Abusive men like your H actively like outwardly bolshy women (but with perhaps also a shaky sense of self worth and self esteem) to take down with them into their pit of despair and self loathing. Such types also hate women, all of them. This is what your H has done and perhaps has done from the very early days of your own relationship.
Read the following as well:-
How might power and control tactics affect a woman as she parents her children?
woman believes she is an inadequate parent
?woman portrayed by abuser as unfit mother, cause of children's deficits
?fears having her children taken by SS
?is frustrated in attempts to create structure or be consistent
?children may have problems at school, in neighbourhood, fuelling her belief she is a bad parent
woman loses the respect of some or all children
?some children see her as legitimate target of abuse
?children disregard her parental authority, don't follow her rules
?children may grow to devalue or be ashamed of mother
woman believes twisted excuses abuser provides for his behaviour
?believes abuse is her fault so tries to modify her behaviour
?believes abuse is her fault so feels guilty about its effect on children
?believes abuse is linked to alcohol or stress
?believes abuse is culturally or religiously appropriate
believes men and boys should have more privileges and power in the family
woman changes her parenting style in response to abuser's parenting style
?is too permissive in response to authoritarian parenting of abuser
?is too authoritarian to try and keep children from annoying abuser
?makes age-inappropriate or unreasonable demands on children to placate abuser
?is afraid to use discipline because the children have been through so much
?left to do all the demanding parts of parenting while he engages in fun parts (that has certainly happened in your case)
woman's capacity to manage is thwarted or overwhelmed
?depression, anxiety, poor sleeping, etc. compromise her capacity to care for children and provide for their daily needs
?if denied use of birth control, too many children are born too close together
?may be denied sufficient money to meet children's basic needs for food, etc.
?reactive rather than pro-active parenting, responding to crisis not preventing problems
woman may use survival strategies with negative effects
?may use alcohol or drugs to excess
?may maltreat children, physically or verbally
?may leave them with inadequate caretakers to get a break
?may avoid being at home (e.g., working double shifts)
woman's bond to children is compromised
?children may be angry at mother for failing to protect them or evict abuser
?mother prevented by abuser from comforting distressed child
?one child assumes care-taking role for mother
?children anticipating a mother's deportation or leaving may become anxious or may emotionally disengage to protect themselves from impending loss
woman gets trapped in competition for children's loyalties
?abuser attempts to shape child's view of himself as good and mother as bad
?abuser is fun parent who has no rules
?after separation, abuser entices children to support his bid for custody with promises of great life at his house
?abuser has more money and can offer more material goods and nicer home