Inlaws blamed me for dh walking out when i asked him his income. I'm a SAHM with no income. I don't want to see them anymore.

[Justeat]

DH returned after 4 days, of his own will.
Inlaws told me it was my fault he left!
No support from them, even though dd devastated.
I am ok with dc's seeing them, cos they are part of their family.
Have seen SIL, who wouldn't look me in the face.
WWYD?

Tell the DH to fuck off for one, probably.

Why did you have to ask his income? Why don't you already know it?
Forget the inlays, your DH is the issue.

inlaws

Honestly, having read your previous threads I would run as far away from all of them, including your h, as fast as I could.

Agree with dollius, forget the in laws, your husband is the problem.

I'd leave my husband for starters, that's the real problem here.......

Sorry just for your distress. You sound shocked and bewildered.

There are several issues here.

Your DH is being a knob. Probably not for the first time.

You have rightly tried to challenge him.

He has punished you for that by "leaving" to bring you back into line.

The ILs have taken his side and also punished you.
Ergo they are probably a family of knobs and he learned his behaviour from them. What is PILs marriage like?

Can you tell us more? Are you concerned about financial abuse? Is he usually a sulker when challenged?

Oh and have a

Qualifying as 'family' requires more than sharing a bit of DNA or a wedding ring... If they're going to blame you for everything, they are not your family, they are your enemy. Are you saying your husband is back in the family home now and that you're expected to carry on as normal with the in-laws? Or has he left and you feel obliged to facilitate the relationship between your DCs and his side of the family?

He walked out and didn't come back for four days because you asked what his income is??? That is not normal. That is very far from normal and not how supportive loving partners behave.

Why do you want to stay with him? Have you spent some time on the threads on here providing support for those in (emotionally) abusive relationships - financial control is a major red flag.

Your husband is a twat. I work full time and I know how much my DH earns. He wants to keep you in the dark. It's financial abuse.

Are your in-laws from some sort of weird, throwback, (religious?) subset of society that they don't think women have a right to be interested in family finances?

What I mean knowing what he earns doesn't mean I need his money. It's part of being a couple.

Oh FGS, I remember your other threads now. Please kick this loser to the kerb.

It doesn't matter whose name the house/mortgage/savings/fancy offshore tax avoidance funds are in. If you are married, they are assets of the marriage and you are entitled to at least half - probably a good deal more as you have small children.

If you divorce, he will be forced to show where all assets are. If he lies, a forensic accountant can be used to trace them all.

Just take control and start the divorce yourself - stop waiting around for him to make a move.

I remember your other posts. Forget about his family and sort out your relationship with him. You got lots of good advice about how to prepare for separation. AFAIR you have access to money / childcare / holidays etc but you want to know his actual income and what his bonus is so you can plan for things in the future?

Have you got legal advice in the meantime?

Your ILs are the least of your problems.

This happened in early April didn't it, OP? Or has he 'walked and come back' again? Have you re-read your postings from then, and the collective MN reply, to refresh your memory?

I remember you OP. So sorry you are going through this but I think you need to get this toxic man and toxic family out of your life. He's not going to change - ever.

I don't know the back story but am very shocked that he walked out because you asked his salary. I am effectively a SAHM but know my DH's salary as I organise the money as a lot of my friends do in similar situations.

Totally agree your ILs are the last thing you should be worrying about now.

Your inlaws are indeed the las thing you should be worrying about right now, but when you have hopefully solved the problem of becoming aware of what YOUR family finances are by getting rid of the twat and formalising getting access to your assets and maintenance payments sorted, you will reflect that before your DC are family to the inlaws they are family to YOU. And anyone who treats their mother the way they have done to you really doesn't need or deserve to be in any of your lives. They've hardly been stunning role models for your abusive failure of a H, have they?

When he came back, was it to apologise and then show you his bank statement?

Because if not, send him away again to grow up.

Has he told you his income yet?

Forget about his family and concentrate on your marriage.

Hi.
Not had a chance to read yet, will do asap.
Thanks all.
Not worried about inlaws, I don't need their help and nothing in common with them anyway!

DS asleep.
DH is back in the house.
I've been assigned a social worker to help me sort out my emotions and practicalities.
I don't want to separate, but may have to cos he's still hiding income!
I totally agree, in laws r the least of my problems and I certainly don't feel obliged to see them, who kicked when I was down, figuratively speaking.

I need him to help with kids cos I still have SPD.
Also, no legal reason to ban him from the house.

emotional abuse is a legal reason!?

Maybe I will end our marriage, I'm unsure.
That's why I've been assigned a social worker, to help me sort myself emotionally and financially.
I posted cos I wanted u all to tell me I'm right not to want to see them, which I am and just needed reinforcing.
Dh not putting pressure on me to see them.