Snoring

[marshmallow2468]

Anybody else married to a snorer? I've always known that my husband snored, but it didn't used to be that bad. I could live with it at least. But now it's starting to really get to me. I know it's not his fault, but I can feel myself starting to get a bit irrational about it and blaming him, particularly in the middle of the night when I just want to cry. I don't want to sleep in separate rooms, but a couple of times recently I have taken myself off to the sofa. He went to the doctor about three years ago, but is refusing to go back again because there's no point. Because I only work part-time and in a less stressful job than him, DH seems to have the idea that his sleep is more important than mine.

We have a 14 month old son, and we're both keen (him slightly more than me) to have another baby. But I had a year of broken sleep with DS, and even though he is now mostly sleeping through, I'm still not sleeping because of the snoring, so I'm currently refusing to think about having a baby until I'm regularly getting a decent night's sleep. And I'm back at work now, like a zombie most days I'm there.

Any tips? Either on the stopping snoring or the not resenting DH? I feel like I'm getting close to some sort of edge, and I don't want to tip over it. I can't help feeling that at some point it's going to majorly affect our relationship. And I really don't want that to happen.

I do understand your frustrations. Dh snoring has got worse over the years. Went to sleep clinic, got cpap, only used it a few times. He didn't like it & having tried it myself, it does take some getting used to. Dh stopped smoking several years ago for a few months & his snoring stopped.

Now he smokes and drinks most nights, is overweight & his snoring had got worse. Earplugs don't work, it doesn't block out the vibration of the snoring.

After years of no sleep, feeling so exhausted & emotionally drained & having to get out of bed every night to sleep in the spare room, I moved all my things into the spare room & claimed it as my own. I had a lot of feelings of guilt at first , then anger towards my husband for trying to make me feel guilty about it & for not doing anything to help in reducing the snoring. This was the thing that upset me the most too, not the snoring, but the expectation that I would just put up with it, whilst he did nothing.

It's not ideal, I miss waking up together, I do feel lonely in bed sometimes, but it was the best option out of the choices I had. I couldn't sit around waiting for my husband to try something, I had to take control for my own sanity! Now I go to bed knowing I will get a good nights sleep.

Hope you can find a solution that works for you.

OP you must feel so angry and frustrated (not to mention tired). You have my sympathy as I know how awful it can be to have a partner who snores

Your DH is being very selfish and uncaring towards you. This is his issue that is having a negative impact on your family, and he should be doing his utmost to address it. I don't think any of the stop snoring remedies mentioned will have any effect because the snorer has to be prepared to buy/use them, get over possible discomfort while adjusting to them, see a doctor, follow a strict diet etc. By the sounds of it he won't be willing to do any of this until he takes his snoring seriously and is determined to tackle it. At present he won't because it's not affecting him, he's getting a good night's sleep in the comfort of his own bed.

I can tell you my story of snoring but not sure it will be helpful to you because of your DH's attitude. My husband has snored for years and is overweight and a smoker. Until recently he had been sleeping on the sofa for several months so I could get a decent night's sleep as his snoring had got so bad. Sometimes I could hear him snoring downstairs when I was in bed. He was snoring on his back, side and front. Throat sprays had little effect. I tried sleeping in earphones and earplugs but found them uncomfortable. He went to the doctor who told him, quite reasonably, to lose weight. But he was unable to stick to a diet for long enough for it to make any difference to his snoring. Even on the occasions he lost weight (later to put it back on) his snoring was unchanged.

Then, six weeks ago I embarked on the Paleo diet for my health, and my DH joined me. He stopped eating all gluten and dairy. Within ten days his snoring had stopped. Totally. Not a peep. Sometimes I have to prod him in the night, not because he's snoring, but to check he's breathing at all! The effects of the diet have been miraculous. He's also lost two stone. He has been his present weight before and still snored then, so it's not just the weight loss. I just wish I had known about this easy (once you're in the swing of it), healthy, non-medical referral or equipment-based cure earlier!

Good luck OP, I hope your DH starts to make some serious efforts to tackle his problem.

Empathy here too. Just so you know!

DH is broad - really broad. He's a rugbyplaying-ex-squaddie-built like a shed. Not fat, but muscular and really really broad across the shoulders and back. He's got a short neck too. I'm selling him well aren't I? He does need to loose a bit of weight, and when he did for our wedding, he snored less. He claims to be trying to loose, but frankly I don't think he makes enough effort. I don't think he takes it seriously.

He snores sporadically. We seem to have little periods of it, but when it starts, I seem to get 2 or 3 weeks of it and then it stops for 2 or 3 weeks. I don't have a spare bed, or else I'd have been in it. I can't wear ear plugs as I have young DC who call out in the night occasionally.

What I can't hack is the lack of interest in sorting it out. DD came in this morning and commented on 'Daddy snoring like a bear all night'. He scowls like it's a personal attack on him, and just complacently says 'it's not my fault'. Okay, maybe it's not, but sorting it out has to be on his agenda because it can't be on anyone elses.

He grumbled about the 2 year old waking him up who has a cold. He said 'we need to sort that out, he's done it three nights running, we don't want a habit and I'm awful when my nights are broken' - I did feel the rage. I attended to the 2 year old and when I got back in bed DH was fast asleep and bloody snoring and it took me what felt like ages to get back to sleep..... what about my sleep deprivation??

So it might be wrong to feel frustrated and angry, but you're not along.

Well, after bursting into tears through exhaustion over dinner last night, he's started looking online at snoring things, which is a start at least. He wants to try something that looks like a swimming nose clip. Any experiences?

I'd still like him to go to the GP, but at least he's beginning to think about his snoring. I'll just have to keep at him gently.

It sort of puts into context the hedonistic, promiscous gals' lifestyle, getting home from a club, fantastic shag, fall apart side by side - then listen to him snoring. You'd have no idea about your prospects for a good night's sleep when picking up a shag for the evening. Sure takes the sheen off things, but this seems to be never mentioned in any song of illicit love or any dramatic fiction.

Not that women don't snore too, mind.