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Original poster

Am I a huge fool??

69 replies

yellowrose2728 · 11/05/2014 23:59

This is so fucking hard to admit, but, inspired by another thread here goes.....

P and I have been together almost 2 years. I have 2 ds he has 1 dd and we have a 3 month old between us. All kids adore each other.

We both came from v v poor relationships, dv on my side and years of arguing on his (no love lost between him and xw confirmed both sides) so our relationship has suffered, with us rowing, maybe because of our pasts where it became normality.

A couple of weeks ago we had a row, nothing more than normal....I walked into the bedroom to finish off my point (as he had walked away) and he pushed me out. ( to put this into perspective I am.5"6 and he is 6"5 and weighs 4 stone more) he pushed me with such a force I flew out and bashed my head which knocked me out for 30+ mins, in which time he panicked and called an ambulance. I came too at hospital to find him sobbing at my bedside...begging for forgiveness etc. He admitted all his faults and told me he would be different, yet said "it's not like i punched you, just a terrible accident"

Why am I still here? Does he deserve a chance or should I just walk??? Sad Sad Sad Sad

To my RL friends please understand this is not to be repeated and not mentioned Sad

OP posts:
Ludways · 12/05/2014 00:42

I wouldn't be in a relationship where we argued that much, tbh. Nothing wrong with an argument but all the time, no way.

That's without the pushing.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 12/05/2014 01:16

Oh, and this...

He admitted all his faults and told me he would be different

that's to get you on side...

yet said "it's not like i punched you, just a terrible accident"

that is him minimising it.

So basically, the moment you came to, he was by your bedside, attempting to get you "on side" and to make sure you backed up his story to the paramedics and he was already minimising it and rewriting history as soon as you were conscious again.

I'd say it's pretty obvious who he's really concerned about... and it's not you. It's himself. Sorry yellowrose.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/05/2014 06:28

Even putting the violence to one side (which YOU most certainly shouldn't!) it doesn't sound like a very happy relationship anyway. Arguing, baggage on both sides that sounds very far from resolved.

Why on earth did you decide to have a baby with someone you'd known less than a year? Not that this is your fault but your poor kids

I think you know the answer op

meandcoffeeequalhappy · 12/05/2014 06:55

He literally hospitalised you, and you even think about staying. Seriously. Wow. I would leave. It is worse than hitting. You were out cold!!!!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/05/2014 06:56

Time to leave yellowrose before he hurts you again. He will hurt you again. Your feelings of shame and embarrassment for all sorts of reasons are truly misplaced.

Both of you have come from very poor relationships and what you have really now is two people in a really dysfunctional relationship.

I would suggest you call Womens Aid and let them help you get out on 0808 2000 247. You are a prime candidate too for their Freedom Programme because this is for women who have previously been in abusive relationships. What has happened here is that you've gone from one previously violent relationship into yet another one. You've also brought a child into this, that child deserves better as well.

You can leave but you need to be brave and make that first step out yourself. Infact you've actually done that by writing about this on here; some women would not have done so.

Eastpoint · 12/05/2014 07:02

You were unconscious longer than I was after I was knocked off my bicycle by a motorbike travelling at 25mph. (In the early 1980s before bicycle helmets).

He didn't need to punch you to really hurt you. If this is what happens after a short period together what have you got to look forward to?

arsenaltilidie · 12/05/2014 09:15

If he was trying to get away and you block his way, shoving you would be slightly understandable.
If you were 5ft and he was 6ft5 maybe understandable.
Neither of those are good.

But he is only 4stone heavier but managed to push you so hard to make you unconscious.
That wasn't someone lashing out to get you out of the way or whatever he is telling you; that was someone wanting to inflict damage on you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/05/2014 09:40

You're not a huge fool. However you're describing a relationship of only 2 years duration that is already characterised by 'rowing' and has now escalated to physical violence. Whatever experiences you have both had in the past, neither you nor your children deserve to live in that environment. I'm sorry that you've had this terrible experience.

SnookyPooky · 12/05/2014 10:27

Please run for the hills and never look back.

This is how it starts, with pushing. If you let him away with this he will do it again, guaranteed.
I have been with my DH for 17 years and we have had some hum dinger arguments and never once did I think he would raise his hands to me and he never has.

Previous twat ex knocked me about and it started with a push and escalated to strangling, punching, kicking etc.

You know what you need to do.

zippey · 12/05/2014 20:14

Give him a second chance if you like, but a worrying aspect is him minimising what he did, saying it's not like he punched you, making excuses for his behaviour. He should own what he did before you can forgive him. It's not your fault, he's the one one raised his hands to you.

Also think about what you would do if he had pushed and hospitalised one of your children.

All the best in whatever you decide.

badbaldingballerina123 · 12/05/2014 20:24

I have pushed my dp in a heated row once. I would have been horrified had it resulted in something similar to your situation.

I would be alarmed that his first thought was to lie to the paramedics. From a medical point of view , there's a big difference between treating someone who has collapsed , and treating someone who potentially has a head injury. There's no need for raised voices in front of dcs.

wtffgs · 12/05/2014 20:33

Sweetheart, your kids would much rather hear about the relationship breaking down than that Mummy is seriously injured or worse Sad
Please listen to what's being said on here.
FWIW I don't think you are weak and pathetic..... him? Well, how much of a waste of space do you have to be to physically assault someone much smaller than you and then lie about it? He's not a bit sorry Angry

BrewThanks

EvenBetter · 12/05/2014 20:39

Your boyfriend knocked you unconscious. For half an hour. This is appalling. There is no need, no reason and nothing to justify staying in the same building as such filth. Get out, or report him and get him out and do the internal debating afterwards.

Itsfab · 12/05/2014 20:41

Oh no Sad. Another abused woman who is scared by the reality so minimises then disappears from the thread Sad.

You could have died. Where would your children have been then?

Get out of this relationship. Just get out.

EvenBetter · 12/05/2014 20:45

Sorry, if you're still reading OP, I jinks my last post seemed quite abrupt, I mean, report an incident of assault to the police (his choice, his consequences), get him out, or go to a refuge or family's house. The report will also keep your baby safe from him. Don't minimise, doubt yourself or hand wring. If a man in the street knocked you unconscious you'd report him? This arsehole is meant to be your protector, your number one fan. He's revolting.

Tinks42 · 12/05/2014 20:47

The horror here for me is that he made you lie about it. He now knows he can do anything to you and you will cover. If he totally owned up and asked to taken away etc. due to what he did then there may be very slight grounds for talks. It will now escalate if you don't get out.

JaceyBee · 12/05/2014 21:31

You should tell the doctors the truth. They'll probably want to do tests to ascertain why you 'collapsed' which as well as being a waste of everyone's time and money may not detect things that may be significant such as brain bleeds/bruising.

Actually it's disgusting that he lied to the paramedics, could have resulted in you not receiving correct treatment and putting your health seriously at risk. Selfish, spineless wanker.

And no relationship should consist of this many arguments after just 2 years. He's wrong for you, sorry.

Botanicbaby · 12/05/2014 21:31

you're not a weak person OP, the weak person is the one who hits you. its such a cowardly thing to do.

please don't ever blame yourself.

the trouble with having been through years of DV is that we end up feeling that is all we are worth or else we minimise it or resign ourselves to expect it Sad

LondonNicki · 12/05/2014 23:30

You poor thing, you must be in shock. I know it will be really hard to think of how to leave and what to say to your children but he knocked you out for 30 minutes? That is a serious assault so you should call the police and get advice on what to do next. You can't stay with this man. What worries me more is he is trivialising it to accept it to himself...

LaurieFairyCake · 12/05/2014 23:33

He lied to the doctors about what he did

That means he knows he abused you, knew how it would look , knew he could be prosecuted for it.

And still lied.

AlbertsJoy · 12/05/2014 23:39

Sorry you've been hurt by your partner op. What is "gaslighting" and " "sidelining" please posters?

sykadelic · 13/05/2014 01:12

You're right. You following him to continue the argument was your fault. That's the only part that is your fault though.

It is NOT your fault he pushed you. It's not your fault you were knocked out. It's also not your fault you were too scared to deny his version of events at the hospital (although you really should go back otherwise your medical records say you passed out for no valid reason).

You do not deserve this.

You need to report the incident to the hospital and to the police (so it's at least on record). Protect yourself and your kids.

Minime85 · 13/05/2014 06:37

u ended up in hospital. do u really need to ask what u should do? please get advice and leave. the alternative is surely to frightening to even chance

Itsfab · 13/05/2014 07:49

Bollocks to following him to continue the argument was the OP's fault Angry.

I doubt she will be back. She knows it was wrong but has a young baby with this prick and is probably frightened for the future. Is your baby a girl, yellowrose? Think about how you would feel if he did this to her or her future partner did. You could have died and he would have got away with it and had custody of your baby as he lied to cover up what he did. He cared more about himself than he did you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/05/2014 13:27

"What is "gaslighting""

From a film/play 'Gas Light' where the victim is manipulated into believing that things did not happen the way she recollected. It's mental abuse.

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