanks

OP posts:
Hesaysshewaffles · 22/05/2014 21:04

I was kind of seeing someone who, like your bf, had loads of mates, it made me feel embarrassed and insecure about mine.

I 'know' many people but with regards to friends, as in people I regularly see maybe 6? I have two closer friends but they are not the type of friends that would be there at the drop of the hat - and I know that from something that happened previously.

I'll watch this thread with interest as I'd love a really great best friend someone to share secrets and who is there for me too - I sound so sad Hmm

Jellybellymummyofsix · 22/05/2014 21:08

i have my best friend of over 20 years. No other friends. No one to meet up with etc. I am embarrassed that I have no friends. It was my 40th last year & didn't do anything for it as i had no one to invite!

nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:08

If you can count your friends on one hand, you're a very lucky person. You don't need many, just those who count.

nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:09

Maybe time to state where we're from and msg to meet up. Or organise a mn meetup?

pinkladybirdpurse · 22/05/2014 21:11

I have 3 very good "best" friends. I can tell them anything and everything. Nowadays I don't have many acquaintances through work etc because I haven't worked since I had my DD almost 3 years ago. I also lost some friends after my DD's birth (nothing too dramatic, just in terms of not having anything in common with them anymore/different priorities).

Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I "should" have more friends to fit in with our facebook culture etc but I'm happy with my friends, and have never had a massive circle of mates, rather a small handful of people who I trust.

RollerCola · 22/05/2014 21:14

I'd say I have two very close friends, who I know would drop everything if I needed them and vice versa.

I've then got about another seven or eight that I get on very well with and could ask out for a drink etc. They're from all different areas of my life though, a few from work, some from school and a couple of mum friends.

Bumblebee85 · 22/05/2014 21:18

I don't know what's normal, but I am happy with my 2 'best friends', 4-5 really close friends plus my work colleagues who I get on really well with, but wouldn't generally socialise with out of work, unless a specific work night out etc. my 2 best friends are fabulous ladies I've met post school (one at uni and one a couple of years later at work) and my best friends at school now fall into the really close friends category. I'm really close with my family and OHs family also so I feel like I've got plenty of close people around me and don't need any more! Gets more complicated the more friends you have IMO!

Original poster
Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 21:19

Oh wow, it's not just me then, I actually lost 2 friends this year, one died fairly recently which I was really upset about, another who wasn't a friend for very long fell out with me because I became friendly with someone she didn't like it was all very playground like but it really upset me! Well my friends live all over the place so I'd be happy to befriend any of you, jelly belly not too late to celebrate your 40 the you know! I think my bf thinks it's normal to have as many friends as he has, I don't suppose it's abnormal just I've never known it before, previous partners have had a few friends and that's it. They all have trips away too, I have no one to do that with, I don't think he understands that!

OP posts:
nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:22

OK here goes, I'm in Surrey

Original poster
Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 21:24

I'm in bedfordshire, used to live in Surrey nespressofan !

OP posts:
Nasturtium89 · 22/05/2014 21:25

Aw I cried about this today! Haha. Yeah. I have no-one I can call up and hang out with, and no-one local. I can never get past acquaintance stage! My best friends are mum mum and husband really :-/ how sad!

nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:26

Shame thatslife!!!!! You don't know what you're missing any more (not!)!

Original poster
Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 21:28

Ah bless nasturtium I know it's hard isn't it, I've moved around so much I'm fed up of having to start again pffffttttt

OP posts:
Nasturtium89 · 22/05/2014 21:28

I'm in SE London. I think it's extra hard to make friends in London, or any city, everyone is so busy and anonymous. In smaller communities it's easier to know who is who.

Bonsoir · 22/05/2014 21:32

When I met my DP I thought he had loads of friends and I didn't have as many. I have since come to understand that I make new friends all the time whereas his friends are those he made at school and in early adulthood. Since he still lives in the same city he hasn't renewed.

Original poster
Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 21:33

Oh that's true, I found it so hard in Surrey just outside of London, even the neighbours used to avoid me lol.....I'm not saying that happens everywhere in southern counties btw it doesn't but it didn't make me feel too good

OP posts:
nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:35

Been in Surrey 20 years - made a few friends. They've disappeared since dh and I separated. Social bloody climbers the lot of them!

Wineandchoccy · 22/05/2014 21:35

I have lost touch with my friends due to an idiot boyfriend Sad

I'm like nasturtium DH and my mum are my best friends.

I'm in Lancashire but travel a lot with work.

nespressofan · 22/05/2014 21:35

And I'm a Londoner!

Original poster
Thatslife72 · 22/05/2014 21:36

Exactly the same bonsoir it's because my dp has lived in the same area all his life, all his old school mates are there then they have friends, etc etc, but it's hard for someone like that to understand why you have so few.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2014 21:37

I've got about 8-10 close friends. Some close than others. 1 very close friend.

Rest are all acquaintances.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/05/2014 21:38

Oh in SE London too but from area and though moved around have moved back to area near where I was brought up.

ChickOnaMission · 22/05/2014 21:40

I've got 1 best friend I've knows for about 15 years. But she lives about 3 hrs drive from me and we see each other 3-4 times a year..... Speak once a week ish.... I never kept in touch with people from school but I've moved around alot, now I'm older, and recently separerated, I wish I had more friends, people I could just call up and say lets have coffee, a drink... I'm trying to develop that, but it's SO much harder to make friends as an adult! I'm reasonably friendly with Mums from school but it's different, I don't want to share personal things with them. It would be nice to have a proper local best mate to share all the stuff I share on MN with!

AmeliaToppingLovesShopping · 22/05/2014 21:48

I have one 'best' friend and another I see occasionally but that's it really. I sometimes go to the park after school with a couple of other mums and their DC but I don't see them apart from that. I get on well with the women I volunteer with and from my college courses but don't see them at other times either.

I'm just not good at starting friendships or keeping them up. I'm only friends with the best friend because she made all of the effort when we met 20 years ago!

I'm in Devon so a bit out of the way!

AmeliaToppingLovesShopping · 22/05/2014 21:50

I haven't even got the excuse of moving around, DD1 goes to the same secondary school I went to Blush