Staying for the children? :-(

[seriouslyhadenough]

The background is so huge but I want to take the first step of starting a thread.

Briefly - years of financial abuse and lies.

I have thrown him out for 48 hours to give me time to think.

Two v young children who adore him.

Can't face a life of shared custody and Christmases without them :-(

Can't face the thought of him staying :-(

God I am stuck.

There is a lot of background which may gradually come out over the course of the thread. I apologise in advance for any drip feeding but I am a mess right now and can't face typing an essay at the moment.

OP I too think I know which thread you did previously. You really do sound in turmoil - I think while you feel this way, let your parents do what's best for you now. If you feel you are having a break down, let them take the weight of heavy decisions and keep your H away. He's done far too much damage already, and if you don't have the strength to stand up for you and your DC right now, let your parents be your support and take some of that weight from your shoulders.

Staying for the children only works in the very limited circumstances that both parents realise that the current relationship is going wrong, both want to restore it to healthy and functioning, and both are committed to beginning immediately to taking the steps to restore it (and are reasonably convinced that the manifestations of difficulties can be managed whilst the real hard work is ongoing).

This doesn't sound applicable to what you are describing.

Yes, agree. The best thing for the children is that their mum or dad is in a good place mentally! If this is not likely to happen, then separation has got to be better. The incessant demands of small children, plus a job, plus financial issues, plus all the other stuff are enough to destabilise the most sane of us. It literally turns us into someone else. In my case I became uptight, tense, lacking in humour, depressed etcetc. I'm sure you know what I mean. And that is not good for anyone.

Share as honestly as you can with your parents, they sound like they are willing to help. Get as much information as you can on the legalities of divorce. Look after yourself. Like in the aeroplane safety cards - put your oxygen mask on first.

That is the way you will help your children. If your husband is seriously there for them, he will do everything in his power to support you and thus them. It really is the least he can do.

A man who lies chronically, and financially abuses you - especially to this extent - is a high risk to you and your children.
None of what you have said is frivolous, not even slightly.

Don't stay there long enough that he starts lying to the children, and openly letting them down. That really will hurt them.

Your children may be upset at changes in the short term. But they will adapt very, very fast. Children as small as yours are still learning about the world: every day is new. They will adapt much faster than you think, and be much happier, because you will be happier.