Is our peaceful marriage unusual and / or boring?

[thepianoteacher]

I am 38 and have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 2 years. He has a good job and I don't really work other than some part time work from home which is because I enjoy it rather than the money.

My personality is very laid back and easy going, I am quite sensitive and so like to avoid a lot of stress but at the same time I genuinely never get annoyed at my dh. Friends and family always seem at loggerheads with their partners over jobs needing done or their dp's behaviour but it never bothers me, mainly because he doesn't do anything to upset me. He watches football and goes to the gym and plays golf but then I have my own hobbies and we always spend time together on our shared interests such as watching movies, cooking and travel. We get along really well but we also have our own space. I think we just accept each other, we are best friends and our sex life is still really good.

It wasn't always so great, he used to be years ago very moody and would get very angry at me over the smallest thing and I would get very upset, cry and make it worse but that hasn't happened for years now. I am happy with our peaceful marriage but it seems very different to other marriages. Certain of my friends find it odd that we don't fight and that I don't ever get mad at him, he honestly never gives me cause. I never got angry really with anyone for any reason its just not my nature.
One friend said she would be bored in a marriage like mine without passion. We have a great sex life after 20 years together but its true we aren't always falling out and making up.

Anyway I just wondered what an objective audiance thinks, are we normal or unusual? I guess it doesn't matter too much but I am curious to know how common our dynamic is and if others really would be bored with our style of marriage?

Dh is very laid back. Me less so.

We still have discussions about stuff, occasionally we get grumpy about something, but we never argue the way I did with my xp.

That is a really good thing. Arguing is not good for a relationship IME.

Big fights and hours and days stewing away are such a waste of the time we all have

We're not afraid of confrontation. tbh there's not a great deal to confront as we're just fundamentally very compatible. When we do have issues we just talk about it, never really felt the need to scream about it. Ages ago dh told me that if he ever did anything that annoyed me, to just remember he must have done it inadvertently as he'd never do it on purpose. All our communication is based on that principle really.

I don't know why people equate passionate with drama. Passion simply means very intense emotion, doesn't it? It's perfectly possible to have intense emotions without it being dramatic. I'm not overly given to sentimentality and like you thepianoteacher I'm a very laidback person who's very rarely riled, but if I choose to dwell on how much I love my DP (or my DC for that matter) I feel like my heart could burst with happiness. I don't feel the need to have a row, to make up afterwards, in order to feel that.

Every individual is different, as is every relationship. What works for one doesn't work as well for another. Live and let live is my motto, although IME I would say that high drama, frequently, tends to be indicative of a relationship in trouble. For me, 'boring' is great. I don't find it boring. The steadiness of our relationship means that I can rely on it and therefore make plans without wasting huge amount of mental energy and time worrying about a reaction or wondering how best to broach something. And that means much more time to have fun and excitement together.

I disagree with the friend who thinks a peaceful marriage is without passion. It can be intensely passionate and calm too. Passion doesn't always have to flare up with aggression. It can flare with laughter or happiness or silliness or intense agreement about something tremendously important to you.

Most of the time DH and I are as you describe. We fight from time to time but make up so quickly that the fights are barely memorable. We never have atmospheres that go on for days. This wasn't true when DC were small though. There was door slamming and shouting because we were so shattered. It calmed down so much once we passed the broken nights stage.

It's called a happy marriage. Ignore friends who think teetering on LTB every week is a more exciting way to live.

We dont argue all the time either. I have no desire to live like some Jeremy Kyle contestant