Does weight / body shape matter?

[Achica123]

I want an honest answer – does weight or body shape matter in relationship considerations? I am curvy but quite comfortable in my skin. I like to lose weight, but the issue is not taking much of my attention. I do think about it, but I am not yet ready to go ahead and start a diet that will get me to the size 14 I want to be (I am size 18 or 20 now); and besides it is a long term committment.

I keep getting into conversations that weight and body shape can basically break relationships. Being single atm, the idea is making its way to my mind. Is it my shape that is keeping potentials at bay? Where does the other side stand from this?

I need to lose a stone, but it's the post children, waterbed belly that annoys most and I don't think diet and exercise will do it.

I've often admired someone physically and when they've opened their mouth and I dislike what come out of it, the admiration quickly dissipates. Just to put the superficiality of sexual attraction the other way around for you.

Sexual chemistry ....that spark .....that connection is a LOT more than looks.

And it CANT be replicated through a fucking computer screen

It really matters to me, for me. I don't judge anyone else on their size though.

I currently have about 1.5 st to lose and am going to SW. I know what you mean about not being ready. I definitely think you have to be in the right frame of min.

Ten stone?! Lordy! Well done you :-)
I love how you can remember the date of your last domino's too you nutter

thanks heard it

My body weight and shape matters to me because I feel self conscious and unattractive if I'm fat and unfit and that in turn affects my confidence.

I'm not that bothered about a partners' body shape or weight - as long as they are reasonably fit and active. I wouldn't be interested in someone who was physically inactive, simply because I like being quite active and would like that in common.

TBH I think confidence and overall appearance and grooming are just as important as weight when it comes to being attractive to others, though I suppose there will always be some who won't look at a fatter person and others who don't fancy the very slender.

Thank you all so much - sone real inspirations to lose weight and start thinking about more seriously - well done!
As I said, I am comfortable in my skin. I guess hearing a lot about the weight issue from friends has got me thinking / stressing about it. It is not that I am in complete denial, but a friend told me bluntly the other evening " if you don't get to the normal 14, all potentials will give you the cold shoulder!". Although this came from good intention, it did strike me, and I wanted to know what others think.

I can only speak for myself OP but I was a size 26 and ancient when I tried internet dating but I had oodles of confidence. I met (in RL for coffees/dates) some very lovely men who didn't have an issue with my weight. My OH, who I met on line 18 months ago, is a skinny minny. (I also met some wankers but that's par for OL dating I think).

You sound lovely, OP. Be proud of yourself for feeling comfortable in your own skin! I bet it shows and makes you look beautiful

TBH, I'd say chemistry is everything. My DH put on lots of weight a few years back then lost 5 stone before we got married. It might mean I'm a shite wife, but I barely noticed. People would comment on these apparently amazing changes in his weight and I'd be like, 'what?'

Fact is being overweight WILL reduce your attractiveness.
This will also be reflected by the type of men that approach you.
However gaining weight in a relationship is a different matter, yes it will affect attraction but other things will compensate.

"I am comfortable in my skin. I guess hearing a lot about the weight issue from friends has got me thinking / stressing about it."

Well I may be contradicting everybody else but this man says you definitely should not be stressing about it.

Having reached my seventh decade, I've probably had thousands of conversations with other men, in loads of situations - at work, in pubs, at football etc. I don't recall ever hearing a single one say "I wish the missus would lose some weight". But I've lost count of the number of times I've heard "the missus is on a diet again - I think she looks fine, but she won't have it". And of course it works both ways - women are just as blind to the weight of the men they love.

This is a sweeping generalisation (of course) but my observation is that as men mature, they generally develop a preference for curvier women. Or maybe that's just me...

But of course there are caveats...

• As everybody else has jumped to mention, weight is certainly a relationship issue if it means that you don't live long enough to enjoy the relationship.

• Dating. I have absolutely no idea how that works these days. From posts on here it sounds awful. Glad I'll never have to do it again (hopefully).

But if you're confident and comfortable in your own skin, then I don't think you should worry about it, unless you were to go well beyond the sizes that you mentioned (and then, only because of the health implications).

No pressure then arsenal

What a nice post, FB :)

Arsenal - "This will also be reflected by the type of men that approach you." - Yes, that's what I was glad to lose. Shallow fuckwits who didn't see 'me', just a conventionally attractive body that would slot nicely into their off-the-shelf fantasy.

Regrettably, Darkest, I often do look like shit, but It depends on my health. I reckon I look quite nice today, though some on this thread (and OP's friends) would doubtless disagree.

@ garlic - glad you're feeling beautiful today

darkesteyes DH to be and I found a spark through our initial conversations. But probably we wouldn't have tried to find out if there was a spark unless we were attracted to each other's photo. I thought he had nice eyes and a lovely smile - still do.

Well said GarlicAprilShowers I was happy to lose the shallow fuckwits too.

Shallow fuckwits who didn't see 'me', just a conventionally attractive body that would slot nicely into their off-the-shelf fantasy

Yep THIS!

FB ive always had a preference for older men Whether ive been a size 28 or a 12. Am currently a 16 Havent been a 28 for 12 and a half years. but that's because I want to stay healthy

People of all sizes and shapes get in relationships.
Some people prefer larger people, others prefer skinny.

If you want to lose weight, it should be for your health, or for your own satisfaction, not because of what a hypothetical mate might want.

Yes it matters....to some, everyone has preferences some women don't like to date bald/short/fat men.

It doesn't mean the men who aren't into are twats but neither should you change yourself just to be someone else's ideal woman. It's better if you are making changes because you want them.