Suspicious Filth!!

[Mrsfullhouse]

Ok. Help. I think I'm going to explode.

I was fluffing the pillows in our marital bed with Ds, when he pulled himself up using the metal bedhead... and was very pleased to have discovered a sticky lump of used chewing gum stuck behind it.

I don't chew gum- I think it's vile, and I have never ever seen Dh chew gum either. It's clearly quite a recent deposit as its still sticky.

I'm pregnant and Dh has been off sex of late, I put this down to my hippo frame and that he has been working such long hours lately.
He went off sex when I was pregnant with Ds, then I discovered an unhealthy intrest in internet porn on his phone.
Has he gone off me this time and replaced the porn with a real life, gum chewing, slutbag???

Please help me rationalise this before I storm to his work, throwing said gum, along with his suitcases, at him....!

Mrsfullhouse - I know it's not a laughing matter but your "have worked myself into a state of all hell's fury and am ready to murder the bastard....etc etc." just made me spit my coffee all over the monitor

(why is it we always read something that makes us laugh when we've just taken a gulp of tea/coffee?)

Seriously though ... can't you approach it in a more roundabout way - make up some story about how you stepped in some chewing gum in the street and had to scrape it off your shoe, or how your little 'un picked some up and you had to scrape it off his fingers .... and how disgusting it was, and how you hate chewing gum and that's why you never chew it and "do you ever chew gum darling?" ... type conversation ... and if he says 'no' then you can go 'well what the fuck's this then ...?' type thing?

(haven't explained that very well, but hopefully you get the gist).

Is it still tacky? Any finger prints?

Has he come home drunk recently?? Late night out, get into bed chewing gum...worse the west so he thought sod it, I'll put it here??

• worse the wear...

Yuck. I hope there is an innocent explanation OP.

When he gets in tell him all innocent that your mouth tastes nasty and ask if he has any gum. He might go and retrieve you some from his secret stash, or he might say 'ew you know I never chew gum'
Good luck

Mrsfullhouse just noticed your OP mentions your DH has been "working such long hours lately" - sorry but along with his cleared phoned messages it all sounds a bit suspicious to me...

Hope you're ok op?

how are you op ?
hope you caught the bastard red handed and take him to the cleaners

I am with Mrs snoozybird.

OP - try to resist smashing a bottle over his head!

Please try to stay calm enough to not affect your DS and unborn baby.

Get a DNA analysis done :)

Sniff the gum. If it smells of DH's penis, then you know he is up to no good.

I agree with posters who say ask hm for some gum first and gauge his response.

If he gives you some, tell him he's a dirty minger for sticking it to the bed. If he says eurgh I don't chew gum ask him who does then.

you can't drink the wine, but don't let that stop you bashing the fucker over the head with it - but do get your facts straight before you do.

Sniff the gum. If it smells of DH's penis, then you know he is up to no good.

ROAR.

In all seriousness OP, I would be concerned too. Then again I am also heavily pregnant and mother to a toddler. There are possible innocent explanations to this which others have highlighted -- I guess what you need to ask yourself is why this so heavily aroused your suspicions. Is it really just hormones or is there something more to this instinctive response? Hope you get to the bottom of it.

Oh no, MrsFullhouse not been back then?
Though there'd be an update by now - if there was a reasonable explanation.

Oh dear doesn't sound good

"I storm to his work, throwing said gum, along with his suitcases, at him....!"

I really don't think violence is the answer, nor is a premeditated public character assassination on the artefactual evidence of pre-chewed gum in a surprising locale. Gum and conjecture supported by a episode of minor forum hysteria is no grounds for an assumption of indiscretion regardless of the emotional coaxings of the irrational and evolutionary inherited limbic brain.

I am rather surprised that nobody on this thread has considered the possibility of the following course of action ...

"just ask him"

Calmly.

Would it really be that difficult?

I really hope it turns out for the best.

What have you asked him before which made he tell you you were crazy and he should " call the midwife"? patronising git.

Stay calm, op, and ask him. sounds horrible tbh. And you've lots of worry with your mum

Firstly, Mrsfullhouse , I'm sorry to hear about your Mums recent health issues & I'm sure she's extremely grateful for all the support you've been given her :)

Secondly, (Although I know I'm a bit late into the post) - Could you leave the gum there & try to get your DH to find it tonight somehow? Then see how he reacts when he finds it.

I hate to say it but with working ''long hours recently'', you being out at your Mums & especially a completely cleared phone... I'd suggest there's a deeper story to gum behind the the bed (which in itself is vile)

Hopefully you can just let us know that you are okay.

I wouldn't ask him.
If he is a lying, cheating bastard, he'll just lie to your face and be more careful.

Is it possible he's a secret smoker? I don't chew gum...except on the rare occasion when I have a one-off cigarette. You'd probably have other clues to this, though!

Maybe he has started smoking and uses gum to disguise the smell?

Can the gum be from any other person? Visitors? Relations? Friends? Previous owners of the bed (is it second hand?)

What if he finds the gum and thinks you've been having an affair? Maybe he has already found the gum and thinks you're having an affair and is avoiding you, it would account for him spending "long hours recently" at work.

I really hope this is all a misunderstanding.

Hello ladies (and gents, just in case(

So, here is the rather sheepish conclusion to my ranty behaviour...

Dh comes springing in through the door to be confronted by, in his words, Margaret Thatcher and te Incredible Hulk's love child...
There was no subtlety... At all.

The poor man stood there whilst I accused him of banging a 'gum chewing slut whore'...

So, anyway, turns out that when he went out with his headmaster and a few of the cricket team for a beer, he'd had a few cheeky cigarettes. He'd come home and bumbled up to bed where he found me passed out in a hippo like slumber.

After crawling into bed (drunkenly falling) he realised he was still chewing gum, which he'd tried to use to cover up his stinking fag breath- which I would have berated him for, so rather than get out of bed and risk waking the beast, he'd rather disgustingly stuck it to the head of the bed frame, thinkig he'd retrieve it unnoticed in the morning. Of course the dopey twat was very hungover the next morning and forgot.
He's had a school inspection this week, so the last few weeks have been manic at school, hence the late nights- and he'd come home early tonight to take me out for a romantic surprise (I'm not coming off very well here am I!)
He deleted his messages as the memory was full and he couldn't send texts... I've since checked this and yes, guess what... it rings true.

So, it turns out that I am indeed batshit crazy, but in fairness I'm heavily pregnant and nearly lost my darling mother last week... stressful times.

To make it up to me (!!??) He drove me to my mother's tonight with Ds to visit her, then took us for a lovely drive and a visit to a country pub and bought me a non alcoholic cider.

He's just spent the last two hours stroking my belly and telling me how much he loves me and apologising for being away so much....

I am, I fear, a total tit.

I shall however be sure, in future, to check all chewing gum for the smell of penis!!

Thank you all for being proper lovely and making me feel like I wasn't mental (even though I am!)

Yay, I guessed it (smug secret smoker face!)

...and very glad it turned out to be nothing. And in fact has had a positive effect!