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Original poster

And so it begins...Aug 27th and MIL asks us 'if we've thought about Christmas yet' :(

38 replies

tigertum · 28/08/2006 00:26

Its August 27th. We're still wearing T-shirts. Leaves are on the trees, the suns shining (well almost) and me and DP, this afternoon, had our first row of the year over 'what to do on Christmas'. It's 4 sodding months away, I can't believe it!!! MIL asked today after SIL brought it up. Every year its the same. Two families, living 5 mins away form each other - who are we going to let down this year? We've tried to do both, but this is rushed affair in which one family always feels put out. Then there's the horror of all the clobber to organise and cram in the car to stay with them vs staying at home and p*ing everyone off or them (which family) coming to us whilst we (I) spend an entire day banished to the kitchen, dripping with sweat, trying to cook a vast meal in my tiny oven. It's only fair and right to go to MIL's this Christmas for various reasons but this means I inevitable have to break the news to my mum who will say 'my empty table at Christmas without you' and 'your poor gran not seeing you' and make me feel utterly guilty. At MIL's we have to put up with BIL who, bless his heart, is quite possibly the most annoying person in the entire universe. At MILS I willbe fending off attemps to drug DS with copious amounts of e-number filled crap and will probly fail and find myself scraping him off the ceiling or worse. Bloody hell it's 27th August and here I, confronted already when I least expected it, and thinking about all this stuff 4 MONTHS in advance!!!

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
anniediv · 28/08/2006 00:30

no. we have this. now we say 'on christmas day we wil be at our house'. end of. knickers to them if they don't like it. it's so-o-o-o annoying though, isn't it???

milward · 28/08/2006 00:30

Nope - but it was me today - saying to dh that isn't it good that fri is the 22nd as this xmas is on a monday. Last year fri was the 24th so was harder to plan as less time as xmas & the weekend were together - iyswim!!

Original poster
tigertum · 28/08/2006 00:38

anniediv - annoying with a capital 'A'. We tried to do that last year. Stay at home I mean. Hooing to avoid all this. But my mum used the whole 'our table is so empty/your poor old gran' etc and ended coping up here - meaning MIL was left out. Maybe this year will be a total disaster and then we can use that as an excuse to do what we want next year.

Its just the fact that its August!

OP posts:
anniediv · 28/08/2006 00:40

and do you knpw what tigermum?? at christmas when we see them, it'll be 'do you think you might be able to come and see us for even just a weekend in summer. grrrrrr......give it a rest, for gawd's sake!!!!

Original poster
tigertum · 28/08/2006 00:47

I sound like a massive scroodge and for the record, there is so much I do love about Christmas. My ideal Christmas (whic we've never had) would be DP, DS & I have a mellow day at home. Nice meal, no stress. DS plaing with toys, Dp & I spread out on the sofa. Next day spent visiting family. We would upset everyone if we did this though

OP posts:
serenity · 28/08/2006 01:06

We do two christmas's. Christmas Day is usually at my Mums and then we do it all again on Boxing Day at MILs. I've never done a Christmas at home, and tbh I'm not that bothered by it. Quite happy for someone else to cook for a change We're probably lucky though as neither my parents or my MIL have ever tried to guilt trip us over it.

Socci · 28/08/2006 01:08

Message withdrawn

serenity · 28/08/2006 01:10

When I worked for Woolies, Christmas would have already started - we'd begin getting deliveries of trees at tthe end of July!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/08/2006 08:33

"My ideal Christmas (whic we've never had) would be DP, DS & I have a mellow day at home. Nice meal, no stress. DS plaing with toys, Dp & I spread out on the sofa. Next day spent visiting family. We would upset everyone if we did this though"

Tigertum

Your various relations have caused much upset over past Christmases by acting as they have done (laying guilt trips on you all, your Mum should be less selfish!) so I would strongly urge you this year to have the Christmas YOU want for your own family unit. I would tell both families that this year you will be spending a quiet Christmas day at home with your own family unit and if they don't like it that's too bad. As for them being upset well let them; they'll get over it. Its only two blooming days after all. You will only feel more upset otherwise if they keep dictating to you and it sets a precedent that is hard to break.

sleepfinder · 28/08/2006 08:48

~Oh dear that does sound like pressure Tigertum.

Can you tell everyone you're going to have a christmas to yourselves this year?

Would it be a chance to break the pattern? Could you announce that because its always so hard to choose, you're going to rotate your obligations from now on - 1 year just you at home, year 2 you with your mother, year 3 you at the ILs?

That way at least you know you have 2 years off in between?

Frizbe · 28/08/2006 08:52

Book a holiday and invite all of them to come, that way your pleasing yourselves and letting down no one, as they can join you if they wish

BettySpaghetti · 28/08/2006 08:54

MIL "booked" us to go to their house for this Xmas (2006) before we'd even had Xmas 2005!

As soon as we'd stated our intention to stay at home for Xmas she said "well in that case you are coming to ours next year then" -what can you say? I could hardly make up an excuse over a year in advance as its not as though anyone else has even thought of Xmas 2006 when its summer 2005!

Tommy · 28/08/2006 08:55

we talked about it as well yesterday
I can't bear it and actually don't even want to think about it. Have the same issues as you tigermum - my Mum seems to think that she has to see ALL her (12) grandchildren on Xmas Day and can't understand why we mught have to spend it with in-laws. my brother can't understand why everyone can't spend Xmas day with our in-laws so we can spend Boxing day with him and his family. AAAAAAAGH
I'm already stressed about it as well but I agree with everyone else - we have to be assertive and remember that Mums are very good at laying guilt trips on us but you no-body else should be able to make you feel guilty unless you've done anything wrong!

Northerner · 28/08/2006 09:00

Oh god I could have written this thread yesterday as SIL and I were talking about it.

We have a similar situation, I really want a christmas at home just me, dh and ds but feel so bad for my parents who live over an hour away and as I am an only child I'll they'll be alone if they don't come here. My Dad's OK but my Mother will cry and sob and make me feel bad. If I stick to my guns I know my mum will be so depressed on the day she'll ruin my Dads day. It's a nightmare. If she comes here and see's me getting on well with MIL she gets all jealous saying 'Your my daughter not hers' and we have a big crying scene and my poor old Dad is stuck in the middle.

Dh can't relax when my mum is around so that puts me and him on edge and it's not really enjoyable.

Feel like jumping in the car and sodding off somewhere for christmas.

Sorry for hijack.

crunchie · 28/08/2006 09:00

God I'm glad I'm jewish!!

LIZS · 28/08/2006 09:01

This reply has been deleted

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mymama · 28/08/2006 09:19

Reading this thread makes me happy that dh and I have no parents but also makes me sad that dh and I have no parents!! I do have mil but she is self absorbed and couldn't give a toss about spending Christmas with anyone but the latest dying boyfriend (no. 3 this year). So we have what most of you would like - a lovely day at home with just us and the kids. Lovely cooked meal, air conditioning (usually 35 degrees celcius plus here in Australia), a bottle of champagne (for us) and endless dvds and junk food to keep the kids otherwise amused. aaaah bliss.

Ulysees · 28/08/2006 09:26

We have Christmas day at home. My mam's been coming to us the last couple of years as she's never done Christmas iykwim. Her bf isn't into it either. I like a big dinner round the table with all the festivity. MIL and FIL do their own at home and don't mind. We offer for them to come her or to pay for them to go to a restaurant but they're happy.

If we want to stay at home alone without mam she won't mind at all.

If you really want your ideal Christmas you need to stand firm Tigertum. Don't let people guilt trip you hun. Tell them you'll see them boxing day and be honest. Tell them it stresses you not being able to do what you want. Don't think you have to bottle it all up or walk on eggshells. You deserve better.

TheLadyVanishes · 28/08/2006 09:26

ooh i'm waiting for my MIL to start asking what are we doing for xmas and I will be getting dh to tell her! we are staying at home just me dh and dd as I feel its abit unfair to be taking young ones out on xmas day when all the want to do it play with their toys (and as my family didn't buy my dd any xmas prezzies last year apart from my mum, well i'm bloody sure i'm not buying for them and plus i'm no longer working) but I've no problem if anyone wants to visit us later in the day. dh has finally managed not to be on call this year and will be wanting a drink or two

Ulysees · 28/08/2006 09:29

Blimey Northerner, just read your message Not being funny but is your mam is a bit much. She must be very unhappy to have to go on like this. I really feel for you and hope this year is better hun xx

wartywarthog · 28/08/2006 10:19

tigermum, you could say that since you're wanted in both places, you won't go to either. you'll see mil on christmas eve, and dm on boxing day and you'll stay at home on christmas. that way neither family 'gets you' on christmas, but they both see you around the time.

wish i had this quandary in a way, but my mum lives faaar away so never get to spend christmas with her, every year is my mil.

hulababy · 28/08/2006 10:24

We refused to get into his thing every year. Christmas day is at our house - me, DH and DD. DD spends the day playing with her new toys. DH will veg in front of a film. We have champagne for brekfast. I will cook - something we all fancy rather than anything traditional we have to have. DH and I gradually work our way through the wine bottles. DD gets chocolate for breakfast We go for a walk. We relax.

It is the one day a year we insist is ours and ours alone.

SecurMummy · 28/08/2006 10:31

tigertum, I know you have probably already discounted this but how about having xmas eve at one nd bxing day at the otehr and xmas day at hoeme? I qoute like this approach as it means everyone gets "a piece of you" but you also get your own time with your immediate family - and it means you are not rushing around teh whole day.

sorry for typing dd3 helping again!

tissy · 28/08/2006 10:34

How about booking a meal in a hotel somewhere near both sets of parents? You see them all, but don't have to cook for them.

Twiglett · 28/08/2006 10:37

oo this year we're going away to a cottage in the Lake District with friends so what we'd really like to do is come and spend the day (and night) with you on December 28th then spend the day (and night) with other family on December 29th

no pressure .. they can do 'family meals' on each of the days

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