Does weight / body shape matter?

[Achica123]

I want an honest answer – does weight or body shape matter in relationship considerations? I am curvy but quite comfortable in my skin. I like to lose weight, but the issue is not taking much of my attention. I do think about it, but I am not yet ready to go ahead and start a diet that will get me to the size 14 I want to be (I am size 18 or 20 now); and besides it is a long term committment.

I keep getting into conversations that weight and body shape can basically break relationships. Being single atm, the idea is making its way to my mind. Is it my shape that is keeping potentials at bay? Where does the other side stand from this?

How tall are you? I don't mean to sound mean - and I do understand as I used to be the same size - I think you need to get 'ready' to lose weight.

Forget men/dating/what men want - YOU will feel so much healthier and fitter when it's gone. Really .

But for what it's worth - I'd go to singles events/go out so that you get all of this stuff out the way straight away with no awkward online/phone conversations about size/weight etc. If people like the look of each other they make a move, and vice versa.

x

Well, I don't think it matters per se - but that is because we all fancy different people (luckily).
For me, I am into running, cycling, yoga, pilates etc, and someone who wasn't fit, just wouldn't be attractive. But you can be bigger and fit, so it's not necessarily about body shape or weight.
However what is also not attractive is low self esteem - if you aren't feeling your best, maybe that's putting people off.
Where are you having these conversations?

There isn't really an answer to this is there? Yes it matters to some people but not to others. The same way for some people smoking is a deal breaker or picking your nose or having children etc etc.

You will limit your pool of suitors to those who like chubbier women and yes you will be healthier if you lose weight (I figure you've already worked that out though!).

What pool are you fishing in when you say "Is it my shape that is keeping potentials at bay?"

thanks for the reply and tips. Fair question re my hight - I am quite tall so I carry my weight well overall.

Are you asking about initial attraction or weight gain in relationships?

My DH prefers slimmer women but says he finds me just as attractive post-baby (bigger and saggier). Had he met me the size I am now there probably wouldn't have been the same initial attraction.

I know a man who dumped his girlfriend for putting on 4 stone. It was partly due to her no longer wanting to be active with him (gym, active holidays etc) where once she was very keen. I think he was justified on the basis of them wanting different things. I don't think he's unreasonably shallow, I'd have concerns for my marriage if DH put on four stone.

@ PollyIndia - conversations with good friends - female friends.
@ Kewcumber - I am fishing in the largest pool unforyinately... It's been a while since I dated last and I am making my way back and kind of overwhelmed !

Being overweight increases likelihood of health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, strokes etc... From that pov it matters.

From a dating pov, if you can find a guy who is either cool with overweight women or is overweight himself, then you'll be ok. It might narrow your options slightly but then you only need one guy...

Id say it matters and I am not small myself. But saying that, i have a very good friend who is about a size 20 and gets loads of male attention and is never without a partner or boyfriend...

Different people like different things. I'm an "average" size 12 but am hypocritical, I suppose, in fancying mostly quite slim men. Not necessarily toned, but slim. I don't find big guys attractive at all.

Oddly I much prefer bigger women. I wouldn't care how big, really. But there would be a cut off, because I like a woman who is active, confident and eats healthily-ish/looks after herself. That's not compatible with being over a certain weight/size, I suppose. I don't find slim/petite women as attractive.

Ultimately if I "fell" for someone I would love them regardless of a couple of a few stone either side. They're more than a play thing and I would want the same (some slack if things got on top of me and I lost/gained weight).

Meeting someone is about initial attraction and when you consider all the images we are exposed to daily I would guess most of us are conditioned to believe slim equals beauty. It doesn't mean you won't find someone who doesn't think like that or that you won't find someone who loves a curvier look but if you are talking about initial attraction then it probably is a barrier.

Personally I don't find myself attractive when I am overweight and that affects my confidence, which in turn affects my attractiveness.

Self confidence, dressing well for your shape and nice grooming/ hair are all more attractive than weight in itself. Some bigger ladies look really stunning because they have dressed to their strengths and got lovely hair. And judicious make up makes all the difference.

Of course that won't appeal to some but I think the majority would find it more attractive.

If you've lost confidence in that area would a friend be able to advise? If not, please disregard.

Good luck.

It matters if you're trying to find boyfriends in places where superficial 'good looks' usually win the day e.g. bars, clubs and online dating. It shouldn't but it does. Size/weight matters less if you're meeting people in other ways and other places e.g. sharing common interests, mutual friends

It shouldn't matter when meeting people... and anyone who is swayed by that kind of consideration is a completely superficial idiot.

However, I think it matters to how you feel - and I don't mean socially/emotionally, but physically. I've recently been ill, and my weight has ballooned from 100lbs to 140lbs because I've stopped exercising and have been grumpy down in the dumps (I'm 5'4"). I feel terrible. Some of that is the illness, but I am convinced some of it is also because I'm heavier than I ought to be by a way and not getting those endorphins from exercise (I am not saying 140lbs is heavy, by the way - I know it isn't. I just have lots of health problems which mean that I need to be on the lighter side, but frustratingly they are also keeping me in bed a lot).

I can't put it into words very easily, but I feel sluggish all of the time, and lacking in alertness. You will feel a lot better in yourself for regular exercise, you really will. Just start off gently (saying that to myself as much as anyone else).

I do think it goes beyond the strictly superficial, in that body shape can (sometimes, but admittedly not always) imply lifestyle choices that might cause problems. For example, I'm super active and always have been, and I'm a semi-professional athlete. I hate "lazy days" with a passion, and couldn't really enjoy being with someone who doesn't share my enjoyment for being active and outside. I don't mean they have to do everything I do, but if we have a free day, I couldn't bear to be with someone who would prefer to lie on the sofa eating takeaways and watching tv - because I hate doing that and would really struggle to enjoy it, even for a day, unless I was actually ill.
Having said that, my partner is not particularly sylph like, he's a big guy, but he runs and swims and cycles and enjoys doing similar stuff to me. That's what is important.
If he piled on the weight, I'd worry about his health, and if he stopped wanting to be active, I'd worry about his mental health. The physical side of it would exist, yes, but it would be secondary to the other considerations.

Blimey - that's made me feel very guilty about 'Chinese & PJs Thursday' at our house, haha

OMG - panicing for real now !

im about the same size as you and have a new boyfriend who loves larger ladies and he can't keep his hands off me.i love it
if you are comfortable and confident and dress for your size finding love will come in time.the sexiest thing a lady can wear is her smile

I believe we're all rather fickle with regards to dating, especially OD. If men look fat and slobby in their profile pics I wouldn't contact them, but if they were big and fit (as in the old fashioned use of the word) then I may be interested.

But I think a lot of men want a woman who is not overweight (at least at the start of the relationship). Being big will reduce the number of men who may be interested in you - sad but true.

However the most importnat thing is that you feel good, whatever size you are. Dress in a style that suits you, eat well, be nice, get involved in things that you enjoy, take some exercise and smile - that's all any of us can do to present ourselves well and feel good in our own skin.

Since last summer ive gone from a 22 to a 16/18.

Ive had TWO takeaways in that time A dominos on 4th August last year and fish and chips on NYE and ive given up chocolate pasta and diet coke. And stuck to the SW plan. And its STILL taken me all this time to lose 2 stone.

WHY? Because we are all individuals not one big homogenous mass that are all the same.

A size 14 is what im aiming for but a small 16 will do Even sticking to plan the weight is crawling off. Incidentally the sort of man who moans about a woman being overweight or is dismissive of her for it WILL also be the sort of man who moans about the loose skin you are left with afterwards. He will only find fault with something else. NEVER do it for the male gaze.

Self confidence, dressing well for your shape and nice grooming/ hair are all more attractive than weight in itself.

I agree with this.

I've been, variously, quite a bit overweight, fairly average, and super-fit slim. Without a doubt, I attracted more men in fit-slim mode. They were mostly tossers, though, who objectified me from the word go. I lacked self esteem, so my experience was mostly about who was attracted to me, rather than starting from the point of "who am I attracted to?"

With that in mind, being average-to-overweight felt like a kind of protection. While fit-slim, it was very tiresome - and surprisingly NOT good for my ego - to be constantly bothered by twerps on account of my body. With hindsight, I should have put all that effort into psychotherapy rather than the gym & salon.

The old saying, "You're valued as much as you value yourself", is a truism because it's true!

Hmmm, I used to think it did matter but I realised that because I thought it mattered, it mattered to other people (my own weight) I had always also been in relationships with slimmer people, but have now found love with someone who isn't slim, and does it bother me? No. Did it bother me at first? Only because I was insistent that I thought my own type was slim. Turns out I was wrong on all counts.

As long as you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters I think.

Before anyone asks (!) I look like shit now, but do actually like myself. I have zero romantic action going on, because I haven't seen anyone I fancy having a relationship with.

Oh and bra wise I am STILL the same cup size. When I lost 10 stone 12 years ago I dropped ONE cup size.

A woman CANNOT help her shape This is why I would NEVER internet date Its the dating equivalent of Closer mag and FHM mixed together. The only way I can lose a lot more weight would be surgery on my bust and im NOT going under the knife to please other fuckers.

Agree with Garlics post at 16.38

Garlic I am bloody sure you DONT look like shit.