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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP cheated on me and justified it - so disappointed and crying

31 replies

NannyStar · 25/08/2006 16:12

After weeks of suspecting DP has been seeing someone else, he finally confessed today that he has but he said now he has confessed he doesnt want anything between us to change - he still loves me a very lot but how can i believe it?

Basically he has been coming home 4 hours late from work, when I asked him where has he been he has said he has been out with his best friend Dion in a bar in our town, so I was fine with that. While my DP was at work 3 weeks ago Dion came around for a coffee and chat and I asked him what the bar was like they had drunk in. Dion replied he had never been and had not seen DP for a good few weeks as Dion had been away with work too much for any kind of social life. I told Dion what DP had said and we both figured DP must be having an affair so that night I asked him and he has denied it til today. He said what did I expect tho as african men are allowed more than one woman...wtf?!?!?! hes in england now. im so upset.

OP posts:
MoreTeaAnyone · 25/08/2006 16:14

He does not deserve more than one woman. Tell him your pissed off ( and rightly so).

tiredemma · 25/08/2006 16:16

????????? if he really believes that it quite normal for african men to do this then why not tell the truth straight away???

outrageous- who is he having an affair with- do you know her?

I can believe that he thinks that that is a valid reason for having an affair.

so sorry, im speechless

sallystrawberry · 25/08/2006 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freckle · 25/08/2006 16:17

Get rid. He's broken your trust and thinks it's fine because in his culture men can do that. He won't change so, unless you are prepared for this to happen again, you need to find someone you can trust.

madmarchhare · 25/08/2006 16:19

Im more concerned by the fact that just because hes admitted it that you can carry on as normal, at least immediately. Is he going to stop?

Mum2FunkyDude · 25/08/2006 16:21

Demand an HIV test and then send him back to Africa

sallystrawberry · 25/08/2006 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoraPostrophe · 25/08/2006 16:22

not all african men are "allowed" more than one woman. and if he really believed that made it ok then he wouldn't have lied about it would he?

I say dump him.

MarsLady · 25/08/2006 16:23

It's got nothing to do with where or what he is! The man's having a laugh! I agree with MTA... tell him how you feel.

sallystrawberry · 25/08/2006 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:26

Is this one who lived in Liverpool? sorry i'm confused because hadn't you just started seeing someone who lived in liverpool in July have you moved in with him already or is this someone different?

ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:27

That wasn't meant to come across as nosey as it sounded just thought if it was then you hadn't been seeing him for very long no excuse but if so i'd get rid!

Original poster
NannyStar · 25/08/2006 16:30

Hello & thanks for all your advice. I have told him to get out and leave me alone for a while. We have just got back from a lovely holiday and now my life is ruined. I don't know her as a friend but have seen this girl around. She knows we are together as she has often seen us walking hand in hand through our neigjbourhood. She is nigerian and a distant relative of my best friend. He is zimbabwean. I have done everything for this man.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 25/08/2006 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:32

so wasn't this you?

I don't understand how you can be so involved with this man if you were seeing another man just over a month ago?

kama · 25/08/2006 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sallystrawberry · 25/08/2006 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NannyStar · 25/08/2006 16:35

Hello Ledodgyrobespierre, no I havent been seeing anyone from Liverpool

OP posts:
ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:36

so that wasn't your post then? I'm confused has someone been posting under your name?

ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:37

Sorry to be so questioning it's just that I was Harold that answered your post in my link.

Original poster
NannyStar · 25/08/2006 16:38

that was on behalf of a friend ledodgy, man turned out to be a complete nutter but friend, DP and I just come back from our hols and I was so happy I didn't want to believe the niggling doubts.

OP posts:
ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:39

Oh I see , sorry.

Original poster
NannyStar · 25/08/2006 16:41

Man from Wavertree was an alcoholic and seriously was a nutter according to friend. 1st date was last date and she just divorced from her ex so she came on holiday with us. Now im even thinking if DP and friend got up to anything on hol has they had plenty of opportunity and friend is in a vulnerable state.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 25/08/2006 16:41

This has nothing to do with how many wives he thinks he can have but his blatant disrespect for you. It has nothing to do with his heritage/race either - he is a complete shit - how dare he - and how dare he try and justify it saying it is because he is african - I can think of quite a few african men who wuld take offence at that.

Dion must be blopody lovely to be so honest with you too - wow most men would vouch for their friend over his girlfriend.

ledodgyrobespierre · 25/08/2006 16:42

OOh bloody hell, what a nightmare.