Pointy I wish I'd been more educated. For months before his breakdown he was complaining of being tired, was noticeably finishing a bottle of wine every night when it used to be a glass and was less enthused / de-motivated in general about everything. I put it down to "stress" as it was such a stressful tie in his life, but it never occurred to me that this was depression. When we talked about it after the fact, he said he was feeling dreadful every day for months, and was feeling hopeless and he had no idea what was wrong with him. His interpretation was that he was no longer happy with his life (AKA Me) and he was putting on a front that he was fine. He said he was too scared to tell me so as not to hurt my feelings.
He ended up having a total breakdown with severe anxiety and depression. He left us, and then things got much worse overnight. Because he did not seek medical treatment at the time (he was convinced he was fine) the doctors are not sure what happened to him, but the consensus is that he either had a period of aggravated depression, or he experienced a "mixed state" biloplar episode which is apparently one of the most unpleasant things a person can experience.
All we know is that over several months he went from the sweetest most loving man you've ever met into a complete and utter insane bastard. Over those months he could not sleep, he stayed awake all night drinking, he spent money we did not have, he went around telling lies and creating enormous problems for us, he called prostitutes. He even told the children we were getting a divorce before he even spoke to me about it and had them crying in school. It was absolutely dreadful and at the time I had no idea what was wrong with him. I thought I was the one who was going mad because he had no remorse or even acknowledgement of what was happening. He did absolutely horrible and hideous things.
The period has left him thankfully (it was genuinely terrifying) and he is in treatment, but he is now in such a deep depression that he is not completely responding to treatment. He reached a point of "blunted affect" which is where he lost all ability to feel emotions at all. He became visibly changed with black eyes and he was unrecognisable.
Right now, he is improving very slowly and feels some sort of understanding of what has gone on but he is so obsessed (understandably) with his own survival from this illness that he cannot really participate in our lives at all. He just says he wants a divorce and wants me to find someone who loves me and will take care of me.
He does not really seem to remember he ever loved me and the kids but then again it really only is 4 months or so since he got the treatment right and began to show improvement. He's kind and polite to me now but totally detached. He occasionally sees me but he finds it too painful so he mainly avoids me. Acts like I am dead or something, like I ever existed.
Sad business. If only either one of us had been educated or had known what was happening our lives could have been spared all this pain. I have heard of people who have experienced breakdowns as severe as this. In his case it was probably severely worsened by leaving his family and creating so much more of a mess that was necessary but he genuinely believed at the time it was the right thing to do.
Blathered on there a bit, hijacking my own thread. He is on my mind a lot today. Wish life was a little diferrent! Sometimes it's so unfair. I am sure nothing like this would ever / could ever happen with your hubby. My DH has a family history of bipolar.