I think DP is addicted to pain killers

[monkeytrousers]

For those of you who have helped on my other threads you'll know the history of this. For those who don't basically DP's behaviour has been steadily getting worse over the last year or so, quick to anger, rude, intolerant, bullying, hurtful but never violent.

The one thing that I never mentioned in the previous threads was that about a year ago DP become addicted to the pain killer Tramadol. He told me and asked for my help in getting off it. He said it affected his behaviour, he didn't feel comfortable in his own skin when he didn't have any in his system and I definitely noticed that he was not his usual self, basically all the negative adjectives above where normally he is/was patient, logical, funny, tender etc..

Anyway, we weaned him off them but he never stopped taking them totally. In fact I have used them in the past to get over exhaustion. but once or twice a month max. I made a huge issue of him self medicating and he argued and told me he was managing it. It's stupid I know, but I believed him, I wanted to believe him. I?ve challenged him many times, saying his behaviour resembled that of when he was addicted, but he always said I was being over dramatic.

This week I've been wondering about it again and so looked at his bank statements. In his last statement he spent 200 pounds in two months on an online pharmacy, buying 360 Tramadol 200ml, which averages at 6 tabs a day. This is a lot, isn't it?

This is the reason he's turned into a stranger and I have not been able to reach him. I need some help in how to approach this.

Just found 12 100mg tablets in his bag.

MT is there no way he will 'own up' to what he is taking now an get help?

I am going to wait until his next statement comes in Floss, while watching his behaviour, mood swings, etc. I'm going to check his bag tomorrow and see how many he's had in 24 hours. I want to absolutley sure of the facts before talking to him.

OK MT - just he seems to be taking such big amounts. I hope you resolve it ok MT and he agrees to help when you do have it out with him. Will you update us please?

Yes! I will need you all when the provebial hits the fan! Please be here x

monkeyt...also wanted to say, does your DP do a job involving driving, operating machinery or similar. The amounts he is taking could significantly affect his judgement. Also if he had an accident - insurance could be invalidated.

Also re. his taste for Solpadeine - Solpadeine Max and Solpadeine plus both have codeine in them - which in large enough quantities taken regularly can be addictive , they also contain paracetamol. The problem with these are, to get a "buzz", you have to take alot which means you are also taking in lots of paracetamol . This can damage your stomach and make you quite ill long term.

Don't want to be the bearer of bad news.. but these are all factors he might not have considered. IME most people don't make changes until the bad stuff outweighs the good stuff, so the more info he has, the more ready he may become. IS there anyone else apart from you who he is close to who could talk to him without the sh*t hitting the fan ?

That's why I'm sitting on it for the mo LBIA. His sister and I are close but she has just gone through IVF and is waiting to hear if any have implanted. Sorry, DS is tryingt o turn the PC offr.

I don't want to worry her just yet anyway.

He has had a bad stomach for ages.

hmmm bad stomach sounds about right. My dh always had problems with his stomach. My dh started on the codeine for undiagnosed gall bladder and wsa in pain for 18 months or so, and then became reliant upon them. At some points he was taking maybe 30 a day so how I never came home to find him dead is anyone's guess, and the thing that really got me is that at postmortem it would have just shown paracetamol overdose so would have looked like to us and his 2 dd's that he had commited suicide.

Funny you say about the solpadiene though as his family are exactly the same.

My dh tramadol problem was relatively short lived but only because I kept an eye because of previous problems.

Not that any of that helps you but just wanted to say that he can change but HE has to want to otherwise you will drive yourself nuts trying to change his behaviour when he doesn't see it being a problem.

I talked to him last night. He tired to deny it for a minute or so but couldn't when I showed him all the evidence.

He said he has been 'managing it' that he is only on two a day and that he is going to manage his own withdrawl, which I'm not accepting. Have to go to work today but will post later.

MT

You need to look at this website as a matter of importance:-
www.solpadeinehelp.org.uk/solpadeine_faq.php

Solpadeine is the most abused OTC (over the counter) medicine in the UK.

He needs to think twice about coming off such pills without any medical advice or supervision, he may make things worse by trying to withdraw from them without medical assistance.

MT

How long has he been taking solpadeine?.

The number of years he has been taking it will equate to the number of months he will need to cut down over.

I remember our gp saying the same to us that it would take as long to withdraw as the length of time he had been taking it.

The thing is if he manages it himself who is he accountable to? I think that is part of the healing process he needs to acknowledge the problem and recognise that he needs help to overcome it. Who's to say that if he 'manages' it himself that when times get tough he just doesn't go buy some more.

When my dh came off I had complete control until I thought I and gp could trust him again. That meant no credit/debit cards, cheque books etc.

I knwo that sounds harsh but it was the only way we could tackle it.

Okay, where do I start...

Obviously been doing lots of taking. He fully accepts now that he is a Tramadol addict and that it has been affecting his behaviour, and crucially has been the main cause of him failing to engage emotionally with his family. Tramadol makes you placid and calm, like you don't have a worry in the world and he's just been switched off to anything emotional for about a year now, refusing to discuss issues (which were mounting up), walking away, sleeping in a separate bed the minute we disagreed about anything, etc. Being a total prick to be honest.

He lost someone very close to him in the early summer and he has been avoiding that issue too. He was carrying alot of shame about the fact that he couldn't manage to finish his elegy, felt he'd lacked 'moral courage' when he needed it most. I took over in the church for him; it's the only time in a year that he turned to me for help and he clammed up straight after again. He's admitted to carrying a lot of self loathing too, which he has been projecting onto those around him.

He's been attempting to wean himself off them at intervals over the past year, those being the times when he's be angry, nasty etc. I have the drugs. We has two 50mg doses a day which I'm cutting to 1 in a weeks time. That will probably be crunch time. Wish me luck and thanks.

Glad to know you're both talking again in an honest way. Also glad to know that steps are being taken to manage the pill taking.

IMO, the sorts of issues he's dealing with (and self medicating for), are best addressed with regular/ongoing professional help - counselling, psychotherapy, etc. I'd explore that as a crucial step in changing his self image, way of dealing with things way of relating etc. IME, it helps tremedously, and while painful/time consuming/expensive it is invaluable.

Best of luck. You've got a big hill ahead, but you can both get over it if you've got support.

Oh well done and good luck.

Hi MT, just caught up - well done for approaching him with your evidence and trying to work towards sorting it out, it must have been a hard thing to do.

Please consider getting some support from your gp, even if DP won't go you'll be better equipped yourself if armed with the right knowledge. Your gp may also be able to direct you to local organisations you could use to get DP the emotional support he needs too - there's a reason he's been doing this and that needs to be addressed as well as the physical reasons.

Keeping fingers crossed for you, it sounds like you're a strong lady who has a lot of love for this man, I really want you to succeed.

monkeytrousers so glad he has admitted the problem that is the first step. I would enquire whether cutting down straight from two to one is too much too soon. How many was he taking in a day before you had control? I think if it were me I would consider cutting one in half so reducing it from two to one and a half, it should make the withdrawl less traumatic, and the angry spells less dramatic.

What is it now..13 days?

Mounting dread..we are going to loose everything, I've no doubt.

He is in almost complete denial that it is a problem, and as I'm the one controlling the drugs he hates me.