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Original poster

40th and no friends to celebrate with ... feeling down :(

30 replies

Aknowinggrin · 29/04/2014 10:12

Feeling a bit down at the moment..... it's my 40th at the weekend and I'll likely be spending it all by myself. Close friends are hundreds of miles away and most of my local friends are not that close (and they have their own husbands, families etc anyway). In my circle of friends quite a few of us are turning 40 this year and they have had surprise parties/trips etc organised by their significant others..... I'll on the other hand be completely by myself on the day with no plans Sad. I separated last year (best thing I ever did!!) and although I'm happy to be single, it would have been nice to have someone special to share the date with...

Just offloading really..... might book a massage or something on the day to take my mind off the date itself Confused

OP posts:
Trooperslane · 29/04/2014 10:16

Happy birthday Smile

Massage and a mac makeover? Then a lovely lunch with some bubbles?

You've had quite a year. It must have taken serious balls to separate - you should enjoy the day and reflect on how far you've come.

ThanksWineThanksWine

Original poster
Aknowinggrin · 29/04/2014 10:22

Thank you Trooper it has been quite a year indeed. I really like the idea of reflecting how far I've come.

Not sure about a lovely lunch all by myself; I think it would make me feel even worse were I to look around and see groups of friends/couples sitting together whereas I'll be alone, however nice the food might be Sad

Thank you x

OP posts:
Ivehearditallnow · 29/04/2014 10:33

Doing something nice on your own can be really liberating - I ended up in a posh restaurant recently after my friend booked a Groupon (I know, haha) and got stuck on a delayed train. It was so nice just to have a bit of peace and I felt really independent sat by myself.

It's better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself! Get that chin up and make a fuss of yourself, if no one will be doing it for you.

Happy Birthday! Cake

goldierocks · 29/04/2014 10:37

Hi Aknow

It's my 40th today, Happy Birthday to you too! Thanks

I separated from an abusive ex three years ago (he was convicted of DV, got a suspended custodial sentence). I lots most of my friends along the way - he was a different person behind closed doors and I kept the abuse secret for many years. All but two decided I had obviously provoked him somehow Hmm

I'm at work today and taking my son to football practise later, so very much business as usual. I'm having a low-key meal out on Saturday which you would be very welcome to join if you are in the Essex area?

I hope you have a lovely day.

MotorLoo · 29/04/2014 10:46

Spa day? Hair cut? Nails done? Shopping trip? Just completely spoil and indulge yourself. It's funny because I'm surrounded by family and friends every birthday and I often think ah I'd love a nice day to myself, just pleasing myself, relaxing and spoiling myself, not having to answer to anyone else. Shall we swap for the day? Grin

Honestly, enjoy it.

If you're bored, come on her, there's always company and laughs.

Happy birthday for the weekend Flowers.

What about a takeout for dinner, your favourite?

MotorLoo · 29/04/2014 10:48

Happy birthday goldie Flowers

Original poster
Aknowinggrin · 29/04/2014 11:02

Happy birthday Goldie!!! Thanks . Thank you so much for your invite, so very kind of you; unfortunately Essex quite far from me but thank you, much appreciated Smile . I lost a few friends when I separated too, quite a similar story to yours actually so I completely understand.

Thank you Motor, I might ask my favourite restaurant in town if they could do takeout, or just go and have dinner there. I will be saving all cards and the couple of presents that will be arriving in the post and open them on the day too, that'll be nice.

Thank you

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 29/04/2014 13:21

Happy birthday goldie Thanks

and happy birthday to you aknowinggrin for the weekend Thanks

I would go for a complete pamper and maybe a haircut too. Have a massage, a manicure etc and then order a favourite takeaway and watch a film like Bridesmaids in your PJs with a bottle of wine!

Oh, and buy yourself the biggest bunch of flowers!!

Cheepypeepy · 29/04/2014 13:26

not sure where you are but museums often have nice restaurants (and wine) attached and I think are easier to sit in on your own if you want to try a day event

PoundingTheStreets · 29/04/2014 13:29

Lots of us have been through that awful process where various relocations and a relationship breakdown have made us realise that we have a virtually non-existent support/social network. Even when you know it's relatively common and you have lovely friends who are not local, it can leave you feeling inadequate and lonely.

It doesn't have to stay that way. Like most things in life, cultivating friends is a skill that can be learned and honed. It's not always easy if you're not a naturally confident person, but then few things with big payoffs are and it becomes easier the more you do it.

You've spent the last 12 months recovering from your relationship, healing and setting your affairs in order. You've come a long way already. Make the next 12 about broadening your social horizons and this won't be an experience you need to feel again.

I hope you can take comfort in the fact that this happens to a lot of women precisely because they are so busy being the ones that make family life work they neglect their own friendships. That says more about you being a nice person, a good wife and a great mother than it ever says about your capacity at friendship. I suspect that if you prioritised your friendships in the same way as you did family life, you'd be highly prized as a wonderful friend.

BTW, there is nothing to stop you being a bit different and having a great big 41st birthday. My biggest birthdays have always been ones without 0s on the end. Grin

PoundingTheStreets · 29/04/2014 13:30

And Happy Birthday! Grin Flowers Cake Wine

madgesglasses · 29/04/2014 14:21

my advice is let yourself wallow in the misery and have low expectations for this year, it may turn out better than you think Wink
how about a DVD/takeaway that you like or just buy yourself a couple of nice gifts.
And come on MN of course Smile
Thanks Cake

RedRoom · 29/04/2014 14:40

Have you told one or two of your friends who do live nearby that you have no plans for your milestone birthday? I noticed that you have assumed they will all be too busy with family etc and that you seem too shy to ask them to meet you for a celebration, but I'm sure if they realised you have no plans for a big birthday they will be happy to make the effort for a drink or meal. It's clear that you'd really like to share your birthday with people, so I would avoid giving up on the idea until you've checked whether people are free for a spontaneous gathering.

Happy birthday in advance!

Ivehearditallnow · 29/04/2014 14:46

Please don't spend your birthday on MN. Sorry, but... really?

Get out there and enjoy yourself! Even if it's on your own xxx

Original poster
Aknowinggrin · 29/04/2014 15:06

Red I casually mentioned it but they're busy on the day with previous commitments unfortunately ....

Thank you all so much for your responses and early birthday wishes, they have helped massively Thanks. I have ordered my favourite cake so now thinking about going somewhere nice for lunch on my own (I'm ok with eating out alone; do it regularly when travelling on business) and then coming home to cake, pj's, girly movie and opening cards/presents.

Feeling a lot more positive about the day now. I have indeed come very far in the last year so I should be proud of that. I will make it a great 40th whole year instead Smile

Thank you all again

OP posts:
Ivehearditallnow · 29/04/2014 15:23

Good for you - enjoy!
Wish there were balloon symbols!!

Dirtybadger · 29/04/2014 15:23

Happy birthday! What others have said; if you're into it, bit of a pamper and wine. If that's not your thing- cinema/theatre? I have been to the cinema a few times on my own now and enjoyed it more than usual and not felt as self conscious about eating an entire popcorn by myself. Take away and a good comedy, alternatively!

If the weather is nice go out for a nice walk and take in some nice views (of you live near ish to any countryside/national parks). It's not the sort of thing that is made any more enjoyable by more people, IMO.

I hope you enjoy your birthday one way or the other.

Original poster
Aknowinggrin · 29/04/2014 15:39

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
madgesglasses · 29/04/2014 16:54

I meant come on MN so we can all wish her happy birthday Wink

wtffgs · 29/04/2014 17:01

Happy birthday Goldie Thanks

It's mine this BH weekend too and I have nothing planned. Friendships are hard to keep up when you are an LP with Sad stuff going on.

I was thinking of some nice M&S food and prosecco with the kids (well, not the prosecco for them!)

Sadly 40 is a distant memory SadWine

wtffgs · 29/04/2014 17:06

The app ate my post Angry

I am forty mumble-cough next BH weekend. Skint LP with no plans. Maybe M&S food so I don't have to cook. Happy birthday to all May Birds!SmileWine

RedRoom · 29/04/2014 17:07

Can I make one last suggestion? If your close friends are hundreds of miles away, what about finding a nice day spa hotel / somewhere that does afternoon tea at a roughly half way point, and meeting for a few hours there. Could that work? That way, you might only have a two hour train / car trip. I have done this recently and it was lovely.

wtffgs · 29/04/2014 17:07

Actually, my post wasn't eaten. Blush

I think I hate this app Biscuit

Xenadog · 29/04/2014 17:21

Happy birthday to both Aknowing and Goldie.

OP, I suggest going for a spa day where you are booked solid for treatments - it's not cheap but you will feel divine afterwards. A good book for company when you have lunch would be lovely too and there's no empty time to think about being on your own as you will be just being pampered solidly.

A bottle of something wickedly expensive and good DVD for the evening should see you having a wonderful day.

goldierocks · 29/04/2014 18:30

Thank you for the birthday wishes too Thanks

I guarantee your day will be better than mine! Had to be in early to deliver a training session, then had to rush to collect my son while on yet another conference call on my BlackBerry.

I tripped getting onto my train in true 'Miranda' style, then decided the best thing to do (obviously) would be to shuffle down the carriage and find a seat whilst still on my knees! My tights have now stuck to the patch on my knee that is bleeding.

Which way is wine???!!!

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