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Original poster

Dh off to a festival with a Female friend......

65 replies

Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 00:48

leaving at 5am today. She's a longstanding friend
with a fella but has always been pretty honest
that she had a Huge crush on him when we got together 4 years ago, & for quite a while after.

Her dp is an extremely close friend of my dh & I know for certain dh would never cheat with this
woman. So the fuck am I so tearful & angry?

Sat here bawling, am not given to tears usually, but feel horrid.

Do not want to tell him he cannot go as he never goes out anywhere. Cash is very tight, dh doing phd & i'm a sahm. She gave him the ticket for free cos her dp wouldn't go, but all along her dp said he wasn't going.

Any advice most welcome, Please just tell me to get a grip & stop being pathetic

OP posts:
Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 13:32

She made her crush on him very well known when
we got together. Her dp is obviously cool with
them going together but then her dp has also told
he pointblank that he will Never marry her.

She was devestated by this, & when dh I got engaged & had our beautiful dd I thought the envy would eat her up right there in front of me.

OP posts:
mellowma · 27/08/2006 13:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 13:43

lol mellowma

OP posts:
Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 13:46

Will give it some thought about talking to her,
she's a pretty cold fish though & not sure how far i'd get.

Off to my Nana's now for a vegetarian roast, she knows exactly how to cheer me up! Hoping she might a nice bottle of rose chilled for me too

OP posts:
chocybickie · 27/08/2006 13:49

i'd be annoyed that i wasn't going to the festival but i wouldn't give too much thought about his friend.
sometimes men and women do have close friendships and i don't see why she has to justify her friendship with him to you. sorry i think you are being paranoid but you handled it well by not telling him your thoughts.

noddyholder · 27/08/2006 13:52

Don't speak to her speak to him Just say you missed him and were a bit jealous of them going to a festival together,then see what he says.Though tbh she sounds a bit tragic and he probably has no interest in her at all You sound lovely though xx

Hollyboo · 27/08/2006 14:52

You say she's a bit of a cold fish? Maybe you could just act a bit cool with her. She'll get the message without having to have it out with her. She really is a cheeky bitch and the more I think about it the more annoying she becomes and I don't even know her!!!
You do completely trust your dh and I understand that it's her you don't trust and I don't blame you. It's really bad on her part for putting you in this position.

Tiggly · 27/08/2006 14:55

I know it's to late now but why did you not go with them, were you not asked?? If you declined then ok, specially when you have a little one to consider, but to not invite you is devious in my book.

moondog · 27/08/2006 14:58

Adorabelle,I reckon you have scoredabout ten thousand Brownie points for sheer altruism!

If either had the gall to do anything in such an obvioussituation they must be devoid of amoralcode,which I doubt istrue.

I also disagree with 'warning her off'.Thisseems to suggest that if men go astray it is all the other woman's fault.

It isn't.

Glassofwine · 27/08/2006 15:13

Don't think you should warn her off, my DH would be upset with me if I did this as it would imply that HE couldn't be trusted - he'd be hurt if he found out. As I said earlier if nothing else you'll get brownie points if he realises it was a bit hard for you, even though you don't resent him having some time off.

mazzystar · 27/08/2006 15:31

I'm sure your DH isn't even contemplating the idea that anything vaguely untoward might happen or he wouldn't go. He'd probably be horrified with the very suggestion that she's trying to get him alone. Remember, he married you.

Don't spoil it for him by saying it was hard for you (which might come across as giving him a row). Why not suggest that the two of you save up to do something like that together next year? And talk about the issue of the over-keen girlfriend another time.

sallystrawberry · 27/08/2006 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bamik · 27/08/2006 17:10

Adorabelle,

U are an adorable wife. Personally I think that your DH just loves PJ and that's all his thinking about whilst he's there.

But I TOTALLY understand what U mean. I would be quite ticked off. Going with another woman, who had (or has) a crush on him!!!! I'd be like NO WAY man (only because my DH is being a bit of a twat at the mo)!

Honestly though babe, you've got nothing to worry about he sounds to me like a lovely honest DH. But do tell him how you felt about him going with that woman. Don't bottle it up. I'm sure he'll respect how U feel. I mean, how would he feel if it were him?

xx

theUrbanDryad · 27/08/2006 18:29

grrr.....i'd be totally eaten up with jealousy and i don't mind saying it. BUT i would let him go because if i had to make my DP stay then he wouldn't be worth keeping....so i can totally see where you're coming from, and i think you've done the right thing letting him go.

i'm not sure whether i would say anything when he got back or not....maybe see how he is when he gets back? if he's recalcitrant or secretive then maybe alarm bells start to ring? bear in mind he'll be tired though and don't make the same mistake i do all the time and keep asking if he's ok when he's just tired!!!

hope you're ok anyway chuck....it's a damn awkward situation and no mistake! xxx

sallystrawberry · 27/08/2006 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panboy · 27/08/2006 18:53

So. Man goes to concert of beloved Pearl Jam. suspicion/knowledge that it has been a fix by wicked witch of west. Man has no interest in wwofw. So...why the sexual jealousy? Can understand RAGE at the nerve of queen bitch. But giving DP a bad time about it (making him feel guilty when he goes out once) is just so so uncivilised. He doesn't get out much, and the advice is "make him pay for it"? Oh I don't think so.

But, just a humble man's opinion..

Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 18:58

I didn't go as my dd is still b.feeding & a bit
under the wheather at the mo, only having num-nums so wouldn't leave her. I didn't hve the
cash to go either.

He's gone now, so I can't see the point in raking it all up 2morrow when he'll be tired.

Not sure how i'll feel when I see Her again & i'm with dh. I know she'll be "Oh do you remember when that happened at Reading?" or "That was the funniest thing wasn't it when we were at Reading"

I'll be

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 27/08/2006 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 19:02

Totally agree Panboy that I should not 'Make him Pay'

I'm jelous cos my man is at a festival which we used to go to b4 dd came along, I want to be at said festival with my man but i'm stuck at home on my own with the Lo.

Think a bit of jelousy is natural, or am I being
completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 19:04

Me too Sally & Black, Spin the Black Circle, Alive, Elderly woman behind the Counter....

OP posts:
Panboy · 27/08/2006 19:07

no sweetie, not unreasonable. But DON'T let your 'fear fantasies' and understandable anger spoil your tonight and tomorrow, and give you stress..that would mean WWWofW (or Queen Bitch) has had a victory over you..and DH............

Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 19:35

Panboy, i'm liking the Wicked Witch of the West
title

As I said though can't bear the fact that she's
there with my dh & I want it to be ME! I feel like a spoilt child wanting something a friend has got & being ridiculously jelous cos I can't have it.

But I do realise that I have something she would have chopped her right arm off for, to be married to my dh.

OP posts:
Panboy · 27/08/2006 19:55

I do see that.

Something else. Can you focus yourself into something ( over and above child care!)....something 'creative' to distract yourself. To re-run your feelings until tomorrow will be horrible and draining. You SHOULD be there having fun with your loved one. Not possible on this occassion. So if you have space, do something 'nice' for yourself, and FOCUS on it, not this other thing that is out of your control??

Horrible? Yes. Manageable? Also yes.

Best wishes. x

Original poster
Adorabelle · 27/08/2006 20:06

Thanks Panboy, wise words indeed.

Got half a bttle of chardonnay in the fridge, think i'll finish off that & then go shopping for bargains on e-bay

OP posts:
Panboy · 27/08/2006 20:08

Hurray!!!!!