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Original poster

Online dating, size 18

46 replies

Anonynony · 05/05/2014 08:22

I have been dabbling in the world of online dating for a few days and have gotten loads of messages from what appear to be really lovely guys, lots asking me on dates etc.

The problem is, I'm a size 18 and none of my pictures really convey that Blush not on purpose but I just don't like full length pictures but it just occurred to me I can't possibly go on any of these dates when the poor bloke might think I'm a size 10 (well you'd probably guess more 14 from my pics)

Is there any way of getting it across in future, like maybe saying something on my profile? But that would make it a bigger deal than needs be?
I don't want to trick anyone, I'd die if they were really disappointed or said something!

OP posts:
PhallicGiraffe · 05/05/2014 08:34

You need an up to date photo, simple as.

Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 08:41

They are all up to date photos, just flattering angles Wink you know in the middle of a group of friends, sitting in grass wearing a dress, head and shoulders etc

OP posts:
scottybeammeup · 05/05/2014 08:44

If you don't want to post full length photos and you want them to know before you meet then I think you should put it in your profile. Maybe not state "I am a Sz18" but subtly refer to it

Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 08:50

Yeah that's what I was thinking, can't think of anything that doesn't sound cringey though!! Nothing with "big girl" in it!!

I'm losing weight at the moment so maybe I'll just put off the online dating until I'm more confident!

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 05/05/2014 08:52

I agree you need to mention it somehow, or you will get nastiness from some of your dates about it. and who needs that when you are looking forward to an evening out. It is horrible but I was reading about this being something that men bitch about with online dating. Not that they ever post flattering photos of ten years ago and say they are taller, oh no.

Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 09:00

Oh definitely Rosh a friend of mine did it for years, her pics were very very flattering but she was 22st! She did get nastiness but didn't care, I really really would care and I don't think I'd actually be able to go through with a meet up to be honest!

I'm in the process of losing weight at the moment so maybe I'll just wait until I can actually be happy with proper pics before meeting up.

Though there's one, really really lovely guy and we've talked lots on the phone etc, I told him my concerns but he said he doesn't care and even still I don't know if I have the guts to meet him!

OP posts:
ImpatientOne · 05/05/2014 09:06

Meet him!

I was size 18 when I met my now husband online. I too was already dieting and when we got married just under 3 years later I wore a size 10 wedding dress - good luck.

YouAreMyRain · 05/05/2014 09:06

I'm bigger than an 18, met DP online. Had loads of dates too before I met him. My profile said something like "I'm more "curvaceous" than "waif-like" good luck x

Sianilaa · 05/05/2014 09:20

I would be honest when you're chatting to them and see where it goes.

I was a 16-18 when I met my DH online and I was very upfront about it but he said he didn't care. I took that at face value and gave him a chance and I'm very glad I did :)

Roshbegosh · 05/05/2014 09:25

I think you should definitely meet up with the guy you have been chatting to. That sounds very promising. Do please go for it, he sounds nice.

DustBunnyFarmer · 05/05/2014 09:30

Some men prefer a curvier woman.

DownstairsMixUp · 05/05/2014 09:35

I was gonna say, some guys actually prefer bigger women, I'd just be honest! I'm sure you look great anyway! Just put in profile that your a curvier woman and you'll attach full length pic to them if they want to see if you don't want to put any on your profile (though I think you should!)

Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 09:37

Aw thanks so much everyone!!

Yeah the really really nice (and extraordinarily handsome) guy definitely seems to like slightly "curvier" women from a couple of things he's said.

It's so scary dipping my toe into the dating pond, I kind of just bumped into ex and that was that! This is pretty nerve racking!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 09:38

Yeah I'm definitely going to get a few full length snaps on hols, it would cut out all this messing!

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 05/05/2014 09:39

Online lots of people use the term BBW to mean big beautiful woman. I'm not a fan but you could use that. I wouldn't assume they hadn't realised I'd assume they find you attractive- have confidence!

Original poster
Anonynony · 05/05/2014 09:45

Oh no ursula I couldn't use that Blush
I'd relate that more to women who are happy with their size iykwim? Whereas I'm not at all but you're right I do think a lot realise because when talking about likes and dislikes the majority say they aren't too fussed about different body types or that they prefer curvy women, so maybe they're on to me Wink

I don't think I'll talk to any new men but will see what happens with nice gorgeous guy!

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 05/05/2014 09:53

Is there not a dropdown menu on the profile where you can state your body type. I'm only really familiar with okc and they do.

Otherwise say something about being a wench not a waif.

And it is fair enough that men don't like photos that go over the line from 'flattering' to deceptive. No one does, surely?

tobysmum77 · 05/05/2014 10:07

just tell them and if they don't like it there are plenty more fish in the sea. I doubt they are all finely honed specimens of masculinity either tbh

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/05/2014 10:19

Luscious not lissom was one I heard was used.

Hopefully the really nice guy you've been talking to is genuine and not so superficial as to write someone off because of her dress size.

relaxinradox · 05/05/2014 16:47

I met the most gorgeous man ODing 4 months ago. Im a 14-16. I described myself as curvy. In my message to him i was a bit more crass with "Im all tits and ass"...which he laughed at. Recently he told me that generally didnt go for bigger women but said he loves my body. So be confident....good luck!

ManonSings · 05/05/2014 17:01

You sound a really nice person, and I absolutely agree there are loads of very attractive men who LOVE a fuller figure.

However, I would say you should be very upfront about it? Weight is "one of those things" that people can have strong preferences over.

I met men when I was single via OD who - without directly lying - had "skipped round" things or been a bit vague?

Not necessarily weight, but things like living situation, ethnicity, and work situation.

Of course, I wouldn't say "I'm disappointed", but if someone has tried to conceal something and I'm expecting to meet a different person, then it really is hard to hide the "oh dear, ok, lets just finish this meet as possible" look.

And one got the impression these men had been using OD for ages, and got loads of first meets which didn't go anywhere?

Can you take a full length "selfie" in front of a mirror and add that to your photos?

wallypops · 05/05/2014 17:20

I described myself as a more of a cayenne than a carrera! I got lucky very quickly and have met a guy I am head over heals about. He says he likes meat on the bone, and I have plenty. I went with my pheromones but after a 6 year fast they were/are raging. We chatted on the phone and I could see that we were going to get along. My best advice is to meet them fast, because there is a lot of false advertising.

tigermoll · 05/05/2014 20:15

Honestly, many people have a preference for bigger over smaller. ( I do myself, TBH) By posting what you consider 'flattering' (ie thinner) pictures, not only are you risking this kind of 'but what about when we meet' problems, you are actively DISCOURAGING the men who will find you genuinely attractive.
Post a nice, full length shot of yourself where you look happy and smiling. Then you won't have to worry about 'warning' the men in advance - all of the ones who contact you will already know and either not care, or be actively attracted by your weight.

Fairylea · 05/05/2014 20:21

I met dh online dating and i'm not exactly the slimmest woman in the world. He loves curves and big boobs and big bums so it was all good. I just went along with confidence and didn't apologise for my body... you seem to be assuming it's a negative before you even start. Plenty of men like larger women just as many as like slimmer ones. Maybe add a couple of longer length shots to your profile.

Personally I love a skinny man. Absolutely love it. So dh is a size 28 waist and I am a size 18. We look pretty ridiculous. And I am 8 years older than him :) ah well. Loves funny.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 05/05/2014 20:33

I just went along with confidence and didn't apologise for my body... you seem to be assuming it's a negative before you even start.

I think Fairylea hits the nail on the head.