Someone please please help me.

[Imsuchamess]

I have scizoaffective disorder diagnosed by my second psychiatrist and the psychiatrists at a psychiatric unit. I was stable on olanzapine but gained too much weight. So I was switched to aripiprazole.

Shortly after I was switched I attempted suicide as My psychiatrist was on holiday My case was passed over to a new doctor. The new doctor ignored that I was perfectly stable on olanzapine for a while and keeps saying that he thinks I have bpd as the meds are not working but he is unwilling to accept I was stable on my last medication and said if the meds are not working I must of been wrongly diagnosed so he is taking me off my medication.

I've seen many doctors up crisis who have tried to switch my meds but as soon as he gets wind of it he puts a stop to it and tells me off saying I'm going around him.

Well I've been believing I'm the angel of darkness and that I need to sleep with abusive men. So they get punished by God. Today a Sado masochist broke up with me. I'm finding it hard now I know I'm crazy but now I have to find someone else abusive.

I've also turned to drugs and the voices are urging me to go on harder drugs. I'm so alone I just want to die. I cannot take this pain no more. I have had enough. I don't like the voices they are so loud and no one will make them stop!

I don't want to be this way anymore.

It's painful now I can't do what the voices tell me too. I just want to be abused to shut them up!
I'm so scared I don't want to lose my medications. While they are not stopping my psychosis fully they do calm it down.

This has taken everything from me I hate hate hate it. It's like a cancer eating away at me and the only way to be rid of it is if I die. I told all this to my psychiatrist yesterday and he sent me home saying he was gonna stop my meds he is not offering therapy or any alternative. He is seeing me in three months when he will stop my meds.

There is no where left for me to hide and I am being forced down the road of drug addict and I won't be like my father.

I also asked for my cpn back as I was discharged when I was well on the olanzapine but he said no.

I've also asked for nurses to be present at some of our meetings as I am scared of him and his behaviour the way he talks to me is completely different when someone else is present.

My family want to make a formal complaint but I just don't feel strong enough.

If you believe you are a danger to either yourself or others, please go to your local A&E and ask for emergency help.

Your Psychiatrist sounds like a dick. Some of them are.

However, you sound like you are quite unwell at the moment. If you can go to A & E, that would probably be for the best.

In the longer term, I would also look into finding a specialist mental health solicitor. Legal aid is available for mental health issues, if you qualify financially. I have worked for a mental health solicitor, and know that they helped some people to resolve problems with their medication. They could also help and support you in making a complaint.

posting for handholding-someone with better advice will be along shortly-hang on in there.do you have kids with you?

I have three dc but only one is with me as the other two are in school. So I can't kill myself right now.

If I go to A and E they will suggest switching my meds like before and then my psychiatrist will say no. They will not admit me. I need a new psychiatrist but I don't know how to get one.

I think that you should still go to A & E.

Could you call Mind and see if they have any advice? I know they have advocates and other services.

I'll give mind a call now.

If you are threatening to commit suicide and they think you are in real danger then they will have to admit you. Have you spoken to anyone in Mind, the mental health charity. This is a very complex case and most of us are not doctors or psychiatrists so it's hard for us to give any useful advice. It might be a good idea to try and see if you have a relative who can perhaps look after your kids for a while whilst you are feeling so unwell as it must be very distressing for them. I a not being patronising in any way but perhaps you thought you were stable on olanzapine but perhaps those on the outside could see that you were not experiencing the sort of stability that should have been gained on that medication. I do believe that people often get wrongly diagnosed, especially with mental illness and there are often two or three disorders present at the same time. I do urge you to call Mind or the Samaritans. Please please try and fight the voices that are pushing you onto drugs as these voices are wrong and will only lead to endless pain and suffering.

Glad to hear you're calling Mind - I hope they give you some really good support and advice x
Your DC love and need you so much, as well as so many others of your family and friends

I have called mind they told me how to switch doctors. I'm going to do that tomorrow. They also gave me a support number for hearing voices.

Heyday my family also agree I was stable on the olanzapine as did my previous psychiatrist and cpn.

My current psychiatrist also keeps saying I've been on seroquel when I have never taken seroquel. He doesn't remember what medication I'm on.

He shouted at me after a failed suicide attempt.

Threatened to discharged me if I stopped my meds. Said then I can cry to the gp as much as I like.

Shouted at me for having male friends.

Oh and a friend is coming to take care of my daughter.

That is excellent news. I hope it goes well, it if there are any issues you can get the correct support.

Sorry, I didn't see the later posts.

If you can, when you are feeling a bit better, make notes of all the issues you've had with your Psychiatrist, and then you can make that complaint.

Nothing helpful to add, but just wanted you to know there are people reading your posts.

Keep posting on here.

Hello OP

Also posting so you know that people are reading your posts.

Your psychiatrist sounds awful and you're doing the right thing in changing to a new one.

Please, please hang in there. X

Thanks all my friend is with me now. So he is going to look after my daughter.

I'm so glad your friend is with you now and can support you in looking after dd, as well as just being with you.
Also pleased to hear you are changing psychiatrist. It's hard for us to know the in's and out's about the medication, but surely he should never shout at you. I can't see that helping anyone. Very worrying really that he would do that.
It doesn't sound like a healthy, supportive, professional relationship to me.
Pleased that Mind have told you how you can change things.

Please please make sure.you change doctors and psychiatrists, several times if necessary.

My mum suffered from schizophrenia in the 1980s and was in and out of hospital for 15 years. She was very unhappy with her treatment and her psychiatrist and eventually managed to find a good one who listened to her. She has been symptom free and hospital free for over 20 years now. She is 64.

Please don't give up. You deserve to get better. Your children deserve you to get better.

Thanks both.
Fairylea your post gives hope to someone who had none and strength to keep fighting. It's good to know some people recover and that I can too.

Keep going OP
One day at a time?
You are much loved and needed by many x

The Guy into Sado masachism just phoned me up.

He phoned me knowing I was badly sexually abused as a child and can't watch anything that involves child abuse to trigger me. He said all sorts of things about abused children sick things. He also told me I should listen to the voices and just do speed as he doesn't give a shit.

Now I'm feeling pretty bad again. Why can't I just ignore his calls. He abuses me yet I let him. This was low even for him I will never again get the thoughts he put in my mind out.

I'm sorry to hear that OP - just putting the phone down on him sounds like it would be good?
You really don't need people like him in your life. But I guess you know that?