Snoring

[marshmallow2468]

Anybody else married to a snorer? I've always known that my husband snored, but it didn't used to be that bad. I could live with it at least. But now it's starting to really get to me. I know it's not his fault, but I can feel myself starting to get a bit irrational about it and blaming him, particularly in the middle of the night when I just want to cry. I don't want to sleep in separate rooms, but a couple of times recently I have taken myself off to the sofa. He went to the doctor about three years ago, but is refusing to go back again because there's no point. Because I only work part-time and in a less stressful job than him, DH seems to have the idea that his sleep is more important than mine.

We have a 14 month old son, and we're both keen (him slightly more than me) to have another baby. But I had a year of broken sleep with DS, and even though he is now mostly sleeping through, I'm still not sleeping because of the snoring, so I'm currently refusing to think about having a baby until I'm regularly getting a decent night's sleep. And I'm back at work now, like a zombie most days I'm there.

Any tips? Either on the stopping snoring or the not resenting DH? I feel like I'm getting close to some sort of edge, and I don't want to tip over it. I can't help feeling that at some point it's going to majorly affect our relationship. And I really don't want that to happen.

He needs to go back to Dr

ask for a sleep assessment, might mean an overnight stay in a clinic or bringing equipment into your home

Losing weight/giving up smoking/alcohol can reduce incidence of snoring

if he stops breathing during sleep this can have severe impact on health

You have my sympathies. Dp snores and it keeps me awake constantly. Dd woke up for the loo in the earky hours and I just couldn't get back to sleep because he was snoring. I've been up since half 4 :(

Drives me bonkers and i wish we had a spare room.

I think the doctor would be a good idea. He doesn't smoke, isn't a massive drinker, but is a tad overweight. I suspect he'd be told to lose weight and he doesn't want to hear that. I have heard that snorers can be at increased risk of strokes or heart trouble, and this scares me. He's knocking on the door of middle age now, he should be careful!

Of course, he may never reach middle age if I reach the end of my tether first......

In all seriousness, I'm glad we have a spare room, but I don't want me sleeping there to become the norm.

Have a look at this thread and in particular a brilliantly helpful post by FastLoris near the top of it.

If loosing weight would cure it then he needs to loose weight. If I put on weight I eat less and do more exercise. Surely he should be willing to loose weight if it means you having a good nights sleep? Otherwise your looking at separate bedrooms.

It's likely if he stopped eating dairy and gluten he'd stop snoring too as these bung everybody up with mucus.

I hadn't thought about avoiding dairy and gluten. I know a couple of singers who do that before gigs, so it makes sense. I cook our dinners every night, so could look into suitable meals. He wouldn't avoid it during the day though, he'd just refuse. I'll look at that other thread now.

Adayinthelifeif, I agree, he should think about losing weight. He's not hugely overweight at all, but as most of us find it more difficult to keep weight in check as we get older, I think he should start taking it seriously now. But, as above, I can cook us very healthy meals in the evenings and at weekends, but he'll just pig out at work.

I agree he needs to do something practical to sort this once and for all.But in the meantime, Boots sell wax ear pugs (they are in a blue box and you get 20 for about £2.50). I find you only need to use one - break it in half and use half for each ear.

They're a stopgap to help you sleep. You can still hear so you would hear the kids if they needed you, but it takes the volume down to a level where you can ignore it a bit easier.

But that isn't to say he doesn't have to worry about snoring of course. He needs to think about his own health, and yours.

Yeah if he wants to pig out and be overweight that's fine until it starts affecting someone else. If my partner was overweight and snoring which was stopping me sleeping I'd definitely be suggesting they loose weight or look elsewhere to sleep. A good nights sleep is essential for a healthy life. Otherwise your going to be tired, grumpy and worn out every day which isn't a healthy state of mind to be in for either of you. He needs to show some effort in solving the snoring problem as it's him causing the issue. If he tries all of these things and nothing helps then fair enough but he's got to try?

He has got to try, and there is a sense of unwillingness, which I think is what annoys me more than the snoring. It's always me who has to go to the spare room in the middle of the night. I often can't be bothered to open out the sofa bad at that time, so just sleep on it as a sofa. He then asks me why I don't just open it out each night so it's ready. But why should I? Why should I be the one to move? We have two spare rooms, one of them is downstairs, so he could sleep there occasionally without disturbing DS or me.

Spongebob, unfortunately I'm prone to ear infections which earplugs seem to make worse. But I'm getting so desperate I'm considering them, and sod the ear consequences!

My DH had a brain scan a couple of years ago because he wasn't functioning as he had before at work, and was worried he might have some sort of cognitive decline. Eventually it turned out to be due to oxygen deprivation from snoring. He now has a CPAP machine to stop him snoring at night, and has completely recovered from his previous problems. Anyone with really bad snoring will probably have sleep apnoea like my DH. It is a real health issue and well worth treating it. It is also much better for me, because he is quiet at night now!

I got one of these off the dentist, worked a treat.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ANTI-SNORE-SNORING-MOUTH-GUARD-SLEEP-AID-DEVICE-STOP-APNOEA-STOP-SNORING-/350874249753

Obv it was a bit more expensive (75) because it was from the dentist themselves and not ebay, so it got fitted to my mouth etc, but yeah might work for your hubby :)

OP - You need to stop blaming him for this and stop thinking he's being lazy by not trying to lose weight until you know for sure that it's not a medical condition. You should be concerned, not irritated (though it's hard when you're sleep deprived).

Sleep apnea CAUSES weight gain, so all the exercise and dieting won't help and he'll just get down because nothing is working. So, rule out medical causes and if ruled out, he could start on a diet or try any of the other snoring (not sleep apnea related) solutions there are such as nose strips, or throat spray, or maybe he needs his tonsils removed or something.

As I alluded to on that post that meditrina linked, I have sleep apnea and trying to lose weight before the medical cause was found just made me more and more depressed. Nothing I did could shift the weight. I only snore occasionally now and my husband says it's muffled by the mask! It's usually only when I'm REALLY tired or getting sick (congested).

You can get sprays from a Pharmacy which are supposed to help reduce snoring. They're quite expensive (about 15-20 I think) but it's not a massive loss if it doesn't work. Something to so with stopping stuff vibrating. Snoreeze is one of the brands. There are others. Nytol just brought one out but I don't know much about it/how it works.

Sykadelic - I've been sympathetic towards the problem and not blamed him so far, but he's not willing to try anything to help, and that's what I'm losing patience with. I asked him again this evening if he'd go to the GP, and that I'd greatly appreciate it, and he's refused. I also suggested that we alternate nights on the sofa when my sleep's disturbed, and he's refused, saying that it would hurt his back. So he's not being sympathetic at all towards my mental and physical wellbeing.

I've been almost crying through tiredness at some points today at work. He has to do something to try and solve the problem.

My sympathies my Dp snores too. Agree with posters about looking at the medical side of it. Some of the sprays do work - when my Dp uses them I notice a difference. I also heartily recommend these, they are amazing:

www.amazon.co.uk/Pairs-Howard-Leight-Laser-Plugs/dp/B00A25JLN0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399401834&sr=8-2&keywords=laser+ear+plugs

As an aside, my DP was never sympathetic and didn't realise how bad he was. How about recording his snoring?

My DP finally realised when he went away with some mates, shared a room, and the next day one of them took him off to a pharmacy (in a foreign country mind), to get something!! (he bought those nose strips which help too but he might find uncomfortable).

I take the piss out of him a bit about this, but was really angry it took his mate's lack of sleep to make him realise. Even now, he forgets to use the spray and I have woken him to make him put it on. Grrrrrrrr.

Blearily marking place.

Short term I think you should look after yourself and make sure you get the best night's sleep you can, bearing in mind your 14 month old.

So claim your spare room; put nice bedding on, move your books and radio in or what ever else you like to have around you.

Stop even trying to sleep with him until he makes an effort and until you have had a week a two of proper sleep.

I know men can be head in the sand about going to the dr and you can't make him, but I feel quite cross for you actually.

btw dh has completely stopped snoring since losing 2 stone last year.

www.britishsnoring.co.uk/

Have a look at this website. My DH was a dreadful snorer and after years of interrupted sleep I managed to persuade him to do the snore test on the site. He now uses a mouthguard at night and it has drastically reduced the noise.

It has made life so much better for us and I can now look forward to holidays without the dread of having nowhere to escape to at night!!!

Along with the suggestions on that other link, get him to sleep on his front, that helps in nine times out of 10.

Get him to blow his nose before sleep.

Have window open slightly, nose can be trying to get oxygen - those last two I am not really sure about, but do try sleeping on front.

As for earplugs, some from Boots that are yellow foam are good albeit not cheap. Replace every so often though (ie every fortnight) or you get an ear infection, chances are.

I was just going to recommend the Boots wax earplugs - here. They really work, you can plug up your ear completely (no gaps near the entrance). DH has snored for years and these are the only ones that work. They feel uncomfortable at first but you get used to them and now I can't sleep without them . All the best OP, I know how horrible it can be.

The nytol spray worked brilliantly on my ex.

OP - Why is he refusing to go to the doctor? He sounds completely selfish! I felt so guilty when my husband had to move to the couch (I was dead asleep) to try and get a couple of hours sleep. He said "I think we should consider doing something..." and i said that I'd book an appointment for the sleep doctor I'd been seeing advertisments for on my drive home. I called the next day and a month or 2 later I had my CPAP.

Is he normally this selfish? Can you try talking to him again? Telling him you just can't keep on like this and it's not fair to either of you. His health is at risk, and so is yours from the disrupted sleep. Tell him you don't want to sleep in separate beds, you don't want that kind of marriage but you can't keep putting your health at risk.