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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to crack a passcode on his mobile?

67 replies

AmeliaAmelia · 14/05/2014 18:16

Pathetic... I know... But he has got 2 mobiles and one of them got passcode.... Wondering if maybe there is my proof of him cheating... :(

OP posts:

sooperdooper · 14/05/2014 23:30

If you aren't happy about him using porn, not having sex and going to strip clubs you have every right to end the relationship on that basis, you don't need to access his phone, you don't need any more proof and you don't have to stay in any relationship that makes you unhappy

Do you live together, dc?

AmeliaAmelia · 14/05/2014 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BerylStreep · 14/05/2014 23:41

who or what is ashleymadison?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 14/05/2014 23:53

Ashley Madison offers services to married folks looking for something on the side.

Just googled. It came up straight away.

Oh dear. Sorry op.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/05/2014 06:21

Oh dear. But you have to talk to him.

Btw my bf has a passcode on Jo's work phone because if security. The company won't let him access their server on a phone with no passcode

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/05/2014 06:33

You don't need proof that you're unhappy about the lack of intimacy and his porn use. If you don't like his behaviour tell him to leave and then put the onus on him to prove that he's a decent person before you allow him back. If he's a decent man he'll shift heaven and earth to convince you. If not, you've lost nothing.

daisychain01 · 15/05/2014 06:35

Definitely time to take the big next step, which is to tell him it is over. Why do you need proof via the phone, presumably you have seen some evidence of his access to porn sites etc

Dont be swayed by him snivelling and saying how broken hearted he is, nor how mad you are. It doesn't matter what he thinks

His behaviour is vile and you deserve better. Once you've broken ties you'll wonder why you wasted so much time with him!

Jan45 · 15/05/2014 10:47

Is that not enough, porn use, strip clubs, god knows what else.

You are perfectly entitled to be hurt by all of this, his intent is to go behind your back for sexual gratification from other women, is that not enough to end it?

Vivacia · 15/05/2014 11:30

For goodness' sake. There's enough there. As has been repeatedly said, it's enough that you're not happy and and not in a trusting relationship.
Why get in to playing this game?

MotleyCroup · 15/05/2014 11:37

I understand your need to know OP, been there worn the t shirt.

There's a lot to be said about 'gut feeling' and it's easy for some to dismiss and tell you to confront. The problem is people who are cheating can be so convincing, you truly think you are going round the twist. They have a great way of turning it back on to you.

I feel for you OP, although I don't really have the answer to your question.

I found out dp had cheated two years ago. I came on here at the time (name changed since) and had some great advice. We've worked through the mess he caused but it's been hard. We're in a good place now though.

From what gather in your replies your h has given you cause for concern so it's totally understandable that you feel this way.

Does he go out a lot? Is he glued to his phone when he's at home? Does he seem distant? Is his work phone the same model as his other phone btw?

Vivacia · 15/05/2014 12:13

I agree with a lot that Motley says, but I just feel that the time and emotion you expand being miserable and trying to get evidence could be better spent starting a new phase of life.

Milmingebag · 15/05/2014 12:27

If you need further evidence from your partner sit him down and ask him to unlock his phone in front of you. Tell him you are looking through this phone as you suspect he is cheating.

If he refuses you have your answer.

Personally, after the stuff you have already disclosed, I would be gone already.

MotleyCroup · 15/05/2014 13:28

Some people need closure in the form of proof. It's very easy to doubt yourself but if you're otherwise quite rational then you should always go with your instinct.

alphacourse · 15/05/2014 14:16

If he is using married affair websites like Ashley Maddison, then his membership payments will show up on bank statements as a foreign currency transaction. Could you look at the bank statements? I also undertstand your compulsion to know - to be faced with hard evidence, as you can question your sanity otherwise. I'm sorry you are going through this.

BeCool · 15/05/2014 14:24

Tell him how you are feeling - ask him to hand over the phone and code.

See how he reacts - think about what possible reasons there could be for him saying no and not wanting to assure you that all is well in your world?

Jan45 · 15/05/2014 14:26

The OP has sent him a msg so he will have by now deleted all evidence.

BeCool · 15/05/2014 14:27

Things r not great between us, we dont have sex, he is using porn, googling strip clubs and ashleymadison....

Gosh - why are you still with him? Is this what you want in a partner?

You don't need proof. You really don't need proof - you can just walk away from the relationship because you want to, because you are unhappy, because your P is a giant arse, because you deserve better.

Original poster

AmeliaAmelia · 15/05/2014 15:54

Ladies... Thank you, so many smart and understanding replies... I'm really touched...

I just sometimes wonder if I'm expecting too much... If I'm just a hopless romantic...

OP posts:

BeCool · 15/05/2014 15:56

Amelia your P sounds like he couldn't be less romantic if he tried!

You can remove those rosy spectacles and allow yourself to move towards a much brighter nicer future.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/05/2014 15:59

Amelia no, it's not expecting too much for your partner to be faithful, honest and to respect you. That is the absolute baseline. The minimum you should hope for.

Jan45 · 15/05/2014 16:00

No nothing to do with you dear, you're wanting and expecting loyalty in a relationship, we all do.

What's now happened here is he has well and truly fallen off his pedestal.

Whatever crap he feeds you just remember, if you decide to stay you can never trust him again.

Fontella · 15/05/2014 16:08

Expecting too much? Hopeless Romantic?

You're in a sexless relationship with a bloke who you already know is "using porn, googling strip clubs and ashleymadison."

On the shit scale of relationships that's already near the bottom ... regardless of whether you can add 'proof of cheating' to the mix.

If it's romance you're after, you'll never find it in a million years with this porn and sleaze merchant.

Raskova · 15/05/2014 20:25

Did he say why he was using Ashley Madison? I'm guessing if he said to see other women, you'd have left. So I'm guessing he gave you an understandable reason?

Original poster

AmeliaAmelia · 15/05/2014 20:51

Ladies... U r simply amazing....

OP posts:

Original poster

AmeliaAmelia · 15/05/2014 20:53

Raskova - he doesn't know that I know...
I simply don't what to do...
In the meantime - he is being nice and loving.
Ergh :/

OP posts:

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