My older brother dating my younger woman?

[brookbox]

My brother is 46 and has been single for 8 years now. After his last relationship ended with her cheating on him he threw himself into his work and closed himself off emotionally, physically.
He is very confident and in control in his work life but personally he is shy and reserved, he is very loving and reliable but its difficult for women to know that.
Anyway it was a big shock when he told me that he had started seeing someone and he wanted me to meet her, he sounded excited and I was happy for him and looking forward to meeting her.

Well she is 22 and very, very beautiful, shy and sweet and not stupid as she is currently studying for her Masters degree. My brother looked like he just wanted to eat her up everytime he looked at her and I get the impression the relationship is very sexual.

He is totally smitten and she seems to care for him but I can't see it working out and I think he is going to get badly hurt again. I don't suppose I can do anything to alter the outcome of this but I do feel he is wasting time on a relationship that cannot last and that it could send him right back to being isolated again.

Any advice on anything I can say to him about this?

Oh, to add a bit. I think the female relatives also had placed this idea in his head that any woman who dated him was after their (what appeared to be a very minimal, badly organised, dwindling) family fortune.

I knew someone younger who dated him (he was an artist, so moved in social circles where a lot of young creative women were looking to sexually "experiment") and she said his Mummy seemed to have put the idea in his head that every younger woman was after marriage and his half share of a cottage in the countryside

So even though she was paying half, made it clear she just wanted a lover and some good company, had dated and dumped FAR richer men than him, etc, he was still a bit "Mummy says you're secretly after my money".

Moral of the story: family should butt out.

He's old enough to make his own mistakes and tbh even if they do split he's not going to regret sleeping with a much younger fittie !! lol

I don't suppose I can do anything to alter the outcome of this but I do feel he is wasting time on a relationship that cannot last and that it could send him right back to being isolated again

This sounds to me as if the OP is concerned for her brother who has been on his own for 8 years and is worried about how he will be hurt if he is dumped. I don't seen the need for all the snotty comments.

She can't do anything about it but she was airing her concerns which is fine.

Not sure how we can suggest 22 year olds (I'm not 22, but I'm only 23) have nothing to bring to a relationship but sex and a pert ass. Plenty of women that age have their heads screwed on and are perfectly capable of being an "equal" to an older man or woman. Not all, by any means (and sure, less than women with 10 years on them) but it's hardly unusual.

Difference between concern and pruriency, though?

I get the impression the brother hasn't even aired any concerns to her, so its all speculation?

It's more like "well this is what I myself think about how happy and unhappy he is, and what he wants in life".

He's ALLEGEDLY closed himself off emotionally and physically for a while. But, seriously, how could she know this? Also, ends of relationships are often stressful, but does this then imply that we should stay with our secondary school sweetheart all our life, to avoid this stress?

Is it the trend to keep nosy sisters informed every time a person has a shag or a date or considers a new hobby then?

Also, like others have said, it seems weird that the issue with the OP only happened when she observed the new girlfriend is attractive and sweet. So if she wasn't, it would be "ok" then?

Personally, I'm single after my divorce, and not planning on re-marrying, and seriously the attitude of some (former) friends about how I now "need" to get a serious relationship with someone frumpy to make them feel better rather than just have lovers and put my emotions into other areas of my life is why they are former friends.

It's ludicrous and patronising to suggest I should go for Mr Frumpy Who Will Never Leave Me over Mr Interesting and Temporary, just so I can be part of a couple and satisfy someone's idea of what my happy life should look like

I interpreted the 'very sexual' comment to indicate it came across as a relationship heavily based on physical attraction, which is why the OP feared her brother would get hurt again.

That said, he's an adult and if he's going to date a woman half his age, if she gets bored he'll have to take the consequences.

Nowt to do with you. End of. Move on and find something to occupy your time and thoughts - concentrating on your brothers relationship with a much younger woman is, frankly, none of your business. And a teeny bit weird....

Difference between concern and pruriency, though

Didn't come over that way to me, if he is drooling with his tongue hanging out and can't keep his hands off her (which seems possible after 8 years alone) then why can't DSis comment?

concentrating on your brothers relationship is she? or, more reasonably, voicing concern that her DB might be hurt as large age difference relationships are less likely to be long term.

Thinks (must be lots of long term singles posting)

I'm 25 years happily married and I think it's none of her business.

Why would a 'long term single' have a different view?

I can imagine he's the envy of all his friends; whether she dumps him or not, I'm sure he has enjoyed the ride.

He is totally smitten and she seems to care for him that is what matters the most.

Nope, married with dc here and it's still none of her business. If their animal sexuality is really making the OP uncomfortable, a jokey 'get a room' might defuse things a bit, anything more than that is inappropriate. What if she does voice these 'concerns' and then the relationship blooms? The gf will be on here posting about the interfering SIL who has been against her from the start!

and it's a helluva Freudian slip in the title, sorry OP

I know there are loads of examples where this type of age gap works out but I still find it a bit odd. 24 years younger is a lot. However I wouldn't say anything about it to him. If they are at the stage where they are wanting to meet each other's families then it's more than a quick fling.

They are going to have to get used to lots of 'is this your daughter/father?' comments

I presume your DB doesn't have kids? I am his age and my eldest is 22 - so maybe that's why I would find it so weird. Many of my sons friends are lovely, mature, fun and intelligent people and one in particular, is drop down gorgeous but they are at a different stage of life to me (and I consider myself a very young active fun-loving person)

Are you a bit jealous that you wont see him much now he is in a relationship? Just be there for him because if you butt in and tell him how you feel it may well affect your relationship with him in the future.

My sister's partner is 26 years older than her and they've been together nearly a decade since she was 19. Doesn't always fail due to an age gap.

My mum was a bit thin lipped about the whole thing for a while but is over it now.

I don't see that you can do or say anything to be honest.
They are both adults.
both my grandparents have/had a twenty something difference in age and stayed together. I wouldn't assume that the relationship will fail because of age gap.

I married my first husband when I was 18 and he was 41. He died of cancer when he was 47 leaving me devastated with a 5 year old daughter. Kind friends said that I had made his last years the best in his life and I take comfort in the fact that his librarian colleagues were dead impressed that he had a teen bride. I loved my husband very much and at no point was our relationship suspect - we just fell in love.