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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Whirlwind Romance - good or bad?

36 replies

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 20:09

I met my bf online, been seeing him about two months now. It became very intense very quick as we were both very attracted to each other. We been seeing each other a lot, him staying over etc but since the weekend (where we saw each other three days in a row) he seems to have cooled off and the texts have become less frequent.

He assures me everything is fine but its just a feeling I have that things aren't quite the same anymore between us.

Just wondered if its me or has the whirlwind turned to a shower?

OP posts:

FabULouse · 07/05/2014 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 20:47

Ask him.

Flippsy · 07/05/2014 21:03

What do you want? Short term obsession or long term relationship?

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 21:06

Long term flippsy. Im falling for him big time and just scared I think.

Trouble is too him n his wife only split a few months ago

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 21:10

Perhaps he is rekindling things with his wife, or never properly split in the first place. Do you know her ?

It's likely you were the rebound. You have been very silly to fall for a man so hard, so quickly.

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 21:13

He said there's no chance they'll get back. She left him for another man and still with him so I don't think he'll go back. He been clearing all her stuff out.

His 13 year old daughter doesn't want him to have a gf either

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 21:13

Baggage, baggage and more baggage.

MagnaCharge · 07/05/2014 21:14

Whirlwind romance can work. DH and I got engaged after 6 weeks moved in together 2 weeks after that and got married 8 months after that. 10 months to the day after our first date. That was 14 years ago.

That said the fact he only split with his wife recently would worry me.

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 21:23

I know worries me too

Just wish I could have some good luck where men are concerned. He actually said he loved me today but I just have this gut feeling that ain't going away

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 07/05/2014 21:30

You shouldn't ignore your instincts

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 22:09

I've had no bad feelings up until the last few days..just won't go away but when I ask he says we fine

OP posts:

MrsIrony · 07/05/2014 22:28

I had exactly that. I kept nagging away at it. My guts were telling me something was wrong and I tried to ignore it. I too asked him if things had changed and he kept saying not. In the end, and not long after the bad feelings started, I said I couldn't, wouldn't sustain a relationship with someone that blew hot and cold. We were seeing each other for about two months. He expressed undying love for me in about four weeks. He proposed to me after about five weeks and was gone like a puff of smoke three weeks later.

I look back at it now as the right thing to do. It was too much too quickly and I felt stressed and vulnerable. Didn't want to be seen without my make up being perfect and my tummy was in a knot most of the time I was with him. It was a very physical lustful relationship. Also too intense. We barely spent a day without being together right from the off.

It hurt for a while but I got over it and am now very happy. I look at it like this. I was not long out of a 21 year marriage and it was good for me to have an affair like that after all that time and rediscover myself and know that there is someone out there somewhere should I bother to go looking. If the pace isn't comfortable for you get what is comfortable for you. Don't let someone else lead you along - have the relationship you want, not the one someone is prepared to offer you.

As others have said, trust your instincts, they are very rarely completely wrong.

BramblePie · 07/05/2014 22:31

Bloody good post MrsIrony.
Don't let someone else lead you along - have the relationship you want, not the one someone is prepared to offer you.

I will be remembering this.

AuntieStella · 07/05/2014 22:33

Whirlwind is one helluva risk.

If you are both young and baggae free, then I'd say take a punt. But I don't really think this applies here.

This is harsh (sorry) but please remember that he is only newly split from his wife and you might be the revenge fuck.

Minime85 · 07/05/2014 22:45

how long is recently split?

go with your gut. if its meant to work doesn't need to be so intense maybe it does need to be a step back now and how will this relationship work in the real world, not in the 'bubble' it has possibly become.

mummyOF4darlings · 07/05/2014 23:00

I do think whirlwinds do happen for some people but I think to have this feeling so early on shouldnt be ignored.
Its so hard sometimes as much as you dont want to fall for someone it just happens, Ive been there had the most fantastic few weeks with a guy fell head over heels then the warning signs started, Had a feeling he'd been with someone else confronted him and he got down on 1 knee and asked me to marry him that was in week. Of course things did end up badly but I chose to ignore my gut instinct. Luckilly im alot wiser now and men dont get chance to mess me around.

In your case it sounds like maybe he has a lot going on, does he see his dd alot? You say youve met him online? Have you considered he may be still using it to chat to other women? This also happened to me a couple years ago is there anyway you can check? I know sometimes it say xxx was last online at such and such date. Im not saying he is but it could be a reason. Also you said you spent 3 days together could it be he just maybe wants a bit of space? Maybe the novelys worn off sort of thing (no disrespect)

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 23:00

The new year they split Minime so yes very recent. She still plays a big part in his life too.

MrsIrony wow that sounds just like us and probably the same ending I fear...

What's the saying 'wise men say, only fools rush in'

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 23:12

MrsIrony when u finished it did he try and resist?

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 07/05/2014 23:22

The fact you even need to ask if everything is fine is the massive big flag telling you it's not right.

I have been there before many times

I know it is much maligned, but I read The Rules, and put about 70% into practice - not being constantly available, being your own person etc. Some people think The Rules is manipulative, but I prefer to think of it as a way of separating out the flakes from the keepers, slowing things down, having respect for yourself as a person rather than one half of a relationship.

mrsbrownsgirls · 07/05/2014 23:29

Aw, too harsh!
hang in there and report back.

When you are really into someone , imagined threats to the bliss are commonplace.

please update us and good luck !

Original poster

Pinklaydee1302 · 07/05/2014 23:43

Thanks mrsbrownsgirls I do hope you are right but this feeling ain't going away....

Yes I'll update tomorrow as he coming over and no doubt I'll be able to get more idea from body language etc

OP posts:

mrsbrownsgirls · 07/05/2014 23:54

good luck luv x

beaglesaresweet · 08/05/2014 00:48

OP, some people are like that in relationships, they need periods of calm and retreat but then come back with passion again (I don't mean they disappear and go NC - that's bad).
It's a mistake to push him for answers or to be anxious already, just because you are wired a different way, i.e. very steady with your need for him and emotions. Just chill a bit for a week or so and test whether he comes back like a spring and you have a new high, or he drifts away. But don't lose a possibly good thing already.
Should add that this ESPECIALLY applies to person who recently split up - but if they are worth it for you, give them a chance.

fortyplus · 08/05/2014 00:51

Sounds to me as though he's cooling off - he's still into you enough to want to sound keen but the first flush of lust has worn off. Hopefully maybe it'll develop into something solid and stable but I wouldn't bank on it.
Hope it works out for you op

Minime85 · 08/05/2014 06:23

maybe he realises the pace is too quick and wants to slow it down too so it can last? it doesn't mean its necessarily the end.

at new year is recent. everyone gets passed things at different rates so maybe he is ready. I think try to take a step back and talk to him about where u both want it to go.

good luck

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