Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Due to get married in 7 weeks and lusting over someone I met online :(

74 replies

Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 10:47

I think this is because I am getting married , to a wonderful man and father, however I feel something is just missing and I've met someone online , I don't want a relationship with them
I just want sex then I feel I will have fulfilled the lust ? I know it's wrong and I doubt I will go along with it but just wanted to do know if anyone else had been in this boat ?

OP posts:
Maisie0 · 02/05/2014 12:15

Oh, and the "wild thing" is actually not a good thing in anyone's book. It is when you cannot get what you need in life, and you act out in behaviour. That is why that happens. But the person that does it never truly know why it is so.... until obviously after reflection and contemplation.

You have to ask yourself why you lust after this person. Something must have been the trigger to start this ball rolling.

scottishmummy · 02/05/2014 12:16

Postpone your wedding.youre not content,and this is symptomatic of a malaise
You are in a steady relationship but seeking thrill someplace else.you need to address that
Immediately cease,your online contact and try focus on real life relationship

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 12:22

Thank you everyone for your advise , I will cease contact and try and focus in "us" guess we just never get time
To ourselves without the kids , we could be OH never wants to , he is happy just sitting at home and tbh if we did go out alone I can't imagine if we would have much to talk about besides the kids :(

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/05/2014 12:25

You said hes wonderful dad and father,focus on that.get the va va voom back
Its easy to slip into parent roles and lose sight of individuality and fun
I hope you get this back on track.good luck

LiberalLibertine · 02/05/2014 12:29

Did you go on a dating site to meet the on line man op?

Maisie0 · 02/05/2014 12:39

I guess what we are saying is, the other man is going to make your situation snowball. Now if you want to get back that va va voom... It is now time to find your inner femininity again. Dress sexy. You owe it to yourself to find that inner child, or femininity which you lost along the way. If he is to marry you, he should indeed also find his masculinity to marry you with. So dress well, and see the compliments roll in, and that should definitely kick start his possessiveness. If he absolutely loves you, he would get jealous by default. You do not need to hide from him. Wear what you like and be proud of who you are. Don't ask him to do things. Just show him what he has got. A beautiful wife.

magoria · 02/05/2014 13:28

What can you do to make your sex life less boring?

Any other man may be an exciting lust filled thrill to start but eventually the same every day life will change it. Unless you work to keep it exciting.

Do something to recapture that excitement with your OH not another man.

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 15:59

DP gets worried the kids will walk in , I suggest we /try to change it but he has no interest , I'm at a loss?

OP posts:
Maisie0 · 02/05/2014 16:06

You can always go on dates as well. Or to do something which is relaxing or a break from the every day life. Or giving each other "looks" each day... It needs to be built up slowly over. Think about times whereby you were into each other, and remind yourself of those times, and just smile about it.

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 16:33

I suggested the other day we go out tonight but he said he didn't feel like it :( he isn't up to trying new stuff , he is good in bed don't get me wrong but it's always the same thing every time it's like we are following a list :-/

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/05/2014 16:45

You need to sit down and speak to him, if its like this now, getting married would be a fatal and very expensive mistake.

Tell him, you want the dates, the romance and experimenting in bed, they arent unreasonable requests.

If they are to him, then your relationship may have run its course.

macmissy · 02/05/2014 16:56

One thing that we do is we have a date in the diary once a month where we plan a 'date night' we alternate who chooses every month, sometimes it is free stuff - a walk out, a free event in the city centre, other times it is a cinema trip or a meal out - you can make it as cheap as expensive as you like. But not having any 'you' time is just as bad as not having any of your own time.

If he could plan something maybe it would ignite a spark for him to look for things to do? Get some excitement back in - from what you have said this is what sounds like you're craving from the other man

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 17:22

I will yet harder , I guess we just stuck in a rut and in getting pre wedding vibes , we have just lost it along the line of having 3 kids , both working full time and I guess we just don't have much time for each other :-(

OP posts:
struggling100 · 02/05/2014 17:28

OP, you sound like you're still young, and maybe not ready for marriage just yet. I'm absolutely NOT saying that you're immature - it's more that some people need more time to settle down than others perhaps because they're more complicated and need to do more things in life.

I don't think you should be making such a big life decision when you feel this way. Maybe put things on hold for a bit?

beershuffle · 02/05/2014 17:29

If you never spend any time alone together, wouldnt have anything to talk about if you did,youre bored of the sex and he wont talk about it.....do you really think you should be getting married? Its not going to fixyourissues, and you seemto have some big ones

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 17:35

Well I do really love him and I know he loves me so much and I can't imagine being without him but the big BUT I feel I've missed out because I've only had 3 men before DP and I feel at my age I should have had more fun by now . I guess it's just my age yes :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 18:01

Is it considered cheating if I just have sex b4 the wedding ?

OP posts:
whattoWHO · 02/05/2014 18:06

Yes. If he had sex before the wedding would you consider that cheating?
Postpone the wedding. Separate from your DP. Get the 'itch' out of your system then see how things are.

LiberalLibertine · 02/05/2014 18:11

Oh Lord, have you heard yourself?? Of course it's cheating.

daisychain01 · 02/05/2014 18:14

Is it considered cheating if I just have sex b4 the wedding?

Going into marriage with that attitude makes me feel really sorry for your partner. Are you wanting advice on here or is it just a bit of a joke, you don't seem the least bit bothered about your "problem".

I'd be crapping myself if it was 7 weeks before getting married and having these kind of thoughts. You're only one step short of being unfaithful, hunting down men on the internet.

daisychain01 · 02/05/2014 18:17

and yes I am putting my judgey pants on here, because of all the poor people who post onto the Relationship board with real-world relationship problems that need support not time-wasting which is what this clearly is

MothershipG · 02/05/2014 18:19

Really??? So you'd be ok with your DP chatting online and having sex with another woman as long as he does before the wedding? Because then it won't be cheating. Really??? Hmm

daisychain01 · 02/05/2014 18:28

MothershipG I sense the OP is just bored - they just can't be serious!

That's what happens with a long Bank Holiday weekend. Too much time on their hands maybe ....

Original poster
Mumof3madones · 02/05/2014 19:02

I just feel trapped , I don't mean to feel trapped but I can't help it :( I love DP very much and I'm
Not joking . Sorry if I come across like a selfless , nasty inconsiderate b I was only asking if anyone else feels like this :-/

OP posts:
Hissy · 02/05/2014 19:08

Call the wedding off. It's not what you want. You don't 'need' to be married. Only marry if you want to.

If I found out a boyf was on a dating site at all, i'd dump him.

If your dp finds out, he might just do the same. End the online thing, call off the wedding, cite stress/expense whatever and spend the money you don't spend on the wedding on doing nice things together just you and DP