How would you check out if your date was already attached?

[akaWisey]

That's it really. How did/would you check it out? I'm not asking about what to do if they are, that's obvious. But in these days of OD disastrous times, I'm very, very cautious but I have a number of dates lined up (no stealth boast) and one of them is coming a fair way and staying over in a B&B so we can eat and have a drink. He sounds fun, very proactive etc. But I feel the need to check it out and I guess that must mean something.

So how would you/what would you advise I do? I'd rather find out beforehand so if necessary I can sack him off cancel the date. By the way his profile says never married and no children.

aka thanks for starting this thread. There's been some very usefiul suggestions made.

Personally I snoop on check out anyone who may be of interest to me - nothing wrong with it when used alongside a gut feeling.

Hope he turns out okay.

I was 'caught' once by someone on online dating who was looking for a little extra-curricular activity, shall we say: he had an extra phone with a pay as you go sim card in and he even went so far as to give me a fake name, so all the checking up in the world probably wouldn't have helped save me much beforehand. In fact I was so oblivious we had dated about 5 or 6 times before I discovered it - and that was only as he was going to pay for dinner (he was very chivalrous like that, did impress me as I had an EA ex who has left me almost bankrupt) and I saw his driving license in his wallet, went to grab it jokingly to see the pic and he suddenly got all weird, snatching it away from me and being all snappy and weird. Even then I didn't actually twig but he confessed that he had given me a fake name and eventually let me see it (whereupon i found he'd been shaving about 8 years off his age as well!)

Even then I must admit I believed his excuses which were that he had a very difficult relationship with his ex wife hence was keeping his online identity secretive …. the truth was that his wife wasn't his 'ex' at all.

Now I am getting a bit wiser although still bloody damn gullible but my best advice to you is to just totally trust your instincts. This guy was pretty intense straight away, which I did find strange but got pulled in because I was flattered, but in retrospect it should have been a red flag, he barely knew me. [I think the cheating element makes them feel more intense maybe?]

couple of practicalities;
let him pay for something (even just a round of drinks, not ness dinner etc! up to you ) does he pay in cash always, or use bank cards? if he never gets out a card, or goes to a cashpoint - or doesn't have any id on him - be wary

is he open about his phone? (checking messages is rude so this is a tricky one but if he gets a call and ignores it in retrospect I might be slightly suspicious. But hard as he could just be being well mannered and giving you all his attention!)

if you feel a bit unsure, be honest, say you've been trickstered in the past and just ask… a decent, open guy won't mind, but someone with someone to hide might give himself away but acting affronted/angry/unnecesarily combatitive

i've still got a long way to go (my bullshit radar is not very good) but just be self protective - most of the things I suggest would probably only emerge after a few dates though, so get the first one over with and see if you even like him before worrying too much

good luck … and have fun!!

Thanks Another and Adele for your thoughts about this. I struggle with the what's ok and what's not but I've decided to come out with it casually: "So X, are you single, attached or what?" And see what he says (and how he says it) because actually I'd not be offended if someone asked me that on a date.

So far there are no other indicators that he's attached and the level of communication is about what I'm comfortable with but who knows? I'm sorry you were stung like that Adele and I think your tips are really helpful.

Yes I know where you are coming from aka. I think women generally are conditioned to be polite and not ask questions which may cause offence.

Since my ex turned out to have been lying to me and the shock made me I'll, I've forced myself to be more direct, hard though it is.

When I was do I simply asked the question outright before agreeing to meet up,

I didn't even phrase it o it could be misinterpreted.
I just typed in you are definitely single aren't you, as I'm not interested in anyone who isn't.

I also made it plan when I met my bf that I wouldn't tolerate deceit after what I had been put through.

Went to his house quote early on, no sign of female life!!!

You will need to wait til you meet trust your instincts based on his behaviour on the date, though a little due diligence beforehand is fine to check for anything obvious. You can google his name, phone no etc and try in it Facebook too. Also google image search any pics you have, it'll show up if he's used them on any other sites/profiles. Most people show up somewhere online these days.

Not sure what googling a phone shows? But in any case I think I've developed a pretty good sense when I meet in the flesh (so to speak) and my approach is to date many different kinds of blokes because it's teaching me a lot about dating do's and don'ts. Someone upthread commented that I don't even know if I'll like this one and that's true, I might not so it's all a bit academic in a way.

Went on a date yesterday with a chap who told me he's been on POF for 4 YEARS! It was a "no from me pal" as he sounded waaaayyy to promiscuous.

too not to