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Original poster

Dumped boyfriend for TMI reason - do I tell him why?

66 replies

Corygal · 22/05/2014 19:54

As aided by glorious MNetters about a year ago, I acquired a hot 29 yr old gentleman friend. (me = 46). So far so exciting.

But, in a, er, nutshell, he was not only the worst person in bed I have ever experienced, but couldn't keep it up either. Imagine long evenings spent miserably tending to a limp value sausage, then after two hours of me getting cold, untouched and bored, he'd say if I tried to move 'But I haven't finished yet'.

We - I - tried to talk to him and reassure him about it, with the result that he thinks he's fantastic in bed.

So I split with him, citing being too busy to have a relationship. He's now trying to get me back. Do I tell him the truth - no way, ever?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/05/2014 21:19

Oh please

tell the whipped puppy to fuck right off

you are not seriously going to stay with this Manchild are you ?

Original poster
Corygal · 22/05/2014 21:26

No I am not going to take him back, ever. I am getting fed up with the scalded puppy looks as it is - trying to guilt me into rekindling a romance by whimpering about a damaged knee (which strangely the doc says is healthy) is beyond not working.

OP posts:
IWillIfHeWill · 22/05/2014 21:26

Don't go back but don't bother telling him why.

IWillIfHeWill · 22/05/2014 21:27

And incidentally, your description of his person and his efforts made my skin crawl.
Really, don't have him back.

AnyFucker · 22/05/2014 21:27

Do you live together ?

Original poster
Corygal · 22/05/2014 21:30

AF - certainly not. He was always trying to come and 'stay' but I didn't agree.

He was always refusing to pay for anything - once, when he said he'd cook me lunch to make up for not having bought me a birthday card, he texted me to say 'Meet you in Sainsbury's OR Tesco so you can pay for the ingredients'.

I had the best laugh of the whole relationship at Sainsbury's OR Tesco.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/05/2014 21:33

It's just the way you described how he keeps whining every time you walk past him

Don't ever "walk past him" again

handfulofcottonbuds · 22/05/2014 21:34

Itsfab - my post was written before OP gave more details, I was trying to be kind and spare any kind of grief as pictish pointed out later on or any upset to a young bloke who is sexually inept.

I have changed my mind now having read more from OP and freckel, your post made me feel sick. He sounds like a horrible man and I'm glad you're well rid!

pictish · 22/05/2014 21:39

Ach...I'd just tell him to sling his hook and never bother you again. Cba.

TheFillyjonk · 22/05/2014 21:51

Have you made it crystal clear to him that you (to quote the great philosopher Taylor Swift Wink) are never, ever getting back together?

He sounds truly hideous. At first I felt bad for him as I've been with somebody with ED, but he was amazing in bed and totally concerned with my fulfilment and enjoyment instead of his. Your ex might as well have bought a blow-up doll for all the attention and pleasure he gave you. You've given enough to this man. He's shown himself to be selfish, manipulative, childish and quite pathetic.

I think you have a plethora of reasons as to why you broke up with him, rather than just the frankly rubbish and unsatisfying sex. If you asks, you should bring up how detached and selfish he was in bed. That is not okay. That should not carry on into his next relationship. Even if he has ED and he's embarrassed and needs an ego boost, he needs to offer pleasure and satisfaction to his partner. Or equally get a blow-up doll!

TheFillyjonk · 22/05/2014 21:53

If he* asks

4littleones · 22/05/2014 21:54

I think you need to say something so that he knows this isn't acceptable for future relationships. But not in a nasty way as like others say it may scar him for life.

I think you need to say enough for him to know that sex is the issue but not say he is totally shit.

SanityClause · 22/05/2014 21:58

Inspired by TheFilly's post, you should sing that Taylor Swift song when you walk past him, at the very least, to drown out the sound of the moaning.

Original poster
Corygal · 22/05/2014 21:58

You're all so right. How do you think I should word it?

I need to make it, as filly says, Taylor Swift clear, yet not leave him in shreds. And also make absolooootly sure he stops bothering me.

OP posts:
TheFillyjonk · 22/05/2014 22:24

Taylor will be pleased...

Could you say some things along the line of how it's come to a "natural end", and that you don't feel you two are compatible? That might not feel so much of a character assassination...

I think you could say that although you made every effort to satisfy him, you didn't feel that he gave the same respect and effort to you. It sounds like this reason rings true outside of the bedroom too.

I understand that you don't want to rip him to shreds, and I'd be feeling the same too. Is your self-esteem quite low? I ask because mine is, and I'm always looking to please people. However, most of us on here have said that he sounds horrible and really very selfish. A few home truths (although thoughtfully put) may be good for him.

CocktailQueen · 22/05/2014 22:29

Omg. What was he like outside the bedroom?

It must be v tempting to give it to him with both barrels but I don't know if I could.

Sounds like a selfish, lazy, delusional twat. Sorry.

MrWalletwithMothsonboard · 22/05/2014 22:41

Urgh...the thought of that flabby pale flaccid sausage being rubbed against your leg is heavesome. You are a saint to have put up with it.
{{{shuddering}}}.

Appletini · 22/05/2014 22:45

Impotence may not be his fault but he is to blame for being a selfish git.

I don't think it's your problem though. Just tell him it's over and move on.

hellymelly · 22/05/2014 22:54

He sounds ghastly, self centred with a huge ego. I would tell him the truth!

Kormachameleon · 22/05/2014 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rissolesfortea · 22/05/2014 23:26

I like what Korma said Wink.

Tinks42 · 22/05/2014 23:38

Im also liking what Korma has said.

IAmNotAMindReader · 23/05/2014 00:07

If you can't be that brutal try:
We just aren't compatible. I want someone who will consider my needs, not just make it all about them. Please do not contact me again.

tigermoll · 23/05/2014 00:08

I know it's tempting, but do not ever, ever, ever EVER fake it.

(disclaimer: he is a tool, and you should tell him firmly but not cruelly why it's over)

BUT if one partner is faking orgasm, then the other person is BOUND to think that the sex is good - you have gone out of your way to persuade them that it is! You're thinking 'that was awful. I had to pretend to come to get it over with' and all the time he's thinking 'wow. She seems to really like it when I frott her thigh. Jackpot'. You can't complain about his misconceptions - you deliberately misled him!

And now he'll go onto his next partner with the idea that his pathetic efforts are what get women off.

getthefeckouttahere · 23/05/2014 00:15

its done, leave it as it is. Get on with yr life, jesus we've all had bad sex and factored that into our reasons to move on, is it really necessary to precisely detail to that person the reasons why? Nope its totally unnecessary and a tiny bit vindictive.

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