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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have behaved badly and need help with the way forward

29 replies

singingmango · 26/08/2006 19:52

Have changed my name for this am a regular posting but not as brave a nail polish... Sorry this is going to be a bit of a long one..Background is I am very happily married with two dc, dh is pretty much everything you could ask for in a husband and our life is very comfortable and very nice so I am not unhappy. However I have been working very closely with a team of people of work for the last six months and have become smitten by one of the men. Right from day one there was a spark there I thought he was lovely and was quite nicely bobbing along happily just having little daydreams but never intending to do anything about it. I felt the feeling was pretty mutal from little things as he would always stand just that bit too close and our hands would sometimes touch just a little bit too long but I am not your average bit of 'totty' as I am very overweight but I do always make an effort to look nice. A couple of months ago one of my colleagues mentioned to me that she though the two of us got on very well and she thought he had athing for me. I was totally amazed as I really thought I was imagining it and as I am surrounded by a lot of younger very attractive colleagues I couldn't understand why he did.
Cut a long story short at the end of the time we finished working together a couple of weeks ago and our department organised a night out, we were all riding on the crest of a very sucessful project completion and were a bit high. It became quite apparant through the course of our last working day together that my colleague had been right and that he did have feelings for me. Probably at this point I should have decided not to go out but I did and things progressed, he was absolutely lovely and we had a lovely time. We both had a lot to drink and we were very very late home. The day after I saw him fleetingly but not to rellay have a conversation with other than how was yuor hangover and to ascertain his girlfriend was furious with him. I then went on holiday and only got back this week. I've seen him a couple of times not on our though and we certainly have had any conversations re this, he is still being lovely and a little bit flirty. I just can't look him in the eye. I think I need some closure on this and need to ask him what it was about and does he want it to happen again. I won't do it again but I think I just want to know it wasn't a drunken mistake on his part. Also I still don't understand why,he has a lovely very slim girlfriend and I don't really understand what he saw in me. Am I just playing with fire by starting the conversation or is it sensible to get closure so that I can move on. It's taking up a bit too much brain space at the moment. Alongside this is I don't feel very guilty about it and my realtionship with dh is still lovely as always. Feel like I am going round the twist. Thanks if you've got this far.

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singingmango · 26/08/2006 19:54

sorry for appalling grammer and typos

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MoreTeaAnyone · 26/08/2006 19:54

I think you would be playing with fire by talking about the situation with him. I think it might be taking up brain space because you are feeling bad about your dh.

moondog · 26/08/2006 19:55

Er,did you actually doanything with him apart from drunken flirting?
Notclear from your post.

morningpaper · 26/08/2006 19:57

Singingmango you sound like you have very low self-esteem. Please don't feel bad about your body.

What exactly would you consider to be adequate 'closure'?

singingmango · 26/08/2006 19:57

Yes it did go further than flirting and I hate to say it but no I really don't feel bad. I think I should though.

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CountTo10 · 26/08/2006 19:58

I'd be a bit concerned about the not feeling bad thing. Why do you think you did it deep down? Is it just about fancying this guy or is there more to it?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 20:01

Yes, am wondering that too moondog.

What did happen?

Although, have to say, whatever it was, what does it matter whether it meant anything to him? You say you don't want it to happen again. You are both attached, why should it mean anything more to him than you?

Its nice to feel desired an all that, it (whatever it was) happened, that should be the end of it. I appreciate you may have issues about your appearance, but I dont know what you hope to achieve by asking him. It might be that you wont like the answer....then what?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 20:04

FWIW, you should feel bad, I would be more concerned about that, than whether my unfaithfulness was only on account of the other party being drunk.

singingmango · 26/08/2006 20:07

I think it matters because we are still seeing each other at work although not in the same area and I hate bumping into him and wondering. I suppose I am a bit smitten with him and I want him to say yeas it meant a lot to him yes he does like me and then I can say it can't happen again because I think I want to make that clear to him but I don't want to do that if he's already thinking that was a big mistake and that won't be happening again at all.

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MoreTeaAnyone · 26/08/2006 20:08

Plese don't be offended but it sounds like lust and nothing more. You have a dh who you say loves you lots, do you want to give that up because of a fleeting feeling?

Flossam · 26/08/2006 20:09

Basically then you want an ego boost. Perhaps you should try getting them from your Husband? FWIW I know how you feel I have crap self confidence but realise that cheating on the man I love is not the way to go about getting me more self respect.

CountTo10 · 26/08/2006 20:10

Unless you're planning on trying to start up an affair with him, I'd draw a line under it and try and move on. What's talking to him going to achieve? If he says it was great etc you've got the risk of it continuing or causing you problems at work if you say no and if he says it was a mistake etc surely that's going to make you feel worse?

singingmango · 26/08/2006 20:12

no I don't want to give up dh that is not the intention at all, it wasn't just lust because it's built over a six month period and I am not your average piece of totty.

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singingmango · 26/08/2006 20:12

no I don't want to give up dh that is not the intention at all, it wasn't just lust because it's built over a six month period and I am not your average piece of totty.

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CountTo10 · 26/08/2006 20:13

So can you not just look at it as exactly that - the finale to a 6mth build up that can be archived to the memory and leave it and move on? Do you get that type of attention from your dh?

Hollyboo · 26/08/2006 20:15

Try to let it go and work on your relationship with your dh. I know you say it's lovely as ever but it sounds like you have low self esteem and are in need of a confidence boost. You don't need to know if it was a drunken mistake on his part unless you intend for it to happen agian. Just leave it alone or someone will end up getting hurt.

singingmango · 26/08/2006 20:15

yes I do dh is lovely suppose it is all to with self confidence as dh is gorgeous and my dc are gorgoeous and I always think people must wonder what he is doing with me.

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kamillosan · 26/08/2006 20:16

I;d suggest you put it in a boxand leave it there. you had a good time with a man you were smitten about.think too much and it willdamage you.youve done it now - no going back so you have to learn to live with it..and fast xxxxx

MoreTeaAnyone · 26/08/2006 20:17

But he is with you and I'm sure wants it that way. Take pride in that.

Hollyboo · 26/08/2006 20:19

Oh please don't think that. Your dh wouldn't be with you if he ddn't think that your were utterly fantastic. Can you talk to him about how you feel?

CountTo10 · 26/08/2006 20:20

Then I'd concentrate less on whats happened with the guy at work and more on what its going to take for you to see your true self and not the one who you think everyone else sees. Talk to dh that you're feeling this way and get some help in building up your self confidence. Your dh and dc love you and everything about you but the only person who can make you truly happy is you. Hmmmmm sounds a bit airy fairy doesn't it!!! All I'm trying to say is if you've got self esteem issues then thats the area to focus on and not anything else.

singingmango · 26/08/2006 20:34

Thanks for your advice, need to do some serious self confidence building then

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catsmother · 26/08/2006 20:43

"it wasn't just lust because it's built over a six month period and I am not your average piece of totty."

Errrmmm ...... are you saying that because you're overweight, you can't be seen as attractive and therefore, you can't possibly be a bit of "totty" and this guy must have some sort of deeper feelings for you ??

Sorry - I'm confused here. I'm not sure if you're doing yourself down, or seeking an excuse for what happened. Or maybe both. Maybe I'm way off but you're almost coming across like it's okay for overweight people to have affairs or something !

The timescale shouldn't come into it either ..... people who've been together yonks still lust after each other, and lust is particularly relevant if there's been lots of flirting - or "foreplay" - over a prolonged period of time.

All that's beside the point anyway as I'm sure you know ..... you're married, he has a girlfriend. What's worse ... you readily admit that you're "very happily" married and "very comfortable" and whilst I would never condone an affair (having been cheated on) I can just about see why some people who are living unhappy lives might be tempted to look for happiness elsewhere. I'm sorry if this offends you but to say, basically, you have a lovely life, and still go and do something which could not only jeopardise that (but guess that'd be your lookout) but also cause great unhappiness to a man you describe as "everything you could ask for in a husband", let alone your children potentially, were this to be found out, is very very selfish.

Being overweight does not excuse you ! .... I can see that carrying a bit extra does make many people miserable, but if hubby is "everything you could ask for", it doesn't sound as if you should have any issues about needing to "prove" you're attractive to men per se, as that statement implies he's a loving man.

To be honest, I am baffled by this. No way did I agree with Nailpolish's situation, but as one similarly stressed mum, I do sympathise with the everyday problems she has. I just don't see how someone with everything you've described would give in to their daydreams like you did. (Daydreams - only - are okay)

You then go on about needing to know what he thought of it - so if it "meant something" you'll tell him it can't happen again, but if it was a mistake, you can't tell him that as you'll look silly (...... at least that's how I read that bit) ???!!!???

Look ..... if you've decided it's not going to happen again - hopefully - why on earth do you need to contact him or ask him about "it" at all ? Surely you can see that course of action might stir things up. It comes across that you do actually want to contact him and that "asking" him about "it" gives you the excuse to do so ! But that's totally unnecessary isn't it ?

FWIW, if - though you've not said anything here - there are problems within your marriage and/or life, for God's sake get them sorted out one way or another before moving onto someone else. Otherwise, you need to leave well alone ..... be professional and polite with this guy but don't return any flirty remarks, avoid being alone with him etc., he'll soon get the message you're no longer interested and I'm sure he won't have any difficulty sussing that's because you feel guilty as a married woman. There's certainly no need for a post-mortem about it.

It's a cliche but "counting your blessings" really springs to mind here (unless there's stuff you've not said) ..... so does "having your cake and eating it". There are probably 100s of women on MN who'd love to be able to say that they were both very happily married and very comfortable - you're actually very lucky to be able to say that.

I know I've gone on a bit, but you need to put this behind you for the sake of your lovely husband & children.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/08/2006 20:43

singingmango

I think you've had an emotional affair type thing going on here. It all started with this works projects you were all working on; it all became very involved and when it was successfully completed you all celebrated. I can see how and why it happened and its no bad reflection necessarily on you. The scenario you describe has happened to a great many people in the workplace I daresay. People who do work closely together over a period of months on a project for instance can become attracted to one another.

With hindsight (and that's a wonderful thing) perhaps you should have gone along to the works celebration but not lingered at all by making it clear to them that you had a date with your spouse.

Now this project is over you are apart. It is best to stay that way and not in any way initiate any further conversations about subjects other than work matters. You need to act professional. Be cordial to him by all means but you should not have to feel any need to stand there and chat to him about general things for any great length of time.

singingmango · 26/08/2006 21:04

Thanks again for the advice and straight talking. There's one thing about mumsnet you say it how it is and I think I need that.

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