Can you see the traits of your PIL in your DH?

[LuluJakey1]

I love my PIl- they are great but I could not live with them. They would drive me mad.
Thing is, I can see watered down little traits and habits of theirs in my much loved DH. So I ask myself am I going to end up living with them actually?

For example:
They cut a two slice of bread sandwich into three. He will not cut a sandwich any other way. Cuts triangle off across bottom and then what is left into two almost triangles diagonally. Does not matter if fillings fall out. That is how sandwiches have to be cut.
Prefer dogs to cats. No rational reasons. All dogs are better than all cats. They have two dogs that are terrors- lovely but terrors.We have two well behaved very sweet cats who they pet but persist in their ' All dogs are better than all cats' attitude. DH secretly feels the same although he has grown very attached to the cats but when we are with PIL he reverts to the dogs are better than cats view- and can not look me in the eye when he does it.
They will only read books as proper paper books. There is a whole inverted snobbery thing about it. DH never off his ipad, reads all sorts on it but will not read books on the kindle app. Has to carry a paperback in jacket pocket which he then puts on hall table until there is a pile of them and they fall over. Their hall table is exactly the same. Their pile of books has now migrated to the bottom step. I can see stairs piled with books up either side like hoarders in years to come.

I could go on but I need to go shopping.
I have no inherited odd habits myself of course (Said as collecting shopping bag in which I always keep exactly 6 bags for life as my mum did).

What's that Oscar Wilde quote... 'All women become like their mothers. That's their tragedy. No man does. That's his'

Short lived hobbies is what I have to look forward to. FIL goes through phases of being obsessed with certain things. Fishing, Crossbows, air rifles, bread making, making his own pasta, snakes, tropical fish. All forgotten about a few months later after he's bought all the gadgets. He still has the fish though, can't really put them in the attic. My husband is the same, he'll see something online and think 'Wouldn't it be a good idea to take up Iranian ninja fighting?' (No!) Thankfully at the moment I manage to convince him he doesn't have the time to take up another hobby but I'm not looking forward to retiring!

Oh God yes and it's so depressing!!

My FIL has a passionate interest in preserving old Methodist Chapels. He is not a Methodist but has got himself on a 'board' and takes an active part in lots of Methodist activities, even organising them, and inspects the state of chapels and writes reports. I don't quite get it, nor does DH.
MIL is an organiser- of anything. If she is involved she will be organising.

These are 2 traits I don't see in DH. He is one of the most disorganised people I have ever met. Can focus on the organisation needed for here and now but not for things ahead. I do that- maybe that was one of the attractions for him- I would do what his mum had always done for him, think ahead.

Yes. Mr.D's father had an affair to self-medicate for depression and left his wife.
Mr.D is in the middle of doing the same thing. (Moves out today)

He has always been so down on his father for doing this - I never thought he would do exactly the same. :(

My dh does a really annoying thing with his lips that make me want to punch him. His dad does the same.

My Mil puts loads of things on the kitchen windowsill. So does dh. Really annoying.

FIL does an excellent line in talking AT you rather than TO you, and dh does that, too. Drives me nuts.

There's probably things he finds irritating about me too!

Ha yes! DH can be very like FIL . FIL lives alone and his oddness is out of control. I am allowed to pull DH up on any FIL type behaviour.

Even MIL worries about their similarity. She divorced FIL!

I am very like my dad. That also needs curbing on occasion.

Can you see the traits of your PIL in your DH?

Yes. And they're always the negative ones, for some reason. The positive traits are obviously all my influence for good!

Yep, dh often prefers his own company, forgets that the dc's need his time and is very stingey on occasion exactly like Fil. I have often been known to tell him he's becoming like his father.

I look like my DM, does that count? My tummy and boobs are all heading south just like hers did.

DP is not so much like his dad, who was very anal and tidy (more like me!). But I do see his mum in him - impossibly messy, highly irrational, prone to hyperbole and self-delusion. DP will argue black is white if he thinks it will help him not be in the wrong and she is exactly the same. Drives me nuts when either of them do it.

Another thing is walking around the house 17 times in a total flap just before going out, trying to find his shoes/bag/keys whatever. And spending money - no idea of budgeting or being sensible.

However she is much more extreme than him. I hope he isn't going to get worse and I'll actually end up living with someone exactly like her. I would have to get my own place I think.

OTOH I worry that I am turning my mum (that is NOT a good thing) and tell DP to warn me if I show signs. I often say "Oh noooo I didn't sound like my mum just then did I???"

FIL clearly has Aspergers tendencies and so has DH. So far they diluted somewhat in DH.....

When he was young, exDH looked like his Dad. Definitely a strong physical resemblance but I didn't see any personality or character similarities. As he got older, ie 40 + he became very much like his father. And that's one of the reasons we're now divorced.

No. Otherwise I doubt I would have married him.

They are a pretty open, very close to each other family and pretty uninhibited.

DH wanders round naked, sleeps naked, tells me about every aspect of his bodily functions, comes in bathroom to use loo while I am in bath etc- does not bother me. But If we stay with them, MIL comes into our room early EVERY morning with tea. She sits on the bed for a chat for a few minutes. DH not bothered at all by it. I find it very uncomfortable. He just lies there cuddled up to me talking to her. I pretend to be asleep. She has walked in on us while we have been having sleepy sex like spoons. I just pretended to be asleep.

Over tea they discuss all sorts- PIL's piles and how she has to keep him regular, how SIL had an abscess from an ingrown pubic hair and how gruesome it was and MIL tried to sort it out with needle and tweezers.

I have visions of DH in 25 yrs time talking to our DCs and their partners over tea about his bodily functions in a very matter of fact way and worse, revealing mine to them conversationally as a point of interest.

DH is turning into his Mother. She is a lovely woman in so many ways but has a really irritating habit of teaching Granny to suck eggs.. And so does he.
He is also anally tidy and opinionated.

I'm an ageing hippy like my parents so we make a great pair!! :D

Yes. He's got his mum's intelligence and great sense of humour. He has his late father's calmness.

I wish he had more of their traits, tbh, bloody FABULOUS people! it's the bits that are all him that I struggle with

Plus, if he looked like his dad rather than his mum - well - phwoor! I saw a picture of his dad when he was a young man and he was just beautiful. That's the only word for it.

meant to add - re me - I spent my whole life trying to not turn into my mother and I accidentally became my dad.

You should hear my rants about the music of today.

Hecate my rants are similar I think!
DS plays some shite on his phone that's all bass and 3 notes and has the cheek to call it music..
I sound like my FIL

DH has inherited a sort of uber-confidence from them - bad things won't ever happen, everything will always turn out OK. Whereas I go through life assuming worst case scenarios - I think we temper each other quite well there.

Although despite that glass-full-to-the-brim attitude, they all share a preoccupation with health - panic if there's anything slightly wrong with them. I think they're so convinced life will be good that they're taken by surprise by any ill-health.

Oh yes. My dh is like pil.
He collects newspapers for days on end, as he'll eventually reads them. He never does.
Tight as a gnats arse, but flashes the cash around friends.
Tries to find loopholes in anything to try and save money.
Thinks he's a financial whizz.
Always has to be doing something.

And drumming on their legs/car dashboard/sofa to songs which already have blooming drum beats, drum beats played by professional drummers which neither FIL or DH are. Yet they persist in thinking they can somehow out-drum the drummer - it drives me insane.

Toast how come I have never seen you in my house, as you are clearly married to my dh?
Fil had a shocking temper (this mellowed with age and illness) Dh was going down same path, till I told him he was just like his dad. (And his dfs illness made him realise life was too short to be an argumentative arse)

I love my PILS, they are very kind generous people who love their DC's but at times they can be very detached emotionally. Stiff upper lip and get on with things never show you are upset even if you are in turmoil, is their way of going about things. DH prescribes to this mindset at times and it can be very hard to find out what he's feeling as he hides it away. Very frustrating sometimes but not deal breaker.