Not sure what to do - online dating dilema.

[solitudehappiness]

Started seeing a guy a few weeks ago that I met online. We've been getting on great, and he rings me or texts most days. Tonight he looked at his emails on my computer and then went to use the bathroom. I looked at his emails (yes I know I shouldn't) and saw one from a woman. They'd been emailing and he said he couldn't wait to hear her sweet voice.
What do I do now? I thought he liked me? Why is he emailing other women?
Really need some advice.
If I say anything he'll know I've checked his emails.

Wow some of the responses are a bit harsh here.

Chaseface I don't think I'm shades of crazy at all.!! Thats incredibly rude of you to say so. Having issues with trust does not make me crazy at all! Yes I was wrong to read his emails, and I realise that now!

Delphinegreen YES!! some of the responses are more than a bit harsh here! But then I'm sure all the harsh posters have never made a mistake in their lives.

I'm feeling very harshly judged

So out of interest when do people suggest one has the exclusivity talk? Must admit I've just joined OLD and so very inexperienced on this. In the old days you went on a few dates and that was it you didn't see other people!

I think responses have been ridiculously harsh.

OP, I think perhaps it was wrong that you looked, but frankly if he didn't have anything to hide it wouldn't be a big deal. it's not like you haven't had a conversation about exclusivity, from what you say, you have had that conversation and he's either lied at the time or subsequently changed his mind.

I don't have any time for liars, so I wouldn't bother giving him any opportunity to come back with an explanation, just dump him. You deserve better than the sort of inadequate man who is dating 2/3 women at a time because he's worried he might be missing out on something. It's the usual OD bollocks. Not all men who OD are like this however just the vast majority

I might be old fashioned byt uf someone was staying at mine over night I would expect that to mean exclusivity otherwise its just a bit grim
but I guess in the kubhy world of meeting people online and not through friends etc where you already know a bit about someone or get to see how they are with other people, then you reallly do need to discuss this frankky. It may be that he would prefer exclusivity with someone else or not at all.

solitude with all due respect I think you knew it was wrong to read his emails when you were reading them rather than after you posted for advice.

It' one thing to open up his computer and read his emails, quite another to read them when he had them on your own. You were well within reason.

I'd be a bit put off...if he likes you he should probably not be telling someone else he misses the sound of their voice.

Even after a few weeks...?

I have no problem with you reading his emails, I'd have done exactly the same thing. anyway, did you look at the date? definitely recent?

Dear god, having read through the responses here I am so glad I no longer bother

You meet someone, you might have sex with them but hey....who cares, neither they nor you have to be exclusive until you have "the talk".

No wonder our society is so fucked up.

So easy to walk away now isn't it?

Whatever happened to meeting someone and being monogamous?

Evidently I am old fashioned but this would seriously annoy me. If a man cannot be bothered to spend time getting to know me exclusively then quite frankly he isn't worth it.

I agree Jakebullet.

Really who wants to be sleeping with a guy and spending time with him, whilst he is emailing other girls telling them he can't wait to hear their 'sweet voice'.
What a guy!
What us wrong with men today. Do they have no respect and have to gave numerous women on the go. Who wants to be with someone who is shagging other women. God no wonder so many lovely women gave self esteem issues.
Op. He sounds like a player. You snooped his emails. Big deal. He is probably doing with other women what he is doing to you.

Yeah, it is a rather depressing world we live in with regards to 'exclusivity' and dating. To be honest as soon as I've been on a few dates with someone I immediately knock every other bit of flirtation on the head because hell, if I like someone enough to see them multiple times then I why on earth would I want to 'keep my options open'? To be honest if I saw this I'd be put off big time. If its got to the stage where he's spending time round your house are you really happy with the fact that he's still dating other people, exclusivity or not? To me dating at that stage should be about falling for someone and wanting to spend all you time with them, not having several women on the go!

And why are so many focusing on the op looking at the email, rather than the fact that the guy is choosing to shag and date lots of other women. He's not being entirely honest is he. And why would he bring up the idea of exclusivity when he's got all these women on the go.
He's not exactly making the op feel special if he's arranging his next date with someone else.

Ok, I asked him today if we were dating 'exclusively'. He replied that we were, and his life was too busy to bring in extra complications. WTF do I do now. Obviously I can't tell him that I read his emails. I genuinely don't know what to do?

when was the emails to her sent. Were they recent?

if they were old perhaps he is telling the truth.
If they are recent-well he is a liar and l would dump

He's a liar then isn't he..... dump him.

Just because one man has cheated on you doesn't mean another man will.

If you want a grown up relationship without any elephants you need to either tell him you saw an email that is bothering you and finish things with him.

Bin him. I can't see that you have any other option at this point. He is now lying to you. Perhaps now is the time to try and resolve your trust issues and avoid the dating scene for a bit longer. I would also suggest that you do not read other peoples emails unless you are prepared for what you may find.

Scrape what remains of your self esteem off the floor and dump him. Tell him why, or don't, whatever.

What other choice do you have or do you want?

You really shouldn't even need to ask.

Actually you CAN tell him you read them, that you know he's a big old liar and so he's dumped.

If you "can't resist" looking at his emails because you have trust issues, I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship.

I would ask him what he means by exclusivity. Has he dated or slept with anyone else since you've been together?
How would he feel if you had?
If probably say that he left his emails open on your computer and that it was obvious he has been emailing other women. And then await his response.
Ultimately, I don't feel he sounds like a catch.

And regarding trust issues. Surely everyone 'researches' their new dates on line.
I don't think you have trust issues op, unfortunately, women (and men !) have to be a bit more suspicious with od as so many play the game.