And so it begins...Aug 27th and MIL asks us 'if we've thought about Christmas yet' :(

[tigertum]

Its August 27th. We're still wearing T-shirts. Leaves are on the trees, the suns shining (well almost) and me and DP, this afternoon, had our first row of the year over 'what to do on Christmas'. It's 4 sodding months away, I can't believe it!!! MIL asked today after SIL brought it up. Every year its the same. Two families, living 5 mins away form each other - who are we going to let down this year? We've tried to do both, but this is rushed affair in which one family always feels put out. Then there's the horror of all the clobber to organise and cram in the car to stay with them vs staying at home and p*ing everyone off or them (which family) coming to us whilst we (I) spend an entire day banished to the kitchen, dripping with sweat, trying to cook a vast meal in my tiny oven. It's only fair and right to go to MIL's this Christmas for various reasons but this means I inevitable have to break the news to my mum who will say 'my empty table at Christmas without you' and 'your poor gran not seeing you' and make me feel utterly guilty. At MIL's we have to put up with BIL who, bless his heart, is quite possibly the most annoying person in the entire universe. At MILS I willbe fending off attemps to drug DS with copious amounts of e-number filled crap and will probly fail and find myself scraping him off the ceiling or worse. Bloody hell it's 27th August and here I, confronted already when I least expected it, and thinking about all this stuff 4 MONTHS in advance!!!

Am I the only one?

then of course you stay at home with your own family .. maybe invite close friends .. just don't answer phone

(change place and dates to suit)

I can feel my stomach churning as I read the postings as I have been putting off thinking about this. My DH is an only and his parents live abroad. Every year they ask us for Christmas and every year we say no - we now get guilt trip that they are now in their eighties and "this Chritmas might be their last"
My dd 1 and dd2 hate going at any time cos there is nothing for them to do and so I get grief when we do go - from kids - and grief when we dont!! aaaargh

could one of your kids come down with something unexplained but horribly contageous close to Christmas?
That way you get to stay at home in quarantine!!

Can't say I've ever had much of a problem with this - my kids only have one set of grandparents (in laws both died way before we were married) so it was always go over to my parents house for Christmas day, and my BIL and his late wife would visit the following day. Going to be different this year, as my little bro will likely be with his new gf at her parents, so my folks and hopefully BIL are coming to us Xmas day....YAH HAH no more turkey, no massive rows over washing up (my parents will be doing it - my house, my rules!) and much easier to hide all the christmas chocolate from the kids so they don't scoff it all in one sitting! But still had to organise it this early, otherwise dear dad would be already ordering a turkey and telling us its name.....

I am going out to the Rural Life centre to book Father Christmas today.

Do you live 5 minutes away from them or do you mean they live 5 minutes away from each other? Can't you do one family on one day and another on Boxing Day or Xmas Eve?
Either that or as everyone else suggests just say you're staying at home. There has to come a time when you stand up and say what you want to do.

On Xmas day were lucky in the respect that MIL is always away so we don't have arguments but we live with my mum and therfore have to have the whole family round which includes 6 children under 6 screaming and running around, 2 eldery people one of whom is completley nuts!

I get cooking duty whilst everyone's under my feet!

Then theres the age old argument of my grandfather who's tradition is to tkae the 'men' to the pub whilst the women are to stay at home and cook, dp doesnt go, grandad get's arsey!

its all fun and games at our house

will we all end up laying the guilt trip onto or ds and dd's is it enevitable ? Does it come with age or is it just that particular generation.

My friends and I looking forward to one day NOT having to do the whole family traditional "thing"
at Christmas- please say that we wont change!!!

Tigertum, your situation sounds EXACTLY the same as ours - both sets of parents live 5 minutes away from each other (and about 2 hours away from us). Everyone says to us 'isn't it fantastic they live so close'... and actually, no it isn't really, as we always have to share our visits carefully, we are made to feel like we never stay long enough at each one, dd gets spoilt in two different houses, and we always come back totally exhausted and overfed.

As for getting out of Christmas, we've done it twice, once when dd was born a month before and we said it was far too early to contemplate travelling anywhere! The other time was before having children when we went to Mexico, which was just bliss, but we were made to feel guily about that one for a long time, not directly exactly but the message got across. But yes, it's all about guilt for us, our parents not getting any younger, and pretty unhealthy in some cases, and want to spend christmas with their grandchildren etc. So it looks like the same again for us this year.

Thanks for your advice and stories everyone. The going away idea sounds great but we can't afford it. We've tried the two-in-a-day thing and that didn't work in terms of time BEFORE we had DS to lug about. So many people in the same situation. Those mellow stay-at-home Christmas some of you manage to have sound very nice.

Mulled things over today with DS and as my Mum hijaked our last attempt for a 'stay at home' Christmas and the year before we went to my mums too, it's only fair that we go to MIL's this year. DS can play with SIL's DD. I wont have to cook, washup, or do the dreaded xmas grocery run. MIL really wants us there and I can see how she would feel hurt after not 'having us' for two years. So here's the plan. We'll go to theirs this year. This should set the slate clean and next year we'll say that for now on we're having Christmas day just for us. I know this sounds like a massive cop-out, which I suppose it is, but hey. I'm just going to picture the horrific mountain of mess and washing-up my lazy family sodded off and left us with last year and be greatful that I will have no responsability for that this year.

Thanks again for your posts everyone.

TT,but you're obviously upsetting everyone even though you are trying to please them all (and not yourself) so far better to please yourself.

Christmas Eve at one,Boxing Day at t'other with maybe an open house buffet on Christmas Day evening? (Ie a meal that won't kill you in the prep??)

Tigertum - do what you want to do. Christmas so special. Don't let anyone else screw it up for you.