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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think DP is addicted to pain killers

43 replies

monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 13:20

For those of you who have helped on my other threads you'll know the history of this. For those who don't basically DP's behaviour has been steadily getting worse over the last year or so, quick to anger, rude, intolerant, bullying, hurtful but never violent.

The one thing that I never mentioned in the previous threads was that about a year ago DP become addicted to the pain killer Tramadol. He told me and asked for my help in getting off it. He said it affected his behaviour, he didn't feel comfortable in his own skin when he didn't have any in his system and I definitely noticed that he was not his usual self, basically all the negative adjectives above where normally he is/was patient, logical, funny, tender etc..

Anyway, we weaned him off them but he never stopped taking them totally. In fact I have used them in the past to get over exhaustion. but once or twice a month max. I made a huge issue of him self medicating and he argued and told me he was managing it. It's stupid I know, but I believed him, I wanted to believe him. I?ve challenged him many times, saying his behaviour resembled that of when he was addicted, but he always said I was being over dramatic.

This week I've been wondering about it again and so looked at his bank statements. In his last statement he spent 200 pounds in two months on an online pharmacy, buying 360 Tramadol 200ml, which averages at 6 tabs a day. This is a lot, isn't it?

This is the reason he's turned into a stranger and I have not been able to reach him. I need some help in how to approach this.

OP posts:
Chandra · 26/08/2006 13:28

Talk to your GP, don't know how Tramadol behaves but such a constant and prolonged use may have some consequences apart of behavioural changes.

Please be careful and act soon, don't know about Tramadol but simple things as Paracetamol can cause severe damage and even death if missused, even for a short time.

redbull · 26/08/2006 13:28

oh monkey trousers really feel for you but dont know what to say maybe the doctors behind his back??

bumping for you xx

SherlockLGJ · 26/08/2006 13:30

Oh MT, I don't know what to say, but I do admire you for your sticking power.

Was it you, who posted with a citrussy type name about two years ago ?? on a similar theme. ?

Chandra · 26/08/2006 13:32

Erm... I think it would be a very good thing to get a physician involved asap

Negative side effects:
www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic3/ultracet_od.htm Overdose www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic3/ultracet_ad.htm

Chandra · 26/08/2006 13:34

sorry:

side effects

overdose

wartywarthog · 26/08/2006 13:36

i have no experience of this, so all i can say is what i think i'd do in your shoes. i'd riffle through the house and try and find the evidence - the actual pills, or some packaging, and get the bank statements and confront him with it. he's clearly addicted, but as long as the status quo carries on, he will carry on taking them. he won't be inclined to change until it's clearly in his best interests. i would definitely go to the gp to find out what the side effects are, and if you could get him to go with you, all the better.

sorry i can't be of more help

catsmother · 26/08/2006 13:37

This link might be worth looking at:

painkiller addiction

Also, as someone else suggested, see your GP as soon as possible - even if DH won't come with you - who'll be able to suggest a way forward I'm sure, apart from confirming all the physical effects and risks.

catsmother · 26/08/2006 13:40

Actually, sorry, that site is American ..... but might still provide some background info.

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 14:00

Thanks, I will go to the docs. I've been finding them under the bed wharty, which I've gone ballistic about as DS was crawling at the time and could have found them. The fact that he has them occasionally (ie once a month) isn't hidden, but the fact that he is obviuolsy taking them everyday is.

Don't think it was me Sherlock. Not even sure I've been posting for two years, but thanks for the support

I'm going to tell his sister before I confront him, talk to the doctor. I need to find out the address he is sending the packages to. I think it will be is business partner. I've checked his emails for online recipts and they have all been deleted so the only hard evidence is in the bank statements.

OP posts:
LaidbackinAsia · 26/08/2006 14:11

Hi monkeyT .I have worked in addictions for a long time and have come across many "normal" people addicted to OTC (over the counter)/prescribed medication or medication they have bought over the internet,particularly Tramadol. It is a recognised and real addiction.

I don't know how easy it is for you to communicate with your DP at the moment , but if he was willing to see your local drug and alcohol team, they may be able to help by prescribing an alternative that is easier to get off (i.e a planned detox ). In my experience, a replacement like subutex which actually blocks other opiates might be useful. Generally you can approach your drug and alcohol team without a referral from your GP - some people don't want their GP to know as it goes on your notes and can affect future mortgage/life insurance . applications etc.

HTH let me know if you have any other questions.

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 14:18

Thanks laidbackinasia. I have to plot this carefully as he does get irrational when I question his usage. And i think the thought of life without it does terrify him. I think he may have forgotten how to manage without it.

I didn't know that about insurance etc? He has just gotten a morgage and life insurance.

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 26/08/2006 14:25

MT - obviously the situation for you is really hard and very different from mine and I really hope your GP is supportive and DP's sister. Just thought I'd tell you what happened to me a while back: My GP put me on what I can only describe as a cocktail of painkillers, I was 16 at the time. Physically I became addicted - blinding headaches and nausea were just two of the symptoms I got when I tried not to take them. Psychologically I've only recently begun to put the pieces together but the coincidence is too great for the effects not to have been the meds - I became very low, tearful but most scarily I had this overwhelming anger at the world and people around me. Coming off the painkillers was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I didn't do it with help. Other people saw it but because I couldn't there was nothing they could do. It was only when I realised the problem that I could begin to deal with it. And even after I'd admitted the situation to myself I couldn't do anything staight away, it took me 2 years to realise I needed to stop.

I'm not saying the addiction is an excuse for the way your DP treats you at all, it's definitely not. I know this addition to your thread isn't 'helpful' in terms of 'what to do' advice but maybe in some way it can help you feel less responsible/angry/etc - it's his problem and needs to want to sort it out. I've loads of respect for you and what you put up with, I've seen the odd thread you've posted and I think you're great to still be supporting him.

Chandra · 26/08/2006 15:20

Try not to confront him MT, try to convince him that you are on his side. You don't want him to hide the things so well you can not know anymore.

Best of luck

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 15:33

Thanks for your post Liquidlocks. I'm glad you have come through it and understand what you're saying.

Chandra, I think I'll sit on this for a while, collect all the evidence I need so when I do broach the subject he can't deny it. I won't confront him, i am on his side. But in the end the choice will have to be put to him, and he'll have to choose.

OP posts:
longwaytogo · 26/08/2006 17:44

oh monkeytrousers I have been where you are and it's not a nice place to be. My dh in the past has been addicted to codiene and tramadol so I know exactly what you are going through. He too became distant and a different person. When he tried to stop taking them on his own it never worked he would just stop taking them and then would spend days in bed feeling sick and not being able to move. He kept saying it was flu, I would moan that he wasn't getting better and so the whole cycle would start again - he would take the pain killers and become almost normal again. (at that time I had no idea he was taking the pain killers)

It was only when I found the evidence and confronted him that he admitted it. We went to the GP together and he was brilliant he gave him prescriptions of codeine for a limited amount on the understanding that he would let me control when he took them and wouldn't buy anymore.

I think that he really wanted to stop but didn't know how and couldn't do it on his own he needed the support of me some close friends and the gp.

He did start taking them again about 3 yrs later because he was depressed but lukily I found out quite quickly.

atm he has a really bad shoulder and the only thing he can take is paracetamol and nurofen and if he ever went back I don't know what I would do.

Somehow when this type of thing happens we find innner strength to deal with it. I just pray that you will find that innerstrength and that you dh will want to stop taking them and maybe he's hoping secretly that you will find out and give him the help he needs. You may need to find yourself some counselling too in order to deal with your feelings and to give you the strength to cope.

If you want to cat me then please do.

don't know if i've been much help or not but just wanted to say I have been there and know what you are going through [hugs]

motherinferior · 26/08/2006 18:39

Oh Monkeytrousers. I'm so sorry.

I agree with LaidbackinAsia; you need, I think, to access the sort of clued-up nonjudgemental support that is now (I believe) pretty widespread in drugs work.

I'm so sorry. What a nightmare for you.
xxx

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/08/2006 19:10

MT

Have a look at this website:-

www.over-count.org.uk

Its for people addicted to OTC (Over the counter) medications.

Flossam · 26/08/2006 19:18

Hi Mt sorry you are going through this. The addiction probably does explain all his behaviours. How strong are the tablets he is taking? They only usually come in 50mg tabs. I didn't realise you could buy things you can't get over the counter over the internet. Makes a mockery of the whole bloomin system .

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 20:14

Up to 200mg's Floss.

This is only just beginning to really sink in now. Although I'm kind of glad there is an explanation, of sorts, the last year has been hell. I really did believe at times that it was me and only me that was the problem.

OP posts:
drosophila · 26/08/2006 20:28

Was he ever in pain to need thepain killers in the forstplace and if so does the condition still exist.

I slipped a disc and was on Codeine for months and for me it had an effect like a glass of wine (Bugger all good for the pain though). I never got addicted but I could see how it can happen. I would guess he would need to increase the dose to get the same effect. I know with me the wine like feeling disappeared pretty quickly and if I was chasing that feeling I would have needed to take increasing amounts.

liquidclocks · 26/08/2006 20:43

Good point from drosophila, the only reason I think I was successful in stopping using the original meds my GP prescribed (still can't believe he encouraged me to keep with them - best thing I ever did was changing GP) was because an alternative was found that actually turned out to be very effective - it made it worth it. If all your DP can expect when he tries to stop is lots of pain then it will be very hard to stay motivated.

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 26/08/2006 22:06

Never needed them, he has them just for the buzz

OP posts:
Flossam · 27/08/2006 21:51

so he is taking up to 1200mg a day?? Goodness me. Patients post op only normally get 400mg a day. He really needs to get this sorted as this will be having a huge effect on his health.

longwaytogo · 28/08/2006 07:55

monkeytrousers how's it going hun, been thinking of you all w/e

Original poster
monkeytrousers · 28/08/2006 09:24

Thanks LWtG. I'm kind of just watching and waiting for the right time. His bank statements only come every three months so I need to wait until the next ones arrive to see how much he's been taking recently.

Funny thing is he has always had a thing for solphedine too. His whole family do. We've joked about it.

At the mo he is trying his best, for different reasons. I think he senses a change in me and it has made him pause for thought.

OP posts:
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