Why does he stay?

[xx51xx]

Married 20+yrs, mostly volatile. I've always felt I couldn't leave because family would say 'told you so' (married in haste) & I hated the thought of shared custody.

Kids are doing exams in the next few yrs so don't want to leave and be the 'baddie'.

We spend very little time together, but any we do is instigated by me. Sometimes I like him sometimes I hate him ( am governed by hormones)
Sporadic sex - partly a control thing by me as he controls finances. Bad of ne, I know.
He's given up instigating sex now after years of rebuttal.

I know we'll probably split after kids in uni but why does he stay?

He says (when I ask) that he doesn't want to be with anyone else, yet I'm not particularly nice to him sometimes so not sure why he diesn't clear off?

I do all housework/kids arrangements, so naybe he's happy to live like this?

Last year he was going to go on holiday and didn't tell me until he'd booked it.

I absolutely flipped and told him if he went he would regret it. I didn't want him going away when I have no spare money to save for a similar treat. To my surprise he backed down without much resistance. I never expected that as once he gets an idea in his head, that's it, he doesn't budge.

Still not sure why he did that. Does he just not see how unfair he's being?

He always funds the family holiday, so perhaps just saw his own holiday as a little treat for himself?

If you asking for opinions why he acted like that about the holiday, I think he realised he pushed you too far and backtracked for his own sake to keep you serving him domestically

..and that was a successful strategy < shrug >

I am the world's worst wife though! My words, not his. He lived alone before we met so could cope, I'm sure.

I did say I wanted separate rooms recently and he was sad about that, even though we hardly ever have sex.

he was "sad" about separate rooms

so did you drop the idea ?

I doubt you are the world's worst wife, but this certainly sounds like a very miserable relationship

No, I am clearing the spare room (used as a junk room for years and needs emptying to get new bed in) so will be in very soon.

separate bedrooms, separate lives

that dream of your own little place doesn't seem so very far away

if you really wanted it

that holiday booking thing is one of the most selfish things i've ever heard of - how can he book a holiday in his family situation without discussing childcare etc - its massively disrespectful

is it possible he has implied from discussions about possibly seperating that you already are though still under the same roof?

i'd get out now and bear in mind that he may try and book that holiday with joint money as soon as its official, so make no major expenses or treats a condition of the seperation pending divorce