DH disturbing my sleep

[WashingWashingWashing]

I go to bed at midnight usually, DH always stays up later. I usually stir when he comes to bed, even though he's quite quiet.

This morning it was 03.02! He's off on holiday this week but regularly does this even when he has to be up at 6 for work. Then ge's napping in the evening. So annoying.

I had to get up early this morning, so feel pretty knackered today.

Can you sleep separately?

My DH and I rarely share the same bedroom, I think sleeping together (in the true sense ) is seriously over rated. It is impossible to always want to go to bed at the same time, read for the same time, get up for the bathroom at the same time, get up in the morning at the same time.

I am sure it has saved our marriage (over 25 years ) to have separate rooms.

If you haven't got a spare room can he doss on the sofa ?

No spare room unfortunately, but I'm going to tell him he needs to crash on the sofa. I can't put up with this and it's nearly every night. I feel a wreck through sleep deprivation.

What is he doing till 3am?

No idea, I know he uses porn and we have sex infrequently so could be that. The laptop is passworded so can't check.

DP and I sometimes go to bed at different times. I stay up until the small hours if I can. I do it because it's the only time the house is quiet, and I can think, and just listen to silence for as long as I want to. But we have an understanding that if one of us wants an early night and the other's going to sit up late, the late bird sleeps on the sofa.

We have separate duvets. If your partner a. farts or b. rolls over in the night, you don't a. smell it or b. have your covers yanked from you. Your own single duvet will transform your night's sleep.

Also, earplugs. I couldn't live without mine.

I have told him he either comes to bed by midnight or he sleeps in the sofa. He didn't look impressed but I am going to stick to my guns on this one.

Can't believe how rubbish I feel today. I can't use ear plugs as I need to get up early and would worry I'd miss the alarm. I tend to wake when he walks in the room and then can't get back to sleep.

I think separate houses are more in order here < shrug >

That's a plan AF! We have space to build another house here, I might suggest that.

Sounds like there's a lot going on here reading between the lines - up till 3 watching porn, PC password locked so you can't check what he's up to, infrequent sex... Are you not curious to find out what's really going on?

It might be porn, it might not. The infrequent sex is because of issues (mine) and I'm not against him watching porn.

If the pc is passworded, I can't find out what he's doing, can I?

no, but you can shut down the broadband when you go to bed.

Not sure that's the answer. I wouldn't like it if someone shut the broadband down when I wanted to go on it.

I agree, separate duvets so you don't have to rearrange, plus if v late, him on the sofa is fine.

I wake when he walks in the room though, so I don't think separate duvets would make any difference.
I've had a chat with him and he's said he'll make an effort to come to bed earlier, so hopefully that will help.

Ragwort I am so with you. People think I am mad when I say separate rooms are the way forward. My partner also likes to come to bed later, snores and generally just makes a lot of noise while sleeping. I am a light sleeper and have to wear ear plugs just to get a half decent nights sleep. It's much better when we are apart cos we both get a good sleep.

I agree sleeping separately is probably the answer in these cases, but is it fair to insist that one person sleeps on the sofa if no spare room available just because they prefer to go to bed later?

Ah I feel really sorry for you but I'm the DH in this story I'm as quiet as can be and often sleep on the sofa but our sleeping patterns differ loads.

It used to be the over way round, I wore ear plus. Any help?

no, but you can shut down the broadband when you go to bed.

wtf?

Yep, that would be very controlling!

I have a very similar issue with DP. I go to bed at about 11ish, and DP often doesn't come up until 2am or later, I always stir when he comes to bed.

I would NEVER make him sleep on the couch! He can't help not needing as much sleep as me, and it's not his fault that he disturbs me when he comes to bed, it is what it is.

Hi - my partner can do this too, stay up til v late watching box sets etc. and then I wake up when he comes to bed, or I can't really get to sleep til I know he's turned in.

I've taken to giving him a deadline to come to bed -- or ordering him to when I go! Partly this is more reasonable though as we have a young child and I am v. unsympathetic to letting him lie in just because he was up til 1 am drinking wine and watching TV.

CrystalSkulls, if I go to bed earlier (my ideal bedtime is 10.30) I am wide awake if he disturbs me when he comes to bed in the early hours and I can't get back to sleep then!

It's not an ideal situation for either of us, but I do think my sleep deprivation trumps his need to stay up really late. He cannot be functioning well at work on approx 3 hrs sleep a night! Plus, he spends early evening napping so he must need the sleep. This impacts on family time.

Can he not get ready for bed downstairs then he just has to literally climb under the covers?